Said goodbye to mum today

[Ella H]

My first post on this forum, although not the first time I've visited.

Today was mum's funeral, after she passed away earlier this month. She had been steadily deteriorating over the last few months but the end when it came still felt quite sudden. At the beginning of the week the nurse warned me that mum had refused most food and drink over the weekend and that, although things could turn around, I should be prepared that this could be the beginning of the end. 3 days later I got the call that mum was dying and to get there asap.

It's funny - when trying to think ahead to that moment I wasn't at all sure I'd be able to deal with it, but it was almost like autopilot kicked in and I'm so glad I could be with mum in her last hours.

The funeral arrangements have been hard to deal with (I'm an only child, so had to make most of the decisions on my own) but we had a lovely minister, who did a wonderful job with the service. Mum wasn't religious, so we had a more humanist service focusing on her life and all the love in it. I also managed to read out one of the poems I had chosen. It was something I didn't think I'd be able to do originally (the minister had arranged a signal with me in case I couldn't do it) - but I so wanted to do it for mum and am relieved I managed it.

Now the aftermath.... I haven't cried much up to now but this evening has been pretty tearful. I think I was so focused on arrangements and getting through the funeral that the sense of loss is hitting harder now?

Anyway.... as one of the 'silent' visitors I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributes to this forum. My thoughts are with everyone going through this journey x

 

[annielou]

Sounds like you did your mum proud x
This forum is lovely isnt it and very helpful. I read lots of posts as a visitor before I joined and started posting.
Lots of love and sympathy for your loss xx

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi. I think you are so right that you get so caught up in all the arrangements that it is only after the funeral that you have the opportunity to grieve.
It sounds like it was good for you to be there for her last few hours and that you have done your Mum proud with the service.
Sending you loads of virtual hugs at this difficult and sad time.

 

[Dimpsy]

I'm ever so sorry to read about your loss. You found the strength to read aloud at the funeral, and you will always be pleased that you did, your mum is so very proud of her darling daughter, peace to you Ella.
xx

 

[Moggymad]

Hi @Ella H so sorry to read of the loss of your mum. I hope her passing was peaceful & the memories mostly in your mind are of happier times.
Tomorrow is my mums funeral too. My sister intends to read the eulogy, she is determined to do it herself. I know what you mean about not really crying that much before the funeral. I try very hard not to be upset in public or in the presence of others. So a few tears tend to seep out at night in the dark. With arrangements to make & things to sort out grieving has taken a back seat. Like you say the loss will be more evident once it's all over & done with.
I wish you comfort & peace.

 

[leslyz]

Hi Ella,
Condolences to you, I found your post very moving and poignant. You have been amazingly strong and wow how incredible that you also managed to speak at the funeral that's a wonderful thing and so special too. You've done fantastically to organise all that on your own, it can't have been easy. I'm so glad you found the strength to spend those precious last hours with your mum and that 'auto pilot' kicked in for all you had to arrange. I relate to your post as an only child too and hope I can draw on strengths when the time comes. Of course you are going to feel such a depth of sadness and grief now that it's stopped afyer being busy with practicalities. However much we prepare for it, we never quite know how we will be affected when the time comes. Its totally natural to feel like you do, you know that but I can understand that almost visceral sense of loss that only the passing of time will ease. I hope you feel you can post again, there us a lot of support here and it can be something of a comfort to know people care and want to connect.

Stay strong, be proud of yourself knowing you've done the best for your dear mum. Look after yourself, you must be exhausted, but allow yourself to feel the mix of emotions. Sending virtual hugs

 

[Dimpsy]

Hi @Ella H so sorry to read of the loss of your mum. I hope her passing was peaceful & the memories mostly in your mind are of happier times.
Tomorrow is my mums funeral too. My sister intends to read the eulogy, she is determined to do it herself. I know what you mean about not really crying that much before the funeral. I try very hard not to be upset in public or in the presence of others. So a few tears tend to seep out at night in the dark. With arrangements to make & things to sort out grieving has taken a back seat. Like you say the loss will be more evident once it's all over & done with.
I wish you comfort & peace.

Hello @Moggymad, sending peace to you as well for tomorrow and in the days to come.
xx

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Ella H so sorry to read of the loss of your mum. I hope her passing was peaceful & the memories mostly in your mind are of happier times.
Tomorrow is my mums funeral too. My sister intends to read the eulogy, she is determined to do it herself. I know what you mean about not really crying that much before the funeral. I try very hard not to be upset in public or in the presence of others. So a few tears tend to seep out at night in the dark. With arrangements to make & things to sort out grieving has taken a back seat. Like you say the loss will be more evident once it's all over & done with.
I wish you comfort & peace.

Hi. I hope tomorrow goes as well as possible and brings you some peace and comfort. Take care

 

[leslyz]

Sending condolences to you @Moggymad, not an easy time for you either. Thinking of you for tomorrow.

Hi @Ella H so sorry to read of the loss of your mum. I hope her passing was peaceful & the memories mostly in your mind are of happier times.
Tomorrow is my mums funeral too. My sister intends to read the eulogy, she is determined to do it herself. I know what you mean about not really crying that much before the funeral. I try very hard not to be upset in public or in the presence of others. So a few tears tend to seep out at night in the dark. With arrangements to make & things to sort out grieving has taken a back seat. Like you say the loss will be more evident once it's all over & done with.
I wish you comfort & peace.

oggymad

Hi @Ella H so sorry to read of the loss of your mum. I hope her passing was peaceful & the memories mostly in your mind are of happier times.
Tomorrow is my mums funeral too. My sister intends to read the eulogy, she is determined to do it herself. I know what you mean about not really crying that much before the funeral. I try very hard not to be upset in public or in the presence of others. So a few tears tend to seep out at night in the dark. With arrangements to make & things to sort out grieving has taken a back seat. Like you say the loss will be more evident once it's all over & done with.
I wish you comfort & peace.

 

[Moggymad]

Thankyou for your good wishes x

 

[garfield3]

Hello,
Glad it went well for you. Wonderful that you managed to speak at the funeral. I couldn’t have managed it . I’m now on week 6 since mum died. It’s a right time of limbo at the moment. Glad you were with her. You did her proud. Be pleased with yourself. Take care and find strength. Xx

 

[Marcelle123]

I am sorry to read of your loss, @Ella H - your reading of the poem was a lovely and brave thing to do. Wishing you solace and peace. xx