Nonstop talking

[Cobber]

Not sleeping at night, up 3/4 times, crying for mother, to go home. Practically the same all day long, only quiet if I take her out in car or eating, which she does sparingly. My question is at about 4.00pm she wants to go to bed. Should I put her to bed? I know she will get up etc., but do you think I should try?

 

[YorkshireLass]

Hi Cobber, I gave up trying to "keep things normal" and just responded to what was happening at the time. I looked after my mum at home but trying to look after her all day and then getting up sometimes 11 times a night I had to surrender and mum moved into care. They tried their best (at the request of the Elderly Care Psychiatrist - as if we all hadn't tried!) to establish a sleep pattern. Two and a half years later mum has now had to move into nursing care and she continues to call out for her mum, dad or brother. She stays awake for days and nights at a time then sleeps for 2 or three days with no medication, no food and little drink. My only suggestion is do what is best for calming the situation at the time. I visit mum every single day and sometimes I don't see her awake for a week but to be honest sadly I am relieved. It's so much better than her fear and distress. Try and take care of yourself - easier said than done that's for sure.

 

[Grannie G]

My question is at about 4.00pm she wants to go to bed. Should I put her to bed? I know she will get up etc., but do you think I should try?

If you can cope by having a nap or a rest at the same time and then being awake during the night, then perhaps its worth a try @Cobber. She is probably exhausted by this constant anxiety.

You could ask the medics to help with something to calm her. I know they try not to give sedation because ut increases the risk of falls but constant crying and anxiety can`t be good for her either and it`s really all about trying to find a compromise.

The change at 4pm could be sundowning. If you could take her out then, it may help. The only trouble is it`s so cold and dark by then.

I do hope you find a way round this.

 

[Cobber]

Thanks. 10 years down line, I know it is me, I have to find way around, just sometimes it all gets too much. This group gives me a chAnce to whinge without being judged. Deep breaths, and carry on, regardless!!

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Thanks. 10 years down line, I know it is me, I have to find way around, just sometimes it all gets too much. This group gives me a chAnce to whinge without being judged. Deep breaths, and carry on, regardless!!

Medication is a good option. You need to be rested & in good health.

 

[Ray96]

Yes its tough. My mum would get up every night, start packing into carrier bags usually, and get ready to go home. She would do this during the day as well and I would take her out for a drive and usually for a cup of coffee and cake at a supermarket, this seemed to take her mind off it and calm her down, it was always, "Are we going, come on lets go, I'm ready". On one occasion she got out, went on a bus then got back almost home again when she fell over and was helped by a nice man. I kept the door securely locked after that incident, she didn't really hurt herself luckily enough and thankfully never tried to go out again on her own. I had given her a right telling off and she may have even thought that I was her father or my father at times.

I often wonder how I managed for so many years on my own, the worst part was when she would refuse to get out of the car and just sit there, then she would get aggressive with me. Many times some wonderful nurses at the hospital, knowing what she was like, would come to my car and get her, eventually she would agree to go with the lovely smiling ladies as she called them, and they would say to me, Ray, we'll look after her, go and get a yourself a cup of tea.

I was told that wanting to go home and calling for parents and siblings takes them back to a time when they were children and their life was secure within their family, that they are comforted by these old memories that may seem real to them. She always wanted to go see her mother who has been dead the past 30 years, in fact she thought everyone was still alive from her childhood.

It certainly takes a lot of patience, I think its wonderful that you are able to care for her at home, not easy, and not everyone can do it. I personally would do it all over again if I had to.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I am one of those people who couldn’t & cant care for my PWD at home. I’m working & disabled so it’s not an option, but i do my best to ensure that both PWD are cared for. No easy answers for any scenario!

 

[YorkshireLass]

We are all just trying to do the best we can and thankfully on this forum we totally understand. Some days we cope magnificently and on other days it feels impossible. My husband and I have cared for his mum with a brain tumour following surgery for lung cancer and his dad with heart failure and at the same time caring for my mum, blind and with Alzheimer's. MIL and FIL both escaped their suffering within 18 months. Unfortunately Alzheimer's has a different agenda and many years later continues to deprive my mum of any connection with the real world yet replaces it with fear and torment.
Just to add the psychiatric consultant refused to prescribe any medication to enable mum to sleep due to a falls risk! I think that's a risk worth taking to enable a few hours of rest and escape from torment.

 

[Ray96]

We are all just trying to do the best we can and thankfully on this forum we totally understand. Some days we cope magnificently and on other days it feels impossible. My husband and I have cared for his mum with a brain tumour following surgery for lung cancer and his dad with heart failure and at the same time caring for my mum, blind and with Alzheimer's. MIL and FIL both escaped their suffering within 18 months. Unfortunately Alzheimer's has a different agenda and many years later continues to deprive my mum of any connection with the real world yet replaces it with fear and torment.
Just to add the psychiatric consultant refused to prescribe any medication to enable mum to sleep due to a falls risk! I think that's a risk worth taking to enable a few hours of rest and escape from torment.

Yes I was willing to try any drug at one point, just to try and calm mum down a bit when she went completely out of control. One antipsychotic drug that had lots of side effects just made her very dopey and sleepy, another one made her worse. We settled on mirtazapine in the end, but she was virtually bed ridden by this stage.