Best interest meeting.

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
I’m after some advice from TP friends,on who can ask for a best interest meeting and who would need to be there. A bit of background history.Dad has been in a care home since January and his Lewy body dementia has taken a nose dive since he had shingles.He has started with aggression and paranoia ,which has escalated in the last couple of weeks.Hes attacking (verbally and in 2 cases he actually grabbed someone) care staff and residents.The care home have said he may be better in a smaller home but as Dad is part funded by the LA I don’t think I can just move him.As usual,this has come to a head at a weekend so I can’t do anything until Monday.I rang his Geriatrition yesterday (the care home and gp asked me to!!Why they couldn’t do it I don’t know) and she says he needs to be seen by the mental health team as they can give different drugs that can help.I really am in a quandary what to do for the best. The care home ring me when he’s at his worse and I go round as I only live 10 minutes away.Yesturday it took the manager 20 minutes to get him to his room and calm him down and then they called me to go round.The terrible thing is that dad knows when he’s had an episode and starts crying. This can happen 3 or 4 times a day.He was always such a quiet man and this ****** disease has robbed him of his personality. Sorry.I’m all over the place today, wondering where we go next hence,can I ask for a best interest meeting or will the care home do it?Thank you for reading.I can always rely on some good advice from TP friends and I thank you for sharing your experiences to help others with they’re problems. Big hugs to you all.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Hello @Juliematch

I think you can ask for a best interests meeting. It`s something I would do in your position. They can only say No and if they do you can ask why.

I don`t think some professionals realise how upsetting it is for family members to fear their people with dementia are afraid and that this may affect their dementia.

It makes me cross when care home registered for dementia want to opt out at the first sign of challenging behaviour.

Of course neither staff nor other residents should accept aggressive challenging behaviour but there are ways of managing it.

I`m sure your Dad would be better in a smaller home. My husband was in a home which accommodated 17 residents and it was an old house, just like a normal home. He fitted in there well and the staff were very kind to him and so his aggression eased.

Do ask for a best interests meeting. You can`t do anything independently if your dad is part funded by the LA.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
Thank you grannie g. I feel the same about the care home, especially as ,when we were looking into care homes I asked the question( thanks to TP) what behaviours they could deal with and they said all. Now he’s going through this horrid episode,they politely said about moving, as if it was in his best interest and not that they can’t cope with him .Why would they then keep ringing me when he’s angry,if they can’t cope.I will start the ball rolling on Monday.First contact the LA, but as the Geriatrition said, moving him will no stop the aggression but if we can get the right medication and maybe a smaller carehome things will be easier for him. Thank you for your advice.
 

Alfiefern

Registered User
May 14, 2018
10
0
Hi,

So sorry to hear that your Dad is having such a difficult time and the consequent impact that this has on yourself.
Someone needs to address this and the best person would be someone from an ‘Old age psychiatry ‘ team.

I hope things improve for your Dad.

Best wishes
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
Thank you Ajcollins for your advice. I’ve had a lovely chat with my cousin who’s mum has Alzheimer’s.Shes been through it all and we had a catch-up today. After feeling like my head was spinning ,she helped me decide my plan of action. Tomorrow I will see the care home manager and ask for a meeting with him ,the mental health team and the LA.Im not going to do all the phoning and organising.They are the ones who are getting paid to care and for his well being.This is so out of my comfort zone as Dad has been in my care for so long and I’ve always done what’s best for him. When Dad first went into care ,I asked on here how do you stop caring so much,when PWD goes into care.I was told you never really stop caring and how right they all were. I am so glad I found this lovely forum. It’s been a godsend.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
Well ,you would be proud of me.I hate confrontation I just went to care home and told them if they want him moved they have to arrange a meeting with all concerned.Told them it’s they’re responsibility to sort out LA and would you believe it, they hadn’t got the message I left after ringing the Geriatrition ,which was important.Im so out of my comfort zone but dads well being is far more important than my feelings.Apparently he’s had a bad weekend (Atleast they didn’t ring me to go round) and he’s tried attacking a couple of carers.They started his extra psychotics but I suppose they take a time to work. He’s gone out to music for the mind with his side by side friend this morning.He really enjoys this so let’s hope he behaves. Just got to wait now and see what happens next.it won’t take to long but I won’t hold my breath. Thanks for reading.It helps so much to write it down and know others will understand.
 

