My mother is 90 and has vascular dementia. She lives with me and I have looked after her for four years full-time and before that - part-time for 12 months. I am used to a demanding, stimulating career and being active. Needless to say I have found the life I now lead to be utterly boring, relentless and frustrating. I have found a wonderful social enterprise day centre that takes my mother for six hours on a Monday and Thursday. My mother loves going there and the staff are fantastic. But finding respite so I can take a break of two to three weeks is extremely difficult. Any care home I have vetted ( and there have been many!) for respite can never commit to dates unless it’s a week or so in advance. This makes booking somewhere so I can go away very difficult. I recognise that from a financial point of view care homes give priority to permanent residents. But from a carer’s perspective it just doesn’t work. When I find a care home that gives good quality care and my mother accepts the care - the next time I try to book respite in the same care home, just three or four weeks ahead the answer is invariably, we have a room but we cannot commit to it at the moment because we give preference to permanent residents ( who may or may not be occupying it!). I then have to start the process - yet again - of looking for another care home that may be able to offer respite. The only way to cope with looking after my mother - on my own as I have no family who are in a position to assist me- is regular respite. But I find the process of arranging respite so tortuous, time consuming and frustrating. I am keen to hear from others who have found ways of achieving regular respite - with continuity. I think the key is continuity - if you find a place that offers good quality care you want to continue to obtain it - nit gave to go back to the drawing board every time you need a break.
Thank you
Thank you