Time to say enough

[Rosie 49]

My OH seems to be getting more and more paranoid he is sleeping les and less and his erratic and sometimes aggressive behaviour has become impossible for me to cope with.
He has no money so cannot self fund.
I am waiting for needs assessment for both of us. Can I just refuse to care for him anymore as affecting my metal health, also due to previous separation from each other the house is mine so he has to go somewhere else. I have reached the end of my tether

 

[nellbelles]

@Rosie 49 I’m sorry that things have become so difficult for you.
No one can be forced to care for another person when I reached breaking point my GP said she would write to SS and tell them I was too ill to continue caring as it happened my husband went in to respite and didn’t come out.
So maybe a visit to your GP to tell them how you feel and a call to SS to tell them you are unable to continue to care for him..
Maybe the Alzheimer’s helpline would also be a good place to call if you think talking to someone would help
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline
Please keep posting for support

 

[Roseleigh]

This is quite extreme but you could threaten adult social care that if they dont offer a place within say two weeks you are going to leave him at your local A&E. However it's probably better to adopt the reasonable and rational approach first.
Mine too is similar, sleeping awful, psychotic and agitated behaviour, but my circumstances are different to yours.

 

[White Rose]

My OH seems to be getting more and more paranoid he is sleeping les and less and his erratic and sometimes aggressive behaviour has become impossible for me to cope with.
He has no money so cannot self fund.
I am waiting for needs assessment for both of us. Can I just refuse to care for him anymore as affecting my metal health, also due to previous separation from each other the house is mine so he has to go somewhere else. I have reached the end of my tether

I can't offer any useful information Rosie 49 but just a virtual hug because really it's just too much to have to be a full time carer to a PWD to the point where it affects our mental and physical health. At least you have the house and they can't take that to fund future care. I hope you are able to manage a bit of time to yourself and can get something permanent sorted moving forward, a friend of mine with no personal funds managed to get her PWD into a care home eventually, so just keep fighting for it.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Adult social care have a duty of care to the PWD & also the carer. Call your mental health team & speak to them as they can act quicker. good luck
Keep posting
X

 

[Roseleigh]

My OH seems to be getting more and more paranoid he is sleeping les and less and his erratic and sometimes aggressive behaviour has become impossible for me to cope with.
He has no money so cannot self fund.
I am waiting for needs assessment for both of us. Can I just refuse to care for him anymore as affecting my metal health, also due to previous separation from each other the house is mine so he has to go somewhere else. I have reached the end of my tether

Well Rosie he sounds very similar to my OH who literally went mental last night. He was like a raging bull, shouting storming around, trying to get out of the house and even pulled a kitchen cupboard door off. He eventually burnt out and turned calm, went to bed at about 4 then got up at 7, still calm, but by 9 raging again. I got in touch with everyone, dementia nurse, social worker, GP and the GP came out lunchtime. I felt he should have been taken into the centre but theyve prescribed Risperidone and it appears to be working. He's been very placid this evening and has now gone to bed quietly.

If he is aggressive and showing signs of psychosis (hallucinations, bizarre delusions) then do ask your mental health team about anti psychotics. Dont, as I did, wait until you feel in danger, and there is a crisis situation.

 

[Rosserk]

Well Rosie he sounds very similar to my OH who literally went mental last night. He was like a raging bull, shouting storming around, trying to get out of the house and even pulled a kitchen cupboard door off. He eventually burnt out and turned calm, went to bed at about 4 then got up at 7, still calm, but by 9 raging again. I got in touch with everyone, dementia nurse, social worker, GP and the GP came out lunchtime. I felt he should have been taken into the centre but theyve prescribed Risperidone and it appears to be working. He's been very placid this evening and has now gone to bed quietly.

If he is aggressive and showing signs of psychosis (hallucinations, bizarre delusions) then do ask your mental health team about anti psychotics. Dont, as I did, wait until you feel in danger, and there is a crisis situation.

My father was like this so I phoned an ambulance and told the ambulance driver they needed to section him. He was sectioned under the mental health act section 3 and all his care was fully funded because he was a danger to himself and my elderly mother. You need to phone SS or email if it’s easier and tell them he is dangerous and you fear for your safety and his and they need to do something ASAP! X

 

[Roseleigh]

My father was like this so I phoned an ambulance and told the ambulance driver they needed to section him. He was sectioned under the mental health act section 3 and all his care was fully funded because he was a danger to himself and my elderly mother. You need to phone SS or email if it’s easier and tell them he is dangerous and you fear for your safety and his and they need to do something ASAP! X

As I said I did but the first resort is to antipsychotic drugs which I have to say do appear to be working. My ACs were so concerned DD also rang mental health nurse and as an NHS professional herself, she knows the 'buzz words' to use but they were not willing to section him. His social worker had been talking of his getting NHS healthcare funding like your dad, but I suspect the unfortunate side effect from my point of view now, is that assuming his behaviour is stabilised by the drugs, he will not qualify for this.

Did they put your dad on antipsychotics after taking him in?

 

[Rosserk]

As I said I did but the first resort is to antipsychotic drugs which I have to say do appear to be working. My ACs were so concerned DD also rang mental health nurse and as an NHS professional herself, she knows the 'buzz words' to use but they were not willing to section him. His social worker had been talking of his getting NHS healthcare funding like your dad, but I suspect the unfortunate side effect from my point of view now, is that assuming his behaviour is stabilised by the drugs, he will not qualify for this.

Did they put your dad on antipsychotics after taking him in?

Yes they did and he was much calmer but it didn’t change anything. My father would still lash out during personal care even with antipsychotic drugs, he was very strong. The drugs may work for your father but it may only be in the short term x

 

[Roseleigh]

Yes they did and he was much calmer but it didn’t change anything. My father would still lash out during personal care even with antipsychotic drugs, he was very strong. The drugs may work for your father but it may only be in the short term x

Interesting because I am noticing although my OH (my PWD isnt my dad) is improved on the drug he's still flipping into aggressive modes. He's not AS bad as your dad, lashing out, but very difficult, verbally aggressive and causing damage to things. He seems to be unable to resist meddling and damages things - he broke my computer mouse earlier. Also after he's flipped he won't take the medication, or indeed any food or drink until he's burned out.

 

[Rosserk]

Interesting because I am noticing although my OH (my PWD isnt my dad) is improved on the drug he's still flipping into aggressive modes. He's not AS bad as your dad, lashing out, but very difficult, verbally aggressive and causing damage to things. He seems to be unable to resist meddling and damages things - he broke my computer mouse earlier. Also after he's flipped he won't take the medication, or indeed any food or drink until he's burned out.

Your PWD is volatile and that’s a problem. Verbal aggression can quickly turn physical. Be careful and always expect the unexpected. X

 

[Roseleigh]

Your PWD is volatile and that’s a problem. Verbal aggression can quickly turn physical. Be careful and always expect the unexpected. X

You are right. As my daughter reminds me, because I think I can predict his behaviour, doesn't mean he won't act unpredictably as his brain is changing. She wants me to get him in a CH asap, but it's not so straightforward. You are fortunate that at least your dad has NHS funding.

 

[Roseleigh]

Yes they did and he was much calmer but it didn’t change anything. My father would still lash out during personal care even with antipsychotic drugs, he was very strong.

I am having huge problems finding a care home willing to take OH. We have quite a number of care homes locally but every one is rejecting him because of his explosive history. I feel so miserable now. I found another lovely nursing home recommended by my GP, and they too have said no due to risk to other residents. How did you find one willing to take your dad? He was totally quiet and well behaved today too when he was assessed.