Still smarting at tactless gp practice

[leslyz]

I got a call out of the blue today whilst at work. I'd noticed several missed calls from unknown number and thought better answer even though at work. GP says he's just been to c mum at care home and wants to go through some questions re end of life care. A bit of a shock and I asked if we could do this at another time as I'm at work and its something that needs a bit of thought and privacy. I explain it's chaotic and noisy and we've just had a fire drill and the phone signal is poor.

However, he launches into "would you want her to die at the home rather than hospital"? I reiterate again its difficult to have this conversation right now and whilst he shows some sympathy, he then explains it will only take 5 minutes. He's reluctant to reschedule the conversation to another day but I get him to agree to calling me in an hour and a half as a compromise. He calls earlier and I have to make apologies to my boss who I'm in a meeting with and off we go again. It's painful. I know it needs doing and the questions are relevant but I find the insensitivity and lack of warning quite incredible. Surely it would be usual to have a bit of advance notice about this sort of conversation so you could really think about it and be prepared. I mentioned that I had POA for health and would like to look over it and that ideally we would have met and discussed some of this with mum as she still has opinions and views about this. He actually said he only saw my mum in passing. I do realise that questions such as DNR status are important but is it normal practice to get a call like this out of the blue and be pressured to respond in this way?

I could complain but don't know whether I can face that in view of the myriad of other hassles and battles there are. In the scheme of things I guess this is just an irritation but I did find it quite upsetting and insensitive.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing out of the blue? As I said I know it needs doing it was just the way it was done that bugged me.

 

[Bikerbeth]

No I have not had it happened to me but it would ‘bug me’ to the way it was done, especially when you explained you were at work. If you find the time/strength I think a letter to the practice manager might be worth while saying roughly what you said above.

 

[Dimpsy]

Agree with @Bikerbeth, it's not pleasant having to complain, but in this instance a brief letter/email to the practise manager outlining what happened.
It seems very callous to fire such important questions at you out of the blue, in your work place, no wonder you are upset. Maybe the GP needs a subtle reminder of 'bedside manners'; he may deal with life and death in the course of his day, us mere mortals need a little support and guidance in these matters.

 

[Sirena]

No, I haven't, the question was addressed very sensitively by the care home manager at a planned review meeting. We both agreed it would be better for her to be in the care home and not in hospital.

The conversation was held when my mother was still well and not end of life - I think it's a good idea to discuss it in advance so you have a plan for what will inevitably happen. I have no idea why the GP thought it was a good idea to ring you and harass you about it, presumably it was a box he needed to tick for his own convenience, he needs some re-training.

 

[Rosettastone57]

I got a call out of the blue today whilst at work. I'd noticed several missed calls from unknown number and thought better answer even though at work. GP says he's just been to c mum at care home and wants to go through some questions re end of life care. A bit of a shock and I asked if we could do this at another time as I'm at work and its something that needs a bit of thought and privacy. I explain it's chaotic and noisy and we've just had a fire drill and the phone signal is poor.

However, he launches into "would you want her to die at the home rather than hospital"? I reiterate again its difficult to have this conversation right now and whilst he shows some sympathy, he then explains it will only take 5 minutes. He's reluctant to reschedule the conversation to another day but I get him to agree to calling me in an hour and a half as a compromise. He calls earlier and I have to make apologies to my boss who I'm in a meeting with and off we go again. It's painful. I know it needs doing and the questions are relevant but I find the insensitivity and lack of warning quite incredible. Surely it would be usual to have a bit of advance notice about this sort of conversation so you could really think about it and be prepared. I mentioned that I had POA for health and would like to look over it and that ideally we would have met and discussed some of this with mum as she still has opinions and views about this. He actually said he only saw my mum in passing. I do realise that questions such as DNR status are important but is it normal practice to get a call like this out of the blue and be pressured to respond in this way?

I could complain but don't know whether I can face that in view of the myriad of other hassles and battles there are. In the scheme of things I guess this is just an irritation but I did find it quite upsetting and insensitive.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing out of the blue? As I said I know it needs doing it was just the way it was done that bugged me.

My husband had POA health and welfare for his mother and when she went into care last year, he had a call from her new GP about end of life care. This wasn't totally out of the blue, as the home's manager had previously raised the subject. He wasn't bothered about the timing, although he thought afterwards it might have been better face to face. Perhaps it's just sort of standard practice

 

[Lawson58]

Being the forthright old battle axe I am when I think something needs changing (not just for my benefit but for others who will find themselves in the same situation) I would arrange an appointment with the GP and explain to him very politely the error of his ways.

