Dad opening front door constantly

[suprrr_k]

I'd like to start off mentioning that due to our current situation my family is ineligible for social support, we cannot pay it (very poor) but since my dad owns a property they deem us as being fit to pay it. My stepmother is on a spouse/marriage visa so we must keep this property (a small flat) as proof of income so she is able to get her residency here in the UK. I am saying this as I cannot accept responses to ask for social care, nor can I accept answers to ask charity or for the possibility of my father being put in a care home. We have asked charity and they have denied us support. We have asked social care and they have denied us support. When we sell the flat we can use the money to pay for my dad's care, but this will not be for a good while.

Hi,

I'm 19 years old and looking after my dad with Alzheimer's. I am starting to lose sleep due to his behaviour and I'm not sure what to do. This is impacting on my existing mental health issues and disabilities. My dad has a routine at night, he will get up, go to the bathroom, eat something, go to the bathroom again, and then start opening the front door and shutting it and opening the back door, shutting it and leaving it unlocked. After that he will go to bed and make loud yelling noises which I've heard is a symptom. I can handle the yelling, but the constant anxiety of him leaving the door open is difficult for me. I have OCD and a couple of other illnesses but it's making it worse since I'm having to check things again now, which is a compulsion I have.

I told my stepmom I would look after my dad in the evenings since she works a part time job as a 1:1 tutor and is also a little more fragile when it comes to losing sleep. It's currently 5am as I'm writing this. I feel exhausted but I feel like I can't rest until I know the door is shut. Luckily I am able to remove the keys from the back door and lock it. I can't do the same for the front door. I don't know what to do, I don't care if he does it in the day since I can tell him to come inside. I want some way to be able to lock the door at night time so he is unable to keep opening it.

However, I am worried about this as before when I've locked my own door my dad has gotten very mad and attempted to kick it down (he was already like this beforehand but coupled with agitation and anxiety from Alzheimer's it's a lot worse). I don't want to stress my dad out. I feel so lost and depressed all the time now, I end up sleeping for the whole day because I stay up.

If anyone has any idea of how to keep it shut in a way that won't upset him please let me know. I'm exhausted.
Thank you

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @suprrr_k

Reading your post I think you should be eligible for help from social services as your dad and mum both live in the property so it shouldn't be used to assess your dad's savings. I'm not certain exactly how it works but hopefully someone who is in the system now will be able to tell you more.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome from me too.

it sounds as if you’re dealing with a very difficult and volatile situation. It might help to call the helpline and have a chat with the advisers there. The details are as follows -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline

Phone number -
0300 222 11 22

 

[jugglingmum]

Reading your post I think you should be eligible for help from social services as your dad and mum both live in the property so it shouldn't be used to assess your dad's savings. I'm not certain exactly how it works but hopefully someone who is in the system now will be able to tell you more.

I assumed they don't live in the property and are renting it, based on the spouse visa comment, as to obtain a spouse visa you have to prove you have assets or income.

I presume you can access GP services? If so would a meds review help?

 

[suprrr_k]

I assumed they don't live in the property and are renting it, based on the spouse visa comment, as to obtain a spouse visa you have to prove you have assets or income.

I presume you can access GP services? If so would a meds review help?

Yes this is correct, we are renting the property. I should have been more clear sorry. It's... Very difficult to get my dad to do anything at all and he'll get very aggressive sometimes and also prefers to stay in bed a LOT during the day. You try and get him up and he'll yell at you and bat away or go under the covers. Aside from that we have had medication for Alzheimer's but it hasn't worked, I suspect it's because my dad was diagnosed quite late. We've suspected something was up after his quadruple bypass surgery as his memory suddenly deteriorated then (around 70). He his now 75. However I noticed memory loss symptoms around 68-67 but just left it as him getting old. He was diagnosed at 73 if my memory serves me correctly.

My stepmom asked to stop the Alzheimer's medication (I forget the name it's the one that's supposed to slow it down a bit) since it didn't work. As for things like anti-anxiety I think she's been to the doctor and complained of his symptoms and got told there's nothing they can do. To me that doesn't sound right but I'm not able to get my dad to do anything. He doesn't remember he has any heart condition or takes any medication for it (he does) so it's not like I can trick him into going for something else since he insists he's fine.

If there's any medications you know have helped please suggest them!! I can always bring it up with my GP myself, I can try and request a home visit from someone.

Also my dad's yelling when he goes into bed sometimes sounds like laughing and often he'll say things (talk to himself) but I literally have no idea what he says. He'll do it during the day several times and just get up and go back to bed to do it again. It's really irritating, I don't mind so much since I listen to music a lot but it does get frustrating. I wonder if he's hallucinating or starting to experience some sort of delirium, he has gotten out of bed before insisting he needs to be somewhere and that he needs to get ready for it. Or sometimes just insisting things have happened when they like, absolutely haven't. Things like insisting he's lost something today, that we need to be somewhere but he has no idea where and keeps asking. It's kind of grating especially since he likes to ask me the most. Sometimes he seems panicked when they happen but when they have again I have no idea what he's saying because he just mumbles it or says random stuff. It's impossible to hold coherent conversation with him anymore.

Thank you everyone for your help so far though I'm glad I joined these forums. As for things like mental health, I am seeing a psychologist under the NHS but it's a little sporadic at the moment. It will change soon since I'm being transferred to another person.

 

[CWR]

I'd like to start off mentioning that due to our current situation my family is ineligible for social support, we cannot pay it (very poor) but since my dad owns a property they deem us as being fit to pay it. My stepmother is on a spouse/marriage visa so we must keep this property (a small flat) as proof of income so she is able to get her residency here in the UK. I am saying this as I cannot accept responses to ask for social care, nor can I accept answers to ask charity or for the possibility of my father being put in a care home. We have asked charity and they have denied us support. We have asked social care and they have denied us support. When we sell the flat we can use the money to pay for my dad's care, but this will not be for a good while.

Hi,

I'm 19 years old and looking after my dad with Alzheimer's. I am starting to lose sleep due to his behaviour and I'm not sure what to do. This is impacting on my existing mental health issues and disabilities. My dad has a routine at night, he will get up, go to the bathroom, eat something, go to the bathroom again, and then start opening the front door and shutting it and opening the back door, shutting it and leaving it unlocked. After that he will go to bed and make loud yelling noises which I've heard is a symptom. I can handle the yelling, but the constant anxiety of him leaving the door open is difficult for me. I have OCD and a couple of other illnesses but it's making it worse since I'm having to check things again now, which is a compulsion I have.

I told my stepmom I would look after my dad in the evenings since she works a part time job as a 1:1 tutor and is also a little more fragile when it comes to losing sleep. It's currently 5am as I'm writing this. I feel exhausted but I feel like I can't rest until I know the door is shut. Luckily I am able to remove the keys from the back door and lock it. I can't do the same for the front door. I don't know what to do, I don't care if he does it in the day since I can tell him to come inside. I want some way to be able to lock the door at night time so he is unable to keep opening it.

However, I am worried about this as before when I've locked my own door my dad has gotten very mad and attempted to kick it down (he was already like this beforehand but coupled with agitation and anxiety from Alzheimer's it's a lot worse). I don't want to stress my dad out. I feel so lost and depressed all the time now, I end up sleeping for the whole day because I stay up.

If anyone has any idea of how to keep it shut in a way that won't upset him please let me know. I'm exhausted.
Thank you

I had the same problem with my mother; I ended up putting the chain so high up she couldnt reach it, which meant at night I could rest secure in the knowledge that the front door wasn't open.