My Dad was diagnosed today - gutted!

[Sueholloway]

My Dad has been having memory problems for a couple of years, my Mum has been covering up for him! About 5 weeks ago he came down with the flu like bug and was very ill, my Sister, 48 who has Downes Syndrome lives at home with my Mum caring for her, Christmas day my sister came down with Chicken Pox! Since Dad got the flu bug the AD seems to have galloped (it was only diagnosed as AD today)! My Dad is 84, my Mum 82, my brother died 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with MS 8 years ago and I don't know how much more my Mum can take! She needs help with personal care for Dad but Dad is likely to refuse it! Mum is a prisoner in her own home, she needs to get out but won't have a sitter (stranger in the house) I work so can't help during the week, I'm at my wits end, what on earth do I do, Age Concern have not returned my calls I just don't know who can help if my Dad won't accept it, any advice welcomed!

Sue

 

[lesmisralbles]

Hello Sue

My husband is 84, 85 this May.
I am 61.
You have a lot on your plate.
Get your GP involved.
Get Social Services involved.
And.
Read some threads on TP.
I am sure they will help you
Barb XX

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Sue, welcome to Talking Point

As you have discovered any sort of infection/virus can make dementia worse. It's one of the the things we say when someone has a downturn - has he/she got an infection?

There are a lot of posters here taking care of spouses so hopefully tomorrow (no today) you will get more responses. It is entirely possible that your father will refuse help, but it is also possible he will not: for your mother's sake you have to try. You have a diagnosis for him - has your mother had a (recent) carer's assessment . As she is taking care of both your father and your sister she needs as much help as can be obtained if she's not to sink under the pressure. Why do you say she will refuse a sitter? Would it be possible for your father to go to daycare to give her a break?

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Sue

If your father has only just been diagnosed, however much you`ve been expecting it, you will all still be suffering the shock of the diagnosis.

Your mother needs to ask her GP for a referral to Social Services for a carer`s assessment. Then she will know what help is available. She could also contact the Admiral Nurses and the Princess Royal Trust, who are there to offer help for carers.

Admiral Nursing DIRECT:

telephone or email advice and support for family carers,
people with dementia and professionals

0845 257 9406

direct@fordementia.org.uk

Princess Royal Trust for Carers
http://www.carers.org/

If your sister attends day care there may be additional help available for her, to give your mother more time.

I do hope your mother and father will accept help.

 

[Cooke179]

Get as much help as you can. My mother didn't and we are now suffering because she didn't.

 

[Prague09]

Social services

Hi Sue,

Have a carers assessment with Social services and they should be able to provide you with help even though your Dad doesnt want the help. My Dad hates having help but I tell him that we cant do it all alone and he seems to accept that most of the time. Prague 09

 

[pebble]

Try not to worry about your Dad not accepting help. I was sure my mum was going to be really awkward, but somehow we got it in the door sideways. I found it best to not discuss it much or ask if she wanted it. It had got to the point where it was essential so I asked Social Services to start and kept out of the way as much as possible. It felt a really weird thing to do but whatever works has to be done even when it goes against the grain of how you would normally do things - normality is sadly gone! wishing you the very best.

 

[gigi]

Hello Sue....

Age Concern have not returned my calls I just don't know who can help if my Dad won't accept it, any advice welcomed!

...I had this problem with Age Concern and my mum last year....they are quite low key..in this area anyway..and i have the impression they are very stretched re resources and staff.

But surely if you have a Downes Syndrome sibling living at home with mum and dad there is already some sort of contact with support agencies?

It's unrealistic that 2 such elderly people should be caring for your sister..

And now your dad has a diagnosis ....well...someone in a professional capacity must be made aware of the situation.
Does your mum have a link with the people who must surely have had an input with your sister...someone she could trust?

Perhaps they could persuade her to accept more help?

Love gigi xx