Head in a spin!

[Raindancer11]

Hi all
Just in need of some advice here please. My mum is 84 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a year ago, although she was showing signs for a good year before that. She has a carer 3 times a day as she stays living at home. until recently she had to pay full cost, but now as she is under the threshold the council pay a proportion of it for her. My first question is, am I right in thinking that if she needs to go into a home that she would have to fund it herself, unless an assessment deems her unsafe at home? Secondly at what stage do you decide that a home is the best option? She is still fairly mobile indoors but getting more unsteady and now relies on a crutch, she is not able to prepare herself food or go shopping ( her carer does that for her),and doesn't make the connection between being hungry and getting herself something. She is now reluctant to keep attending her day centre, which she usually enjoys. I just see how frail and lonely she sometimes is now and wonder if being in a home, where she will be cared for and have companionship, would be better for her as she enters the middle stages. I do not live locally, work full time and have a husband with cancer at the moment. Guilt of breaking a promise keeps me from thinking about it, but I know that I have to put that aside and do what's best for her. She took a lot of equity against her house in the past and I worry about how many years she could fund. Sorry for such a rambling post - but my head really is in a spin

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Hi Raindancer 11,
My dad is in a council house he pays a proportion of the cost to the Local Authority towards his care based on his savings he has carers four times a day. I would assume that as your mum lives alone if she went into a Care Home it would be expected that her home would be taken into account financially to fund her care. From what I have read on this forum some Care Homes may want proof that the resident could pay for a certain amount of time 2 years?, Perhaps a home that takes residents that are self funding but also Local Authority funded/ supported would be a option? that way if she was settled she need not be moved unless her needs couldn't be met. I know in our area there are three homes which state they accept payments like that. I have looked as worry about dad so much but expect that until its deemed dad is a danger to himself or others that getting him into care will not be easy. My dad cannot prepare himself a meal is doubly incontinent although he has a catheter doesn't shop or do WELL ANYTHING really. Apart from carers my sister and I also support him a lot. Fortunately from a physical point of view dad is fully mobile having said that he rarely takes his dog out so we have been looking after his dog too. Dad has never wanted to attend a Day Center in fact he hasn't wanted to go out much at all as we had tried to encourage him to take up a hobby bowls but it never happened despite my taking him along to have a look ( this was three years ago ).
I have a partner with Parkinson's he also had a heart attack in May 2018 so although I do live close to dad I have had to support my partner more as from this summer the Parkinson's is effecting his balance more and he has had a few falls. Its extra hard when you have a poorly partner too so I do understand your commitment and time is torn. I'm sure you are doing your very best for mum and that is all we can do, sometimes with the best will in the world promises can't be kept and dementia only gets worse I will sadly feel some relief when dad goes into a home as like you I would feel dad would have company a lot more as I'm sure despite his moaning about wanting to be left alone he would benefit from seeing other people apart from carers and my sister and I. Dad is 85 years and Partner is 77 years sometimes its hard to tell who is the hardest work but realistically I guess its dad . I do hope I have been of some help. I think you will know when its time for mum to be in a Care Home unfortunately some people hit a crisis and then it becomes a absolute necessity, she may of course have a different opinion to you though.

 

[Raindancer11]

Thank you Wildflowerlady!
I have recently had a meeting with her care agency, and it does not look like she will need any extra help at the moment. She is fairly stable but still flatly refused to go to the Day Centre. It appears that they have changed their activities and she does not like what they do now. Apparently there are tears if she feels she is being forced, so I have asked them not to try and force her anymore. She is a chronic insomniac and so is always tired. I am just having to take it day by day for now. Her carer tells me that she is normally quite happy and that's all I can hope for.