Hello everyone.
I'm posting here because I think I need some support from members who care for someone with dementia or have a parent with dementia.
My father has vascular dementia and was diagnosed about 2 years ago. In that time, he's become very aggressive and was sectioned before Christmas after he attacked my mum the second time. It has now been decided that he needs to go into a care home because he's a risk to himself and also to my mother.
Because I suffered a severe spinal injury, I have not been able to visit my family who lives 200 miles away, for 5 years. I've now had corrective surgery and I'm finally in a position where I can go and see them. I plan to go early March, all being well.
But I'm struggling. Since he was sectioned, his mental capacity has dramatically decreased. I know I'm in for a big shock when I see him because the last time I saw him, while he had some cognitive impairment, he was nowhere near as bad as he is now.
He doesn't know he has dementia. Neither does he know he will eventually be going into a care home when the dementia team have sorted it all out. I'm under strict instructions not to cry in front of him because we need everyone to be "normal".
How on earth do I do this? How on earth do I set aside my emotions when I see him for the first time and see how much he has declined. I desperately wanted to see him sooner, but my spinal injury and years of waiting for doctors to finally decide on surgery meant I was unable to. I feel so angry that I've lost precious time with my dad because of this and I know this could well be the last time I go up and he knows who am I.
What emotional support is there for people in my position?
I really hate dementia. If it was a person, I'd like to beat the living cr*p out of it, because it is so bloody cruel. It's just a long process of repeated grieving. I grieved when I noticed the changes in him, I grieved when those changes became more apparent. I grieved when he was finally diagnosed. I've grieved when the decision was made to put him into care and I know that when I see him, I'll be grieving again. It sounds awful, but when the evitable happens, and I know it's coming sooner rather than later, it will in some ways be a relief because I feel like we are all being emotionally tortured by this awful disease.
So I'd welcome any suggestions or just any kind of interaction from others who have or are currently in the stage I'm in. I feel so alone right now because I have to be strong for my mother, who will go to pieces if she doesn't have the strong support I'm giving her.
How do I get through this?
I'm posting here because I think I need some support from members who care for someone with dementia or have a parent with dementia.
My father has vascular dementia and was diagnosed about 2 years ago. In that time, he's become very aggressive and was sectioned before Christmas after he attacked my mum the second time. It has now been decided that he needs to go into a care home because he's a risk to himself and also to my mother.
Because I suffered a severe spinal injury, I have not been able to visit my family who lives 200 miles away, for 5 years. I've now had corrective surgery and I'm finally in a position where I can go and see them. I plan to go early March, all being well.
But I'm struggling. Since he was sectioned, his mental capacity has dramatically decreased. I know I'm in for a big shock when I see him because the last time I saw him, while he had some cognitive impairment, he was nowhere near as bad as he is now.
He doesn't know he has dementia. Neither does he know he will eventually be going into a care home when the dementia team have sorted it all out. I'm under strict instructions not to cry in front of him because we need everyone to be "normal".
How on earth do I do this? How on earth do I set aside my emotions when I see him for the first time and see how much he has declined. I desperately wanted to see him sooner, but my spinal injury and years of waiting for doctors to finally decide on surgery meant I was unable to. I feel so angry that I've lost precious time with my dad because of this and I know this could well be the last time I go up and he knows who am I.
What emotional support is there for people in my position?
I really hate dementia. If it was a person, I'd like to beat the living cr*p out of it, because it is so bloody cruel. It's just a long process of repeated grieving. I grieved when I noticed the changes in him, I grieved when those changes became more apparent. I grieved when he was finally diagnosed. I've grieved when the decision was made to put him into care and I know that when I see him, I'll be grieving again. It sounds awful, but when the evitable happens, and I know it's coming sooner rather than later, it will in some ways be a relief because I feel like we are all being emotionally tortured by this awful disease.
So I'd welcome any suggestions or just any kind of interaction from others who have or are currently in the stage I'm in. I feel so alone right now because I have to be strong for my mother, who will go to pieces if she doesn't have the strong support I'm giving her.
How do I get through this?