End stage now

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
I am shellshocked. Up to the 11th of October mum was going to her clubs and daycare and going to church as usual, then she caught a cold which developed overnight and that was that. She fell out of bed, was taken to hospital, returned with poor mobility, fell out of bed twice , back into hospital, released but hardly drinking or eating, so back in she went.
I was away for a few days and when I came back I could see how she had lost more weight, and was less responsive. Finally, the nurse took me aside and told me of their grave concerns over her not eating or drinking.She was supposed to be going to a nursing home, but I doubt they would want to mover her in her current state. I have always been close to her , and have lived at home all my life, so the prospect of losing her is an enormous worry.
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
So sorry to read this. I can imagine what a terrible shock it is that so lately your Mum was well and active. Thinking of you. xx
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
I am shellshocked. Up to the 11th of October mum was going to her clubs and daycare and going to church as usual, then she caught a cold which developed overnight and that was that. She fell out of bed, was taken to hospital, returned with poor mobility, fell out of bed twice , back into hospital, released but hardly drinking or eating, so back in she went.
I was away for a few days and when I came back I could see how she had lost more weight, and was less responsive. Finally, the nurse took me aside and told me of their grave concerns over her not eating or drinking.She was supposed to be going to a nursing home, but I doubt they would want to mover her in her current state. I have always been close to her , and have lived at home all my life, so the prospect of losing her is an enormous worry.
Update: I got a call from the hospital. The doctor said her bloods showed her organs had started to shut down. I went over, but at least she is not in distress. I waited till after 9 at night , knowing that the hospital would get back to me when her situation changes. I slept 3 hours or so, and now it's the waiting game. Luckily I have some good friends from work who have supported me, and a partner who lives miles away. One thing the nurses said: that my looking after her probably helped her survive so long. So I would say this to other carers, give yourselves a big clap on the back, you deserve it.
So sorry to read this. I can imagine what a terrible shock it is that so lately your Mum was well and active. Thinking of you. xx
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
I was told on Thursday that her organs were failing. I spent most of Friday at her bedside and the same again yesterday, but it's so exhausting. Yes, there are some precious moments, like when some volunteers from her lunch club visited ( everybody there loved her) and she opened her eyes and looked at us. But overall, I find myself dreading the final moments, and wondering when she will pass. Emotions all over the place.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
It is dreadfully painful to watch @CWR, and so emotionally and physically draining. I always kept talking to Mum, I believed that she could still hear. Stay strong.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) @CWR
You are in the last long vigil
This phase can sometimes last a surprisingly long time, so make sure you eat and sleep - the nurses will know when she is reaching the end.
Even if she seems unresponsive, she will still be able to hear, so make sure that you say all the important things - I love you, thank you, forgive me and (if appropriate) I forgive you. Tell her that it is OK to leave. Many people dont want to pass away in front of family and wait until they are alone, so do not get upset if this happens (it happened to me).
 

leslyz

Registered User
Oct 24, 2015
281
0
@CWR so sorry to hear this, it must be so very painful for you. At least you can take some comfort from the fact that your care has enriched and extended her life. Wise word from @canary, I recall my dad's final moments and both me and mum were saying how much we would miss him and then realised we needed to kind of give him permission to go cos we realised he might be feeling he couldn't leave us, it was very poignant. Extremely emotional times, for you. Bless you and sending love
 

millalm

Registered User
Oct 9, 2019
262
0
@CWR Make the most of the time you have left,just keep talking to her, hold her hand and tell her you love her and give her permission to go. As difficult as this will be, I can assure you it will be so much kinder to both of you than months or years of watching this vicious disease rob you of the Mum you have known and loved. My thoughts are with you.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
My mother passed away around 4:30 today. I could see immediately that she had gone further into the dying process. Her eyes were sunken and she wasnt focusing, she was looking beyond, if I can put it like that.Just about 4:20 a nurse had remarked on a change in her breathing. I said I wanted to wait as long as I had to. She said they could put a camp bed up for me. Immediately the nurse left, I noticed that the colour of my mother's face changed. It suddenly became yellowish, and I got the nurse, who said that she had just passed. I always think there is an Atalantic ocean's difference between a dying person and a dead body. I have seen this with my aunt too. I am grateful for several facts. Firsly, she was not on any meds, she had no pain, secondly, she was comfortable, and finally I was able to hold her hand. At one point I rested my head next to her. Such precious, precious memories to have. It was such a bittersweet time.It is painful yes but at the same time I am grateful for the good memories. She was a small person who made a big impression on many many people. RIP, my darling mother. I love you and always will.
 

leslyz

Registered User
Oct 24, 2015
281
0
My mother passed away around 4:30 today. I could see immediately that she had gone further into the dying process. Her eyes were sunken and she wasnt focusing, she was looking beyond, if I can put it like that.Just about 4:20 a nurse had remarked on a change in her breathing. I said I wanted to wait as long as I had to. She said they could put a camp bed up for me. Immediately the nurse left, I noticed that the colour of my mother's face changed. It suddenly became yellowish, and I got the nurse, who said that she had just passed. I always think there is an Atalantic ocean's difference between a dying person and a dead body. I have seen this with my aunt too. I am grateful for several facts. Firsly, she was not on any meds, she had no pain, secondly, she was comfortable, and finally I was able to hold her hand. At one point I rested my head next to her. Such precious, precious memories to have. It was such a bittersweet time.It is painful yes but at the same time I am grateful for the good memories. She was a small person who made a big impression on many many people. RIP, my darling mother. I love you and always will.
So touched to read, bless u and ur mum CWR, precious moments. X
 

theunknown

Registered User
Apr 17, 2015
433
0
My thoughts go out to you and I hope it helps to know that people (even strangers) care. Horrible as it is I think your mum had a good passing between you and the hospital. I hope that sustains you through the coming days. My mum died last Sunday in her care home after several courses of antibiotics. It turned out she'd developed pneumonia. She was 86, she died in her bed there, and there was no invasive treatment involved. It sounds terrible, but it was almost a relief - I hated the difference between the life she had and the life it became five years ago. For you, things seem to have developed very quickly but I hope you can take some sort of comfort in the contact you had up until the end.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
212
0
Thank you all so much. Between your comments and those of my friends and colleagues I feel blessed, in so many ways.
 

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