Guilty feeling leaving mum in care home

[Kingsbridge]

I'm finding it very difficult visiting mum in care home I keep thinking I should look after her.she wants to go home this is her third week a review is due don't know what will happen then

 

[Cat27]

I’m sorry you’re finding it so difficult @Kingsbridge. I hope the review goes well

 

[piedwarbler]

I'm finding it very difficult visiting mum in care home I keep thinking I should look after her.she wants to go home this is her third week a review is due don't know what will happen then

I’m so sorry you’re finding it hard and that your mum is finding it hard too. I found it very hard too when Mum went into a care home, initially for respite, but it became permanent. At first she did ask constantly to go home, but after a few weeks she became scared that they would send her home, and asked constantly to be allowed to stay. So, I’d say, hang in there, if you can, and see how your mum goes on. The review should be a process where people are well used to having people who are more slow to settle and they should be understanding.
Having said all that, this is an incredibly difficult time for you, and I hope you’re taking some time to be kind to yourself if you can. You’re doing the best anyone could do, so keep reminding yourself of that. I do hope your mum settles and it puts your mind at rest.

 

[jaymor]

Moving into care is very difficult and disruptive to both the Carer and the cared for. It takes time for everyone to adjust to the new way of life. My husband struggled with being with so many people in the nursing home when there had just been the two of us and I struggled with being the only one left in the house alone.

Slowly we both adjusted, didn’t like it but it was a necessary move as his care was now way beyond just one person’s ability. It’s far from easy and I’m sure many Carers wonder if it’s the right thing to do. I hope the review goes well for you both and you feel more settled too.

 

[Kingsbridge]

Thank u so much for your replies it means a lot to me to know that I'm not alone in this x

 

[Eunomi]

I'm finding it very difficult visiting mum in care home I keep thinking I should look after her.she wants to go home this is her third week a review is due don't know what will happen then

It was the worst day of my life, as my son took my husband for respite care. It was my GP. Who insisted as my health was compromised. Two days later I had a fall, breaking my pelvis and arm.
I thankedGod for giving us both a rest and after eight weeks retuned home. Thankfully my husband received a permanent place, this has been life changing. As our visits are are meaning full to us both.
It was hard for my husband to go to a strange place he had never seen, but the wonderful staff were well experienced, but my guilt was still a problem, as COVID prevented visiting. Don’t fell guilty you did your very best and it is hard without your loved one at home. Things do get better and you may regain a social life for yourselves.I do hope so.

 

[Old Flopsy]

Hi @Eunomi - your word have been such a comfort to me - my OH went into care last week and I am struggling with all the feelings you describe. I am not sure how, or if, OH will adapt as in phone calls he says he 'just wants to come home' but hopefully he will. Thankyou.

 

[Eunomi]

Thank you for your reply. Glad it has helped.as lock down gradually ease.you will be able to visit. The staff at the care home will support you if you share your feelings, before visiting,
you have to have to have a LFT and wait 45 mins so you will be able to talk to the staff of how your husband has settled and they will reassure you.. will be thinking of you and will keep in touch via this forum