I’m sick and fed up! Dad coming home after respite!

[pevensey]

I have just come from the home.Told dad I’m stepping back as going to spend more time with my mum(divorced from dad and about 2miles down the road,)He isn’t happy about going home and having the carers in more. I have told him that he can go out with them or not.(He has a male carer with him most of Tuesday.Not one of dads favourites as he doesn’t talk..lol) I said as he doesn’t much either they should be alright.
He started to cry then and one of my friends who works there looked at me. They had never seen him do that before.
I told them he is always like that with me.

Dad has been doing a lot more walking with his frame and having a lot more company.
He won’t be doing much of that at his home as he lives alone.

I got told that he never said about going home.
I replied that I phoned you and spoke to you about staying till Xmas as I won’t be around (no public transport).I said You replied “Not particularly “ so I arranged care at home..
He doesn’t remember one day from another .

I said to him that you made the decision so you cannot blame me..
Not a happy chappy.
Ah well..Them’s the breaks!

SO, if hes never asked about going home is it just when your there, maybe on the days your not he ok and doesn't think about going home, that's how my hubby was, it was only when he saw me that he mentioned it, he was perfectly happy they said . Does he know its Christmas and does he like christmas, maybe he would have been ok staying there ?? My hubby hates christmas always has for all the 59yrs I've been with him. Quite a miserable
Bu---er really lol. They do like to do that , turn the hard done by face on and tears, to try and pull at your heart strings lol. I've got wise to it now. But I really hope it all goes as planned for you TNJJ .
Strangely hubby is in quite good spirits today, very unusual, not sleeping so much and actually trying to chat to me in his own way.
I'll wait till the sun downing starts he does all sorts of strange things then, he must have strange dreams then as he chats to himself and shouts but the weirdest thing he laughs out loud and smiles and he never smiles now normaly just a permanent angry face so it looks really strange to see and hear him laughing then
Take card TNJJ keep warm its freezing here on south coast

 

[TNJJ]

SO, if hes never asked about going home is it just when your there, maybe on the days your not he ok and doesn't think about going home, that's how my hubby was, it was only when he saw me that he mentioned it, he was perfectly happy they said . Does he know its Christmas and does he like christmas, maybe he would have been ok staying there ?? My hubby hates christmas always has for all the 59yrs I've been with him. Quite a miserable
Bu---er really lol. They do like to do that , turn the hard done by face on and tears, to try and pull at your heart strings lol. I've got wise to it now. But I really hope it all goes as planned for you TNJJ .
Strangely hubby is in quite good spirits today, very unusual, not sleeping so much and actually trying to chat to me in his own way.
I'll wait till the sun downing starts he does all sorts of strange things then, he must have strange dreams then as he chats to himself and shouts but the weirdest thing he laughs out loud and smiles and he never smiles now normaly just a permanent angry face so it looks really strange to see and hear him laughing then
Take card TNJJ keep warm its freezing here on south coast

I live in Cornwall and it is wet and cold here. No he has said to the carers here that he is enjoying the stay. No only me I believe he has never mentioned about going home to the carers.Dad hates Xmas. He usually went to Cyprus and we stayed home.This time He is home alone.
Yes,usually the heart strings work but I got wise to it a while back..
The trouble is when you play with fire,you can get burnt.

He got what he wanted.

 

[Sarasa]

Is there anyway you can try and get a best interests meeting and get your dad to stay in the care home. He obviously doesn't know what he really wants, and he seemed to be doing much better there than at home.
Thinking of you both.

 

[TNJJ]

Is there anyway you can try and get a best interests meeting and get your dad to stay in the care home. He obviously doesn't know what he really wants, and he seemed to be doing much better there than at home.
Thinking of you both.

I was going to ask about that but it appears it can only go on lacking capacity or if unsafe.

I am getting the assessment printed out and will be sending to the doctor.
On it it says he understands that he can choke (soft diet but eating scampi and chips).
At night he does not turn so he is at risk of pressure sores.
I don’t believe he understands the consequences of things but doctor says he has capacity.
So I think I need to work on the “unsafe but that can take a while.

 

[Hair Twiddler]

@TNJJ ..You have said (a couple of posts back) that you want to spend more time with your mum, my advice is...do it. You appear to be stretching yourself "too thin" imo. Take care..you are as special and deserving as everyone else...full stop.

 

[TNJJ]

@TNJJ ..You have said (a couple of posts back) that you want to spend more time with your mum, my advice is...do it. You appear to be stretching yourself "too thin" imo. Take care..you are as special and deserving as everyone else...full stop.

Hi.I have organised it this week so once he is home it will easier

 

[pevensey]

Hi.I have organised it this week so once he is home it will easier

The "Best Interest meeting " you spoke of TNJJ is interesting to me, if we can have one if the PWD is unsafe then hubby is REALLY unsafe, my heart is in my mouth sometimes when hes trying to walk and that's with a frame, he cant walk really. Hes very very unsafe on the stairs it's scary, I always go up behind him but its only time before he has a fall down them because he wont listen that hes not to go up them on his own. Hes had a few falls this week, often in the night, BUT the worst thing at the moment , Hes been sleeping in the conservatory where we have a king size sofa bed. because of the stairs to his main bedroom which was ok in the better weather but now its FREEZING in there and he even opens the window !!! I've told him he cant sleep in there now and he must come upstairs to his bedroom, take his bottle so he doesn't have to use the stairs in the night, our bathroom is down stairs. But he shouts at me AGAIN saying he will sleep where he wants and wont sleep upstairs , I'm worried he will get a chest infection or something because it's so cold out there but hes not bothered. Hes got absolutely NO IDEA of the consequence of all the dangerous things he is doing and something is going to happen soon. And he thinks he can stay alone for 2 days when I go to bristol hospital, !!!!! refused respite and refused extra carers said he wont let them in, but I've booked them secretly anyway. AND I'm going where I have to go to be with my daughter. So maybe I could ask for a
" Best Interest Meeting " do you think. Is it complicated do you know TNJJ or Sarasa