Hi anybody, have only been on here a few times but the last 2 months have been HELL. I live upstairs in a house I bought with my mother years ago, have always been great friends and have both been very independent. I have noticed mum getting more and more aggressive slamming doors when I don’t go down immediately screaming and swearing at me. New Year’s Day she tried to attack me she just lost it and I had to phone 111. I was terrified, she was sectioned the next day and had been terrible in the hospital trashing the room and swearing at all the nurses. I just feel sick all day and most of the night, I have been told not to visit her until they sort out medication. Any ideas about this horrible guilt trip?
Mum has been sectioned
- Thread starter Kittycatsam
- Start date
Hi anybody, I live with my mum but she had been getting really aggressive screaming shouting and swearing, she attacked me New Year’s Day so I hAd no option but to call 111 she was sectioned the next day. I just feel so so guilty and keep wondering if I could have done anything differently, any advice.
Don't feel guilty.
You did the correct thing.
If she had cut herself, or fallen and was in pain, and you called 111 or 999 would you feel guilty if she was taken to hospital so that she could be treated by experts?
Sectioning is an evocative word, all it really means that you mum is now in a place where she will be assessed and her condition treated by experts.
If you read around DTP you will find many instances of members approving of sectioning after things had settled down.
Once again, you did the correct thing for your mum's wellbeing
You did the correct thing.
If she had cut herself, or fallen and was in pain, and you called 111 or 999 would you feel guilty if she was taken to hospital so that she could be treated by experts?
Sectioning is an evocative word, all it really means that you mum is now in a place where she will be assessed and her condition treated by experts.
If you read around DTP you will find many instances of members approving of sectioning after things had settled down.
Once again, you did the correct thing for your mum's wellbeing
Hello @Kittycatsam -what a dilemma for you
You know being sectioned is probably the best thing to happen and you shouldn't feel guilty, this disease changes how peoples minds work and there is nothing you could have done differently.
Me and mum were always good friends hence the title of my thread 'A lifelong friend and me', but dementia clouds this and there are times when you really can't help the person who you know so well, and for you this is one of those times. Let the professionals take over but make sure you are there to watch over her as her gaurdian and protect her interests. Please don't let the guilt monster avail, there are many of us on here who will testify to feelings of guilt where it really has no place. Just do the best you can in the circumstances your mum is now in -thats all anyone can ask for. let us know how you get on
You know being sectioned is probably the best thing to happen and you shouldn't feel guilty, this disease changes how peoples minds work and there is nothing you could have done differently.
Me and mum were always good friends hence the title of my thread 'A lifelong friend and me', but dementia clouds this and there are times when you really can't help the person who you know so well, and for you this is one of those times. Let the professionals take over but make sure you are there to watch over her as her gaurdian and protect her interests. Please don't let the guilt monster avail, there are many of us on here who will testify to feelings of guilt where it really has no place. Just do the best you can in the circumstances your mum is now in -thats all anyone can ask for. let us know how you get on
Thank you for your lovely reply, if only we could reason with our loved ones, I phoned yesterday and she was very violent and had been chucking furniture and had broken a plastic beaker and was trying to self harm, hoping they can calm her down so I can actually visit her.
No guilt should be involved Kittycat and, as mentioned above, the sectioning is probably the best outcome. Over several years I've learned on here how people who need far more social care help than they're getting are left to stumble on, with their family/friends doing what they can without proper support. Before I found this site my mum had been sectioned and I had to find a care home for her. Believe me I would go for my experience any time over what so many on here have to deal with. The idea of sectioning is horrifying - depriving someone of their liberty - but there are so many checks and balances in place as regards it, that it wouldn't happen unless it was pretty much completely certain that it needed to be done. So, no guilt, you have no choice in the matter.
[As a caveat I want to add that I'm only talking about sectioning in relation to dementia patients, because that's my experience, not other ways that DoL may be used. I believe, and hope, that no dementia sufferer is sectioned if there are other ways to help them.]
[As a caveat I want to add that I'm only talking about sectioning in relation to dementia patients, because that's my experience, not other ways that DoL may be used. I believe, and hope, that no dementia sufferer is sectioned if there are other ways to help them.]
Hi @Kittycatsam I’ve been through the same thing, twice in the last 8 months with my Dad. He was first sectioned for two months and then was able to come home for 9 weeks before being sectioned again. He’s now in a secure nursing home that deal with complex behaviours. Don’t feel guilty about anything, the way I saw it, it was what was best for my Dad, and still is. I stand by the decisions we made and they were in my Dads best interest. Unfortunately he is hyper sensitive to medication so there’s a limit to what he can have, albeit we have tried 20 odd medications.
My suggestion would be to surrender to the process, they are doing what is needed for your mum and you have to follow through with it to give her the best chance of finding some medications that will work. Take it easy and be kind to yourself, try not to worry too much and take some time out for yourself too
My suggestion would be to surrender to the process, they are doing what is needed for your mum and you have to follow through with it to give her the best chance of finding some medications that will work. Take it easy and be kind to yourself, try not to worry too much and take some time out for yourself too
Sorry to hear what you are going through. It's a dreadful situation. My mother is currently being kept in a locked psychiatric ward due to constant delusional behaviour. She's been in for nearly 5 weeks and is now awaiting transfer to a specialist dementia hospital. It is a horrendous situation but believe me it is better than the way things were when she was at home. We were simply unable to cope with her levels of distress and delusions.
There is no need to feel guilt - you did not put her in hospital, the illness did. You are ensuring that she is getting specialist help that could not be provided by yourself. No untrained persons can deal with this type of behaviour. With any luck they will be able to get the right balance of medication to take the edge off her symptoms.
There is no need to feel guilt - you did not put her in hospital, the illness did. You are ensuring that she is getting specialist help that could not be provided by yourself. No untrained persons can deal with this type of behaviour. With any luck they will be able to get the right balance of medication to take the edge off her symptoms.
Hi @kittycasam
So sorry to hear what you have been through. I went through exactly the same at the beginning of December and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I too felt horribly guilty and like I had let mum down. However, I realised that she needed more help than I could give and she needed professional help from people who are trained to deal with this horrendous illness. It broke my heart to hear that initially she was kicking and biting the nurses as this was not my mum, but she soon settled and at the moment is still on the same specialist dementia ward where they have assessed and tweaked her meds. we are now in the process of trying to arrange more care for when she comes home, as I realise that things cannot carry on as they were before with me almost at breaking point. It is hard, I just want the mother daughter relationship we always had, but this cruel illness has taken that away.
Keep strong, and try not to feel guilty, you did the right thing
Sending you a big virtual hug x
So sorry to hear what you have been through. I went through exactly the same at the beginning of December and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I too felt horribly guilty and like I had let mum down. However, I realised that she needed more help than I could give and she needed professional help from people who are trained to deal with this horrendous illness. It broke my heart to hear that initially she was kicking and biting the nurses as this was not my mum, but she soon settled and at the moment is still on the same specialist dementia ward where they have assessed and tweaked her meds. we are now in the process of trying to arrange more care for when she comes home, as I realise that things cannot carry on as they were before with me almost at breaking point. It is hard, I just want the mother daughter relationship we always had, but this cruel illness has taken that away.
Keep strong, and try not to feel guilty, you did the right thing
Sending you a big virtual hug x
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