I did this with a psychologist once. I sat him down and told him why he was so far off the mark with a particular issue. He sat there for a few minutes without saying a word and then thanked me for my input, making the comment that he thought I had been very brave to do what I did.

Bravery didn't come into it. I was just plain angry!

 

[Mousehill]

I would write a formal letter to the Practice Manager, sticking to the point and stating politely but firmly that the GP's approach was out of order.

I've had to deal with a much less serious situation today, when a phlebotomist turned up unannounced at the door to take blood from mum. Fine - but I had absolutely no prior warning that she was coming; I had just settled mum in her chair with a brew and some lunch because I had to get to a funeral and when I politely mentioned to the phlebotomist that we weren't expecting her and had no prior warning, she informed me that she'd already been several times before and couldn't get in! (Which explains mum's conviction that 'people' were coming to the window when I wasn't there!)

There seems to be absolutely no consideration for how people with dementia can be affected by sudden changes in routine and confusion, or the impact it can have on people who are caring for them. One would hope the medical profession of all people would have more idea!

 

[Grannie G]

Sometimes the thoughtlessness of these professionals needs to be pointed out. Perhaps not a formal complaint but certainly a complaint to the surgery.

I had an appointment at my surgery when my husband had a two hour slot with an agency carer.

I arrived for my appointment only to be told the doctor was running late and I`d have at least an hour to wait.

This meant the travelling time and the wait would overrun my sitting time and I was so upset I burst into tears and said I`d have to make another appointment at a later date.

The reception staff were so shocked by my reaction it was obvious they had no idea of the pressures I was experiencing.

They quickly reassured me and managed to get to see the doctor in time.

Somehow they need to know.

 

[Lawson58]

I would write a formal letter to the Practice Manager, sticking to the point and stating politely but firmly that the GP's approach was out of order.

I've had to deal with a much less serious situation today, when a phlebotomist turned up unannounced at the door to take blood from mum. Fine - but I had absolutely no prior warning that she was coming; I had just settled mum in her chair with a brew and some lunch because I had to get to a funeral and when I politely mentioned to the phlebotomist that we weren't expecting her and had no prior warning, she informed me that she'd already been several times before and couldn't get in! (Which explains mum's conviction that 'people' were coming to the window when I wasn't there!)

There seems to be absolutely no consideration for how people with dementia can be affected by sudden changes in routine and confusion, or the impact it can have on people who are caring for them. One would hope the medical profession of all people would have more idea!

And such inefficiency just adds to the cost of running a health service.

 

[leslyz]

No I have not had it happened to me but it would ‘bug me’ to the way it was done, especially when you explained you were at work. If you find the time/strength I think a letter to the practice manager might be worth while saying roughly what you said above.

Thank you @Bikerbeth I think I'm moving towards writing to them as you suggest. Am reassured it wasn't me being oversensitive. Thanks

 

[leslyz]

Agree with @Bikerbeth, it's not pleasant having to complain, but in this instance a brief letter/email to the practise manager outlining what happened.
It seems very callous to fire such important questions at you out of the blue, in your work place, no wonder you are upset. Maybe the GP needs a subtle reminder of 'bedside manners'; he may deal with life and death in the course of his day, us mere mortals need a little support and guidance in these matters.

Thank you @Dimpsy for the validation, I feel more reassured that my gut reaction was right after everyone's kind responses. Thanks

 

[leslyz]

No, I haven't, the question was addressed very sensitively by the care home manager at a planned review meeting. We both agreed it would be better for her to be in the care home and not in hospital.

The conversation was held when my mother was still well and not end of life - I think it's a good idea to discuss it in advance so you have a plan for what will inevitably happen. I have no idea why the GP thought it was a good idea to ring you and harass you about it, presumably it was a box he needed to tick for his own convenience, he needs some re-training.

Hi @Sirena , thank you for your reply, that's exactly what it felt like harassment and it being more about his convenience than mine. I'm defo going to write and as u say he needs educating. Thans

 

[leslyz]

My husband had POA health and welfare for his mother and when she went into care last year, he had a call from her new GP about end of life care. This wasn't totally out of the blue, as the home's manager had previously raised the subject. He wasn't bothered about the timing, although he thought afterwards it might have been better face to face. Perhaps it's just sort of standard practice

Thanks @Rosettastone57, thanks for responding. I guess as you say it is standard practice and it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd been somewhat prepared which I really wasn't. Thanks

 

[leslyz]

Being the forthright old battle axe I am when I think something needs changing (not just for my benefit but for others who will find themselves in the same situation) I would arrange an appointment with the GP and explain to him very politely the error of his ways.

