My mum was diagnosed with medial temporal Alzheimers in July this year. Her long term partner died of cancer in May, it was a short illness. Mum was confused through most of his illness and even went missing from hospital for 7 hours after an appointment for herself. She does not accept that he is dead and says he has been stealing from the house, lives in a flat above her flat, works in s pub, and has another girlfriend.she changes the scenario quite often. Recently she has been packing her things saying that she and her partner are moving out. She does not know where they are going, he will decide for them and tell her. I can’t throw anything away even empty boxes as ‘he’ might need them. It is so difficult to know how to handle this. I have carers allowance for her and work for one day a week. I am finding the emotional side very difficult. It is affecting my health and I get very tearful. Mum has carers 4 times a day to deal with her medications. She won’t allow them to do housework, washing or personal care. Shopping is hit and miss, and I end up doing it. My sister has health issues and had a heart attack whilst we were dealing with mum’s partners illness. My brother lives hours away by car although he phones her regularly. The hardest part is dealing with her belief that her partner is still around, she gets angry with him. She loses things and blames him etc it’s like watching a decent into madness and feeling helpless to know what to do.
My mum has Alzheimers
- Thread starter Rainbowjam
- Start date
Hello @Rainbowjam and welcome to the forum.
I’m sorry to read about your situation. It’s good that you’ve found this forum. I’m sure you will find lots of help and support here.
I’m sorry to read about your situation. It’s good that you’ve found this forum. I’m sure you will find lots of help and support here.
Hi.I have just given the carers more to do for dad.I have asked them to order his medication and take him out for a food shop once a fortnight.
I have had to because like you I could not cope anymore.It was too much.
Dad has Vascular Dementia and I would say in his middle stage.
He doesn’t know this yet that I have got the carers to do more especially going out.
All I can suggest is to get the carers to do more before you get ill.
I’m afraid as much as the PWD doesn’t like it ,there is only such much one person can do.
I cannot think of a suggestion to help with the side of your mums belief her partner is still alive.
Somebody else on here might come up with a suggestion.. Good luck.
Hiya,
The trouble is mum won’t let them do more. She has a visit once a week from an Alzheimers group who want to take her out on one to one visits. She refuses point blank to go with them, making all sorts of excuses up, her feet hurt, she is not well etc. But she is very mobile and does housework in a fashion, she can’t hoover or use the washing machine. But often refuses to let anyone else do it. It’s frustrating.
The trouble is mum won’t let them do more. She has a visit once a week from an Alzheimers group who want to take her out on one to one visits. She refuses point blank to go with them, making all sorts of excuses up, her feet hurt, she is not well etc. But she is very mobile and does housework in a fashion, she can’t hoover or use the washing machine. But often refuses to let anyone else do it. It’s frustrating.
Yes it is..Sometimes we have to wait until that stage progresses. Not a nice thing but sometimes we are left with “hobsons choice” ..In other words none..Unfortunately.
hiya,
I think it’s good that people can talk about it, but as everyone’s situation is different I am not sure how much it helps. It just hi lites how many of us are going through this with varying degrees of help/support. I sometimes feel isolated with the issues I have and there is not much local support. I go to a small knitting group but it’s only for an hour a week Not much time to talk as others also have issues. I go to a readers group once a month and go to work once a week. That’s it socially. I wonder if I should set up a craft group myself but I am not sure I have the energy or interest at the moment. It’s hard to keep motivated and this could go on for years.
I think it’s good that people can talk about it, but as everyone’s situation is different I am not sure how much it helps. It just hi lites how many of us are going through this with varying degrees of help/support. I sometimes feel isolated with the issues I have and there is not much local support. I go to a small knitting group but it’s only for an hour a week Not much time to talk as others also have issues. I go to a readers group once a month and go to work once a week. That’s it socially. I wonder if I should set up a craft group myself but I am not sure I have the energy or interest at the moment. It’s hard to keep motivated and this could go on for years.
such a rollercoaster of emotions, I just have to get used to it. But thank you for taking the time to reply. Hard enough to deal with your own issues without trying to help someone else with theirs. I hope that you are doing ok. Fingers crossed and best of luck to you too.
I’m feeling less stressed as I have sorted dad. I’m hoping that dads situation doesn’t go on for years (that sounds awful doesn’t it?) But it is what it is..
I hope that things get sorted for your mum and she will let someone outside the family help. It is hard to keep motivated and all you think about is the PWD..Take care and good luck too.
I suppose we go through a range of emotions, it’s like seeing the same scenery in different weather. You get used to anything if it goes on long enough. But the truth is that all things and situations eventually come to an end - good or bad. Maybe it’s the journey not the destination that is important.
Hello Rainbowjam. I am sorry to hear you are going through this - it must be exhausting. My Mum went through a phase of getting annoyed when she couldn't find things - accusing other people of moving them. It eventually faded - I think she got used to not knowing where anything was. The secret to getting my Mum happy was keeping her purposefully busy. You are right, it's different for each PWD - but is there anything your Mum likes doing? It could be different from when she was well - My mum started to like feeding the ducks and the birds, and petting dogs. She loved her garden so getting her to tidy that up was a good way of keeping her busy. Her house got to be very messy but it was ok - I used to clear out all the food that had gone off, but only when she wasn't there. She got VERY stroppy if I tried to tidy in front of her or do anything like talk to the neighbours - it was like she didn't want me to take over in any way. Similarly the only carers she accepted were ones that subtley came round "as a friend" to go out to do something fun like go to the shops. She told the social services people and the 24/7 carer to go away, quite forcefully!
It is so hard to do this - you are doing a good job. Take care xx
It is so hard to do this - you are doing a good job. Take care xx
