Tears are falling

[Mameeskye]

The Post man just delivered a letter from the undertaker. They have a memory tree and they've sent a tag for me to put on Mum's name. They also have a memorial service with carols and remembrance.

It just made me realise that this will be my first Christmas without Mum and brought back the grief full-force.

For 5 years part of my Chirstmas Day has been spent in the Nursing home. For the first time I will be spending all Christmas Day with my sons...they have always known Mum slip off for a while to the Nursing Home. For that time I am thankful, but I look forward to seeing them all day this year.

To all of you facing this first time without your loved ones

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Mameeskye

 

[Skye]

Dear Mameeskye

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

It's not going to be easy, for you or anyone who has lost a loved one in the past year. Christmas is so much a family festival, and the gaps are so noticeable -- and so painful.

After I lost Katie, I couldn't go into shops without crying, because they were all playing carols, and I couldn't bear it.

Even now, I dread Christmas. There are so many gaps in my family now, and even though I still have John, the deterioration from last Christmas is so marked.

I wish you all the comfort you can find. This hug is for you all.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Mameeskye

It is said all the `firsts` are too painful following a loss. It seems it is true.
You have been so strong in your grief, the tears have to flow. It will not be wrong to mourn your mother this Christmas, and in years to come the pain might not be as deep.
But you can still enjoy an unbroken Christmas with your children.
Bitter sweet.
Love xx

 

[Tender Face]

Mameeskye (huge hugs back to you) ......

Syvlia has summed up the guilt trip I am going through right now about Christmas ..... of course I remain devastated that mum has gone .... then my hubby pointed out this is the first time in our married lives we haven't had to 'think about/accommodate' either or both my parents and their varying needs when planning Christmas day or the whole 'festive' season ....... We have considered for this year 'going away' - going out for the day, inviting extended family, doing 'something different' .... helping out with local charities ...... then we put it to our son 'What would HE like to do for Christmas?' ....... and his response was for 'just being at home together and playing games and watching films' ... which prompted the next guilt trip about all the years his needs and wants have come a poor second ...... and I am determined to treasure the day and enjoy the 'freedom' of being able to do just what WE want ... mum (and everyone else we have lost) will be missed of course ..... but it feels like we have a 'licence' to have Pigs in Blankets and a game of Newmarket for breakfast if that's what we want to do ......lunch and pressie opening when WE decide ....... and little else to worry about ....

Bitter sweet, indeed.

Love, Karen, x

 

[Cate]

Hugs back to you all.

Bitter sweet indeed. By know I would be racking my brains and tramping the shops to see how I could buy mums gifts from her to all the family with the allocated £5 in my hand. Well after all, you can get so much with 2/6d

I went today to meet a friend, my first time solo flying since my operation. As usual the road to town takes me past mum's NH, and of course my tears were flowing.

I am really grateful that my son and future DIL have invited us to spend Christmas with them, breaking with a 35 year tradition of me having the whole lot here so I wont have to face that empty chair at my table. Nor will there be the usual race: turkey in oven, lay table, clean sprouts, dash off to pick up mum. Arrive at NH, try as they might mum wouldnt get dressed until I arrived, even though I had put out her clothes the night before. Race to get her dressed, thinking Oh God, turkey will be somewhat dry by the time we get home. Go through the usual routine, not those shoes, want the other ones, where is my hankie, etc etc. Arrive back home, settle mum with family around her, somehow get lunch on the table feeling somewhat hot and frazzled.

Then as usual, mum would reach over, give me a kiss and tell me what a good daughter I am, and what a cook cook I am, just like my Gran.

I would give anything for just one more frazzled Christmas, and that kiss.

Love to you all, we will get through it, because we have no choice.

Cate xxx

 

[Taffy]

I would by-pass Christmas this year if I could. It will be the first Christmas without mum and dad, and mum would have turned 85 on Christmas day. Every Christmas dad would be full of the Christmas spirit it was the only time he seemed to be truly happy. The carols played for weeks before and after and the decorations were everywhere even the poor dog couldn't escape wearing tinsel looped around his collar.

Dad will get a Christmas wreath with tinsel and mum heaps of flowers all placed in loving memory and as for the rest of the day, we'll all have Christmas lunch together and I really don't know what to expect, except it will be very different from past Xmas days.

I hope that for everyone any sadness is short lived and your Xmas is enjoyable.

 

[barbara h]

I have posted on a another thread about this subject. I am also dreading christmas as it's the first one without my mam. On top of this we have sold her house and we are expecting a completion date any time. I feel it's the last link to my mam and dad and it's coming to completion when christmas is looming ahead. I also know what you mean about shopping all the christmas songs playing and the christmas cards with mam on just seem to jump out at you. I know it has to be faced and everyone tells me that the first of everything will be the worst.

Love and hugs to everyone facing their first christmas without a loved one.

barbara h

 

[Mameeskye]

Many thanks for the group hugs. I think that this is a time of year that makes you look back on what has happened and remember the good times.

My Dad used to love Christmas...but Mum would never let him play the Christmas Carol CDs until 1 December. I am looking forward to that time as my sons are wanting the Christmas Carols to start too.

Yes, there is sadness..it doesn't help that my IL's will be here but I have to remember that although a chocolate tea pot is useful (in comparison, as DH puts it, you can at least eat the tea pot!) and their presence will remind me of my loss, my children love them and that is what matters.

DH is still signed off work and we don't know what the New Year will hold but my sons are excited...we will go on...Life goes on...we will make it good!

All our relatives would want that, I'm sure. Let's share our happy memories for while they live on our family and friends are always with us.

Mameeskye

 

[Skye]

Mameeskye, give those two lovely boys a big hug from me, honorary Grandma!

Love,

 

[debby13]

Hi all

It is a year today that my lovely Dad died of this most horrific illness, I have thought about him every day since and today I feel numb and hysterical all at the same time. Like everyone else here the loss the hole he has left is such a massive void to fill. To anyone thinking about counselling who is not sure all I will say is that it massively helped me. I was able to talk to someone about my darkest thoughts and I knew they wouldn't judge me but they helped me understand that what I felt was normal.

All my love and hugs to everyone out there that is suffering. the weird thing is I still can't believe he's gone or that any of this has happened. Anyway love to you all.

xxx