Worried about my husband post appointment

[Raffaello]

I think the main reason I'm writing this down is to just get it out there to a forum who may understand. Over the last year, I've noticed that my husband forgets things that have or is happening. The other day I noticed a payment coming out of our account for Sainsbury's and when I asked him if he had been there he said no but our daughter reminded him that they had and he quickly agreed. This is just one small thing but it is happening more and more. He accepts himself that he forgets things and has happily gone to the GP had all the usual tests and now is waiting for an appointment with the Memory Clinic.

I have, over the last five years, lost both my parents to dementia in very disturbing circumstances. Friends say to me that it's men, they just don't remember what's not important to them and I try to think this is what it is but I've noticed he also can be quick to criticize our daughter for anything and everything and is becoming overly safe in his attitude to life. I'm so worried about the future, he is only 65 and I only 59 and the future I saw for us I see dwindling. I guess what I'm asking is whether anyone else has had experienced this and then found out that it's nothing more than just innocent memory loss.

 

[canary]

Hi @Raffaello and welcome to DTP

Because this is a forum specifically for people with dementia and their carers, there arnt generally people around who have been tested for dementia and found it wasnt that. We do quite often get posts like yours and sometimes people do come back and tell us that the tests were negative - there will probably be others whose tests were negative too, but they didnt return to let us know. Certainly things like stress, depression, vitamin deficiencies and thyroid underaction (among other things) can cause symptoms similar to dementia, but the only way you can know is to be tested, so its good that your husband has gone to the doctors and will go to the memory clinic. So many of us have relatives with possible dementia who will not go to any appointments.

Good luck with it all

 

[nitram]

Agree with @canary

However, without prejudging the outcome, now is the time if you have not already both made LPAs to consider making them.
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

In my opinion they are at least as important as wills.

 

[Dimpsy]

Hi @Raffaello, don't look for problems that may not exist (until they do exist).
My husband went through a bad patch at 65 after retirement, which coincided with several sad and stressful things happening to us at the same time. He was very low in spirits and his short term memory was awful, we both thought that dementia was setting in.
OH had all the usual health checks before failing the simple memory test at our surgery; he was referred to the memory clinic where he was given a rigorous test and pronounced ok.

Our GP told OH that occasionally memory can affect mood but it is much more likely that mood will affect memory.

That was nearly three years ago.

I'd like to say "and we lived happily ever after" but deep down I know that something isn't right.
We have been married for nearly 45 years and know each other inside out. I tell myself it's just OH's age creeping in or worries about the big operation looming or lack of mental stimulation since retiring from a busy workplace. My mum who has Alzheimer's lives with us and I shudder at the thought of OH going down the same route.

I'm sorry to hijack your thread @Raffaello, please take note of the first bit and ignore the second, it's the first time I've committed to "paper" my worst fear, but it won't be the same for you.

Yes @nitram, you're right, organising PoA for us both is on our to-do list, it's high time we did it.

 

[Raffaello]

Hi @Raffaello, don't look for problems that may not exist (until they do exist).
My husband went through a bad patch at 65 after retirement, which coincided with several sad and stressful things happening to us at the same time. He was very low in spirits and his short term memory was awful, we both thought that dementia was setting in.
OH had all the usual health checks before failing the simple memory test at our surgery; he was referred to the memory clinic where he was given a rigorous test and pronounced ok.

Our GP told OH that occasionally memory can affect mood but it is much more likely that mood will affect memory.

That was nearly three years ago.

I'd like to say "and we lived happily ever after" but deep down I know that something isn't right.
We have been married for nearly 45 years and know each other inside out. I tell myself it's just OH's age creeping in or worries about the big operation looming or lack of mental stimulation since retiring from a busy workplace. My mum who has Alzheimer's lives with us and I shudder at the thought of OH going down the same route.

I'm sorry to hijack your thread @Raffaello, please take note of the first bit and ignore the second, it's the first time I've committed to "paper" my worst fear, but it won't be the same for you.

Yes @nitram, you're right, organising PoA for us both is on our to-do list, it's high time we did it.

Thanks for your helpful response - it has given me a little bit of home bu I agree with you that when you've been with someone for a long time you do know them inside out and observe things that others wouldn't be worried about but you know just aren't right. I'm going to keep everything crossed that it's nothing more than stress and depression but at the end of it what I'm happy about is to have found this forum to share how I feel with others who understand. Once again thank you.

 

[Raffaello]

Hi @Raffaello and welcome to DTP

Because this is a forum specifically for people with dementia and their carers, there arnt generally people around who have been tested for dementia and found it wasnt that. We do quite often get posts like yours and sometimes people do come back and tell us that the tests were negative - there will probably be others whose tests were negative too, but they didnt return to let us know. Certainly things like stress, depression, vitamin deficiencies and thyroid underaction (among other things) can cause symptoms similar to dementia, but the only way you can know is to be tested, so its good that your husband has gone to the doctors and will go to the memory clinic. So many of us have relatives with possible dementia who will not go to any appointments.

Good luck with it all

I hope I am able to come back and say that it wasn't dementia and to be fair he passed the memory test at the GPs with flying colours twice but I guess that's grasping at straws but as I said to the response below, fingers crossed!

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Raffaello A friend of ours has been very worryingly repeating himself and forgetting things for a while now and his wife just recently got him to the doctors. Turns out that he is very deficient in vit B12 and he has been put on a high dose probably for life.

This is very recent (within the last month) so I am not able to offer you any reassurance as he has not improved yet but we are hopeful.