Alfiefern

Registered User
May 14, 2018
10
0
Well ,you would be proud of me.I hate confrontation I just went to care home and told them if they want him moved they have to arrange a meeting with all concerned.Told them it’s they’re responsibility to sort out LA and would you believe it, they hadn’t got the message I left after ringing the Geriatrition ,which was important.Im so out of my comfort zone but dads well being is far more important than my feelings.Apparently he’s had a bad weekend (Atleast they didn’t ring me to go round) and he’s tried attacking a couple of carers.They started his extra psychotics but I suppose they take a time to work. He’s gone out to music for the mind with his side by side friend this morning.He really enjoys this so let’s hope he behaves. Just got to wait now and see what happens next.it won’t take to long but I won’t hold my breath. Thanks for reading.It helps so much to write it down and know others will understand.
Well ,you would be proud of me.I hate confrontation I just went to care home and told them if they want him moved they have to arrange a meeting with all concerned.Told them it’s they’re responsibility to sort out LA and would you believe it, they hadn’t got the message I left after ringing the Geriatrition ,which was important.Im so out of my comfort zone but dads well being is far more important than my feelings.Apparently he’s had a bad weekend (Atleast they didn’t ring me to go round) and he’s tried attacking a couple of carers.They started his extra psychotics but I suppose they take a time to work. He’s gone out to music for the mind with his side by side friend this morning.He really enjoys this so let’s hope he behaves. Just got to wait now and see what happens next.it won’t take to long but I won’t hold my breath. Thanks for reading.It helps so much to write it down and know others will understand.
Hi Julie
Well ,you would be proud of me.I hate confrontation I just went to care home and told them if they want him moved they have to arrange a meeting with all concerned.Told them it’s they’re responsibility to sort out LA and would you believe it, they hadn’t got the message I left after ringing the Geriatrition ,which was important.Im so out of my comfort zone but dads well being is far more important than my feelings.Apparently he’s had a bad weekend (Atleast they didn’t ring me to go round) and he’s tried attacking a couple of carers.They started his extra psychotics but I suppose they take a time to work. He’s gone out to music for the mind with his side by side friend this morning.He really enjoys this so let’s hope he behaves. Just got to wait now and see what happens next.it won’t take to long but I won’t hold my breath. Thanks for reading.It helps so much to write it down and know others will understand.
Hi Julie,

Well done you!! I hope his anti psychotic medication works well for him and that he becomes more settled.
What a time you must be having. Nice to hear that your Dad enjoys music. Such a tonic for the mind.

Good luck with everything and hope that everything will be better for both you and your Dad soon,
 

Oxendon01

New member
Nov 25, 2019
3
0
I’m after some advice from TP friends,on who can ask for a best interest meeting and who would need to be there. A bit of background history.Dad has been in a care home since January and his Lewy body dementia has taken a nose dive since he had shingles.He has started with aggression and paranoia ,which has escalated in the last couple of weeks.Hes attacking (verbally and in 2 cases he actually grabbed someone) care staff and residents.The care home have said he may be better in a smaller home but as Dad is part funded by the LA I don’t think I can just move him.As usual,this has come to a head at a weekend so I can’t do anything until Monday.I rang his Geriatrition yesterday (the care home and gp asked me to!!Why they couldn’t do it I don’t know) and she says he needs to be seen by the mental health team as they can give different drugs that can help.I really am in a quandary what to do for the best. The care home ring me when he’s at his worse and I go round as I only live 10 minutes away.Yesturday it took the manager 20 minutes to get him to his room and calm him down and then they called me to go round.The terrible thing is that dad knows when he’s had an episode and starts crying. This can happen 3 or 4 times a day.He was always such a quiet man and this ****** disease has robbed him of his personality. Sorry.I’m all over the place today, wondering where we go next hence,can I ask for a best interest meeting or will the care home do it?Thank you for reading.I can always rely on some good advice from TP friends and I thank you for sharing your experiences to help others with they’re problems. Big hugs to you all.
 

Oxendon01

New member
Nov 25, 2019
3
0
OMG... my heart goes out to you...My mother is in a very similar situation.... and it breaks my heart to ready about your Father... we are part funded by LA for my mother... the care home says if she stays in her home now the will charge us £16.00 an hour for the 24/7 care, we do not have that sort of money... it scares me !!!
My prayers for your Father and for you xxxxx
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
Thank you everybody. Omg Oxendon01 !Some of the carers mentioned this 24/7 care but they weren’t sure who paid for it or how much.That is such a lot of money on top of what he’s already paying.I can’t think that LA will fund that amount and as Shedrech says we shouldn’t have to fund it. We are torn between doing the best for your PWD and who has to pay for what. I will just have to wait and see what happens. The more dad progresses through his dementia , the more he likes music. Some of his problems,delusions etc are to do with the TV ( I’m not there anymore to vet what he sees)so I thought a radio station may be better but it didn’t work to keep him calm. When he is at his worse nothing will work so I’m at a loss what else to try. Best wishes to