hi all i have just joined this forum today as not understanding on how to connect with my husband now.he was told he had vasular dementia after a few tias.going back about 6yrs ago.he has had a few heart attacks about 9 yrs ago.the last 3 yrs he has got worse eg dont talk to me or anyone much he says he carnt think of anythink to say.he dont wont to bother about how he looks or hygene.dont know where he lives outside the front door.i feel i dont want this life anymore at times and i dont even like him to be in my bedroom he is older than me by 9 yrs and at 75.just dont know what to say anymore and how to talk to him.and about what he is not intrester in any hobbies or papers books just sleeps alot.need some advise please as i have no life of my own at all as dont like to leave him on his own thankyou.
Welcome
@nug, I think most of us have been through this, it's so very difficult because you've lost your companion and soul mate and land up in a role (carer) that you probably never envisaged and certainly wouldn't want. I miss the conversations too, my partner doesn't even understand basic instructions anymore, though somehow it's easier as I've accepted that there are no conversations and its friends and family (and TP) who provide the conversations. Can you afford carers? Can you work part-time? My partner is a lot older than me, he the same age as your husband, and it's been a struggle at times but I'm at the stage of starting to make my own life again outside of home (but I know we are very lucky that he can afford to pay for care). You might try and get a Carers Assessment and find out what is available in your area in terms of support, you will really need some help, being a full-time carer is just too hard, depressing, stressful and bad for your own health. You can apply for Attendance Allowance if you haven't already and maybe Carer's allowance. Re hygiene, I used to manage to get my partner to shower only once in 3 days, strangely now that he's worse he doesn't remember the last time he showered and is quite happy to do it every two days.