I did this with a psychologist once. I sat him down and told him why he was so far off the mark with a particular issue. He sat there for a few minutes without saying a word and then thanked me for my input, making the comment that he thought I had been very brave to do what I did.
Hi @Lawson58, thanks for responding. Wow good for you for standing up to these guys I do think that doctors in particular have a rather god like attitude. Thanks

Bravery didn't come into it. I was just plain angry!

 

[leslyz]

I would write a formal letter to the Practice Manager, sticking to the point and stating politely but firmly that the GP's approach was out of order.

I've had to deal with a much less serious situation today, when a phlebotomist turned up unannounced at the door to take blood from mum. Fine - but I had absolutely no prior warning that she was coming; I had just settled mum in her chair with a brew and some lunch because I had to get to a funeral and when I politely mentioned to the phlebotomist that we weren't expecting her and had no prior warning, she informed me that she'd already been several times before and couldn't get in! (Which explains mum's conviction that 'people' were coming to the window when I wasn't there!)

There seems to be absolutely no consideration for how people with dementia can be affected by sudden changes in routine and confusion, or the impact it can have on people who are caring for them. One would hope the medical profession of all people would have more idea!

Hi @Mousehill thanks for your reply and support. Can you believe these guys - what you experienced is ridiculous as you say you'd think the medical profession would have a bit more consideration

 

[leslyz]

Sometimes the thoughtlessness of these professionals needs to be pointed out. Perhaps not a formal complaint but certainly a complaint to the surgery.

I had an appointment at my surgery when my husband had a two hour slot with an agency carer.

I arrived for my appointment only to be told the doctor was running late and I`d have at least an hour to wait.

This meant the travelling time and the wait would overrun my sitting time and I was so upset I burst into tears and said I`d have to make another appointment at a later date.

The reception staff were so shocked by my reaction it was obvious they had no idea of the pressures I was experiencing.

They quickly reassured me and managed to get to see the doctor in time.

Somehow they need to know.

Hi @Grannie G thanks for your reply. I've been there with the breaking down in frustration and the shocked reaction as you say they seem to have no idea of the burden all this takes. Thanks

 

[leslyz]

And such inefficiency just adds to the cost of running a health service.

Too right @Lawson58 and BTW thank you for ur earlier response I replied but it seems to have got stuck in the body of your text

 

[theunknown]

I went to my mum's care home because they wanted to update the care plan a few months ago. The person I spoke to chose to ask me if I was planning 'cremation or burial' when my mum was sitting right beside me. I was so taken aback and shocked that I answered her. It was only a few minutes later that I said I didn't feel comfortable about answering these questions whilst sitting next to my mum. My mum died this past Sunday and the people from the home I've spoken to in the last couple of weeks have been great, but I won't forget (unless I get Alzheimers [sorry]) that incident, and when I last saw my mum on the Friday the same person spoke to me again, asking me if it was going to be a cremation when my mum died. Why? What's it got to do with you?

It's been a long time since I was able to communicate with my mum, or understand her, but how do I know whether she was able to understand just what was being said on that visit?

 

[Banjomansmate]

I believe the Care Home needed to know whether you wished your Mum to be. Cremated or buried as they have to tell the certifying Dr. so they know how many signatures they need.

 

[Dimpsy]

I went to my mum's care home because they wanted to update the care plan a few months ago. The person I spoke to chose to ask me if I was planning 'cremation or burial' when my mum was sitting right beside me. I was so taken aback and shocked that I answered her. It was only a few minutes later that I said I didn't feel comfortable about answering these questions whilst sitting next to my mum. My mum died this past Sunday and the people from the home I've spoken to in the last couple of weeks have been great, but I won't forget (unless I get Alzheimers [sorry]) that incident, and when I last saw my mum on the Friday the same person spoke to me again, asking me if it was going to be a cremation when my mum died. Why? What's it got to do with you?

It's been a long time since I was able to communicate with my mum, or understand her, but how do I know whether she was able to understand just what was being said on that visit?

Sending my condolences to you @theunknown for the passing of your mum, may you both find peace.