I have looked up the site for the first time tonight because I have had a particularly hard day. My husband has vascular dementia - fairly early stages. We see a consultant every six months and he has all the medicines possible to slow the problem, I think. Usually we cope pretty well. I am hoping for advice on coping strategies as I feel a bit lost at the moment. He is usually unsure of what day it is and arrangements are difficult for him, but we cope quite well with these. Just at the moment I'm finding it difficult because he's always (hourly) asking if there's anything he can do. I try to find things but it's not always possible and he often can't remember the details of the job when I do find one. The other thing that is new and hard for me is that he's more bad-tempered and has started to say he doesn't need help.Is there anyone out there with advice for me? Catherineh
New experience
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Dear Catherineh, warm welcome to TP.
You have come to the right place for help,advice and friendship.
We are all in the same boat, some further along the journey than others. My partner is already in a care home, so we have travelled your path a good time ago.
I am sure someone will be along soon with help and advice.
Thank you for talking to us.
You have come to the right place for help,advice and friendship.
We are all in the same boat, some further along the journey than others. My partner is already in a care home, so we have travelled your path a good time ago.
I am sure someone will be along soon with help and advice.
Thank you for talking to us.
Hello Catherine
Welcome to Talking Point (TP).
Obviously everyone is different but I found with my Mum that, if she began to get upset or argumentative about something, distraction tactics worked better than trying to make her 'see sense'.
As regards finding things to occupy his time, it depends how bad his short-term memory is affected. Once Mum's memory was really bad, I could give her the same things to do within half an hour of the last time she did it and she was none the wiser! Things like 'could you find me a small red button' (in her very large button box), or polishing cutlery (a favourite occupation, believe it or not!)
Can your husband still read? write? Does he like crosswords? jigsaw puzzles?
Sorry I haven't come up with anything inspired; perhaps if we could have a little more detail about him and how his abilities are affected, someone else will do better.
Best wishes
Welcome to Talking Point (TP).
Obviously everyone is different but I found with my Mum that, if she began to get upset or argumentative about something, distraction tactics worked better than trying to make her 'see sense'.
As regards finding things to occupy his time, it depends how bad his short-term memory is affected. Once Mum's memory was really bad, I could give her the same things to do within half an hour of the last time she did it and she was none the wiser! Things like 'could you find me a small red button' (in her very large button box), or polishing cutlery (a favourite occupation, believe it or not!)
Can your husband still read? write? Does he like crosswords? jigsaw puzzles?
Sorry I haven't come up with anything inspired; perhaps if we could have a little more detail about him and how his abilities are affected, someone else will do better.
Best wishes
Distraction works wonders, with my stepmum I forgot how many times I said in the summer that tub of flowers looks lovely what kind are they? to her even my 8yr old got good at distracting, I found it was the only thing to carm her.
I found jobs that didn't take much think about worked best like folding towels and pairing socks, if the memory is short it can soon be undone to be done again.
I found jobs that didn't take much think about worked best like folding towels and pairing socks, if the memory is short it can soon be undone to be done again.
Hello Catherine
It`s difficult to suggest distractions when you don`t know what original interests your husband had.
Mine used to love to cook and was happy to help prepare vegetables for a while. He used to vac but I worried his feet would get tangled in the flex, so I bought a carpet sweeper. He really likes this and as the smallest bits on the carpet irritate him, he will sweep the carpet. He likes listening to music and watching Andrea Bocelli DVDs. He also still likes to read the paper, although he is losing interest now.
As far as help goes.....if I see him struggling, I ask my husband if he wants help. Depending on his mood he will either accept or decline. If he declines it might take him 10 times as long to complete a task but time is something we have plenty of.
Keep posting Catherine.
Love xx
It`s difficult to suggest distractions when you don`t know what original interests your husband had.
Mine used to love to cook and was happy to help prepare vegetables for a while. He used to vac but I worried his feet would get tangled in the flex, so I bought a carpet sweeper. He really likes this and as the smallest bits on the carpet irritate him, he will sweep the carpet. He likes listening to music and watching Andrea Bocelli DVDs. He also still likes to read the paper, although he is losing interest now.
As far as help goes.....if I see him struggling, I ask my husband if he wants help. Depending on his mood he will either accept or decline. If he declines it might take him 10 times as long to complete a task but time is something we have plenty of.
Keep posting Catherine.
Love xx
Hello Catherine
Welcome to TP!
Your dad sounds like my mum.
Most of the time I try not to disagree with her thus avoiding her becoming argumentative. She is deluded in terms of what she does around the house and other capabilities she used to have. She has also lost most of her reasoning ability so it's totally pointless trying to explain.
In terms of keeping her occupied ... she tends to 'read' the paper almost all day. I have been told on a daily basis this past week (several times), that Woolworths has gone into administration - but it's news to her! Before she goes to bed, she will say, she's taking the paper with her as she hasn't read it ... She also 'reads' books.
Others have made useful suggestions; I hope some of them work for you.
Take care and post again if you want to let off steam - I have found this site to be full of wonderfully supportive people.
Welcome to TP!
Your dad sounds like my mum.
Most of the time I try not to disagree with her thus avoiding her becoming argumentative. She is deluded in terms of what she does around the house and other capabilities she used to have. She has also lost most of her reasoning ability so it's totally pointless trying to explain. In terms of keeping her occupied ... she tends to 'read' the paper almost all day. I have been told on a daily basis this past week (several times), that Woolworths has gone into administration - but it's news to her! Before she goes to bed, she will say, she's taking the paper with her as she hasn't read it ... She also 'reads' books.
Others have made useful suggestions; I hope some of them work for you.
Take care and post again if you want to let off steam - I have found this site to be full of wonderfully supportive people.
Thanks
Thanks to all the people who responded to my message. I was really low when I posted it and it was good to have some support and advice. We're in a fairly steady phase again but I know the site is here when I need it. catherineh
Thanks to all the people who responded to my message. I was really low when I posted it and it was good to have some support and advice. We're in a fairly steady phase again but I know the site is here when I need it. catherineh
I have had much relief on visits to my mum's by putting on the music she always liked. She can drift off (mentally and sometimes even to sleep!) to places where things are easier for her. Because she likes the music she doesn't interrupt as often as she does me so we both get respite of sorts. Also boring videos of gardening programmes have the same effect. Worth a try?
