My Dear Mum!

[MGB]

I would say is now in the midle stages of mixed vascuala dementia /alzheimers. I have carers going in 2 times a day that where just going in to give her pils and see if she wanted anything done - to which of course she said no to! I get the care bumped up to them now going in to just make her a meal 2 times a day as she is really not able to do it her self - my problem is from telling them to go as she didnt need any help she now lets them no further than just in the back door and tells them to go!

We are disconecting the cooker this week end and have no idea how to stop her using the microwave (the carers will need it anyway)

any tips advice on how to get her letting them in and cooking for her - also the pils are very inportant too - i cant go to her every day as i work and have a young child and my own home to look after. I thought with the carers going in my worry would be less but it sure isnt

 

[Marianne]

Hi
Have you been in touch with Social Services, perhaps they could come up with suggestions on how to deal with the problem which they must have experienced many times before,or your mum's GP might be able to help you.

I am sorry I can't think of anything more, but I would be making contact with someone and see what they can suggest.

 

[MGB]

My mums social worker is useless - must be someone on here thats had simular problems

 

[JPG1]

I suppose you’ve tried bribery and corruption?

Without knowing your Mum or the kind of relationship you have with her:

It sometimes works if you can be there with your Mum initially at the same time as the carers, so that they can be seen as your ‘friends’. (No guarantee that will last long, though, as your Mum will forget, and if the carers change too often, then she’s likely to become even more reluctant to let them in.) But it might help.

It can also work if this service of ‘someone preparing a meal for you’ is described as “free to people of your age, so why not take it. I would if it was free”.

You’ve got to get the Social Worker to become more than useless. What are the pills your Mum needs to take? Your Mum’s only 67, and if she was only told fairly recently that she has Vascular Dementia, then her reactions seem fairly normal to me. Normal for a proud, strong-willed 67 year old with Vascular Dementia.

If it was the Consultant who told you your Mum is now in the middle stages of mixed Vascular Dementia/Alzheimers, then ask her/him how you should go about helping your Mum. And ask the SW the same question.

There are no magic solutions that work for everyone, but trial and error sometimes comes up with results. Bribery and corruption certainly are my favoured options to try!! Worked magic with one very strong-willed 80 year old, and also with one very stubborn 75 year old.

 

[Tigger]

Hi
I feel for you! Your sittuation is all too familiar!
Hopefully your Mum will come round to the idea of carers coming in. My Mum is certainly not happy about it either! It did help on another occassion when I was there at the same time and spoke to the carer making out that they were a kind person and just there to help out.
I have tried to play it up to my mum that they will help her remember to eat and take her medicine, so basically the rest of the time she can do what she wants and not worry about remebering these important tasks.
Good luck to you
I will keep in touch

 

[candymostdandy@]

Have you considered having a keysafe fitted so that they could let themselves in (obviously all depending on how your mother would react to the carers letting themselves in).

 

[Cate]

You have my sympathy. I tried every trick in the book with my mum. My problem was, there was nothing wrong with my mum I could spend hours extolling the virtues of the carers, but of course, 5 minutes later she had forgotten our conversation and we were back to square one. All persuasive conversations that took place with the Consultant, GP, Social Worker and CPN were met with the same response, ‘nothing wrong with me’, and minutes later forgotten.

We had a key safe fitted, and my dear mum, all 4’ 8” of her and 6st soaking wet managed to pile furniture up against the front door to stop the carers coming in. So sadly I have no words of wisdom for you.

Basically we lurched from crisis to crisis until the day came when mum was just not safe anymore in her own home, so she moved to a NH. That said that was the very best thing that we had done for mum, she positively blossomed in the NH, gained weight, her personal hygiene improved 100 fold, she went on trips out, she had company and stimulation all day long, and for me, instead of dealing with dirty bathrooms, tracking down rancid food, and all the other nightmare situations I actually had good quality time with mum for the remainder of her days.

 

[rhallacroz]

Hi There
Do you have a direct payment if so I would employ 2 staff who she could get to know. If you are using an agency its probabe that they are sending in different carers . THis is very frightening for someone with dementia as they are used to not letting anyone in their house they don;t know. Hope you do have a direct payment then you can have flexibility and familiarity.
Good luck
Angela

 

[Auntiep]

Help taking medication?

Hi

I've read the posts with interest, as I wasn't even aware carers could come in to ensure the person with dementia took their medication? When someone from Social Service came they said they didn't provide this service? I was led to believe they could only help with washing, dressing, etc (which my Mum has strongly refused). She may be more willing for someone to just pop in to help with her meds. How do you arrange it (obviously SS are not helpful/truthful)?

thanks

Auntie P xx

 

[JPG1]

Support workers/carers can "prompt" medication

Support workers/Carers can indeed assist with medication.

They are allowed “to prompt” – in other words, they can pop the tablets out of the blister pack and encourage someone to take their tablets.

As far as I know, they are only allowed to do so if the meds are in blister packs, as opposed to in a bottle. Pharmacy takes the responsibility for putting the appropriate tablets into the appropriate day of the week, and time of the day, and the contact between Pharmacy and patient was, in our case, arranged by the GP. But depends on who is doing the prescribing, of course.

Then the carer only needs to know which day of the week it is, and which time of day (i.e. a.m or pm, and we have had carers who did not know the difference between am and pm, which can be a cause for concern).

Another thing that can be arranged is a lockable box, into which the blister packs with tablets are placed, and the box then placed out of reach of the dementia sufferer, who otherwise might take more than they should take.

Arranged via the Social Worker, or via whoever arranges for carers to help with washing, dressing, or eating regular meals.

 

[roundy]

gosh, we all forget about these practicalities, I had the same problem with mum,didn't answer the door so couldn't let carers in to give meds, we put a coded safe out of eyesight at mums,but then the agency sent loads of girls,infact 15 people visited mum in the first week,knew I didn't want all these people having access to mums home, so asked the caretaker to keep keys,so now carers know they have to ask them for keys,oh and I got it down to mainly 3 or 4 carers going in. Has your mum got a neighbor you could trust.
not sure if it helps.
Love Lisa,xx

 

[burfordthecat]

Hi

Sorry to hear about your problems getting carers in. I have had exactly the same problem with my dad. The way which I have worked around it is , firstly I don't call them carers, but "visitors". Secondly I have asked all carers who visit to knock on the door, give dad their name and then say" I am a friend of C*****, and she has asked me to pop in and see that you are OK". So far this seems to be working. Since SS have taken this approach I have not had any phone calls from dad the moment that the "visitor" left. Might be worth a try.

Good luck

Burfordthecat x x

 

[Trying my best]

The situation with my mum was very similar to what alot of people here have described. She was paying for care that she wasn't actually benefitting from in any way and we were still worried sick as we know she wasn't eating/taking tablets/bathing etc. Often we ended up having to go round 10 mintues after the carers had arrived, totally defeating the object of having outside help. It was pointless!

In the end, clutching at straws and not expecting much, we placed an advert in the local paper for a one-to-one carer and interviewed a few people. We were incredibly lucky that the perfect person applied and she has been an absolute Godsend. She gradually built up trust with our mum and she is now like part of the family. I would definitely recommend trying this approach, rather than relying on agencies, who often send different people all the time. Having continuity is really important and enables the person to become a 'companion' as much as a 'carer'. Mum and her carer are close in age so it works really well. She and I regularly compare notes to ensure our routines are broadly similar, but she and mum have developed their own little ways of doing things as well. It took a while to organise and to introduce her gradually, but it has been well worth the effort.