Les,
And I've been off line because I brought the router into the living room, closed the door and cut the cable in two! Went into PC world today to buy a new one - they don't stock them. As the salesman was telling me this a lady next to me had brought in a cable exactly like the one I had broken. She didn't want it as it wasn't suitable and so gave it to me. What a lucky coincidence and how nice was she to let me have her old one. Apparently you can only get this cable with the full router package so I was very fortunate to be standing next to her.
I've not been so luck with mum. I spoke to the staff on Thursday and told them that when she was ready for discharge I needed to see the SW regarding an after care package. They told me mum would not be discharged until early next week and we could put everything into place for her on Monday. As I had stocked mum up with everything she needed, I wasn't going to visit her the next day (Friday)but give the afternoon to Ken, who I hadn't seen the day before.
Imagine my panic when at 1pm yesterday, just as I was ready to set off to visit Ken, I got a phone call from mum's ward telling me she had been discharged and was waiting for me to pick her up! I 'flipped'. I told them my mum was NOT being dishcharged to a cold house with no food in the fridge and no care package in place. The nurse said that mum had been offered some care but had refused, telling them that her daughter and a friend would look after her! So I abandoned the visit to Ken (yet a second day!) and rushed up to the hospital.
The nurse on the ward desk said that mum was fit for discharge and as she was 'of sound mind' could not be forced to have a care package. I was really angry as I know that if it had all been explained carefully, mum would not have refused.
Went down the ward to see mum and Betty her best friend was there. It took all of my self control not to scream at them both in frustration. I told both Betty and mum that we needed help. Would Betty go in each morning at 8am to dress my mum I asked. Betty is aged 84 (same as mum) and needs a walking stick! Betty agreed that she would not be able to bend down to help mum dress. I told mum I would not be able to visit at 8am each morning to dress her and take care of her during all of the day. Both Betty and I would do our very best but she was asking too much of us. Mum then grumbled about how much it would cost her to have help. I explained that for the first 6 weeks after discharge it is part of continuing care and is free for her (she is on pension credits). I also said that if she continued to refuse help, then I would refuse to take her home as I knew that things would 'go wrong' and I would not pick up the pieces!
The ward sister came to the bedside. I pointed Betty out to the sister and asked did she really think that Betty could help to look after mum in any meaningful way? She agreed that in fact Betty herself looked as though she could do with some help herself. The sister then joined me in talking to mum, who by this time knew I how angry I was and also was relieved that she didn't have to pay for it. Alls well that ends well I thought. The sister was happy to go off and get the SW for me to put a care package into place and mum would not be discharged that day.
Two doctors then appeared, a junior doctor who had discharged mum that morning, and the Consultant Geriatrician. They examined mum and the Consultant said that blood test results showed she had some problems with her liver and needed a scan. She would not be leaving because of her medical problems.
So from the morning when she had a broken shoulder, heart problems, kidney problems, poor mobility because of a hip replacement and asthma - but was considered fit enough to be discharged without any after care, to early afternoon when she was not considered fit enough for discharge!!!
The SW arrived and together we put a good care package in place to meet mum's needs. She was as angry as myself and had not even been asked to come to the ward to speak to mum.
As I was passing the nurses desk to leave, the ward sister said that mum would be in until Tuesday and they had found her a bed on another ward. I felt my blood boiling again! I pointed out that in 4 days mum had spent 12 hours on a trolley in A & E and been moved to four different wards and I was not at all happy that she was being moved again! She pointed out that there was no medical need for her to stay in hospital and that she was here because of 'social problems'. I was flabbergasted! What about the Consultant telling us she had to stay because of liver problems? She looked puzzled and then said ' Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that' - and of course she could stay on the ward until these were resolved!
I came home punch drunk but victorious (for now at least)!
Today I went to visit Ken and was very concerned about his black eye from the fall earlier in the week. It had drooped down onto his cheek and seemed to be filling up with fluid around his cheek bone. His glasses were hurting him and had made an indentation into the swelling. The staff promised they would keep observations on the swelling. I took him out for an hour but he was very unsteady on his feet and didn't enjoy his little stroll round the local small shopping centre at all. He is very depressed again and it was hard to keep up a cheerful front with him today.
If he is well enough tomorrow I will take him with me to visit mum. It will kill two birds with one stone. Well - we will see what delights tomorrow will bring.
xxTinaT
I think when you look back on all this, you'll wonder how you ever managed. I am pleased your mum seems now to be in the right place and that you have enough information to let matters rest for a little while so that you can replenish your batteries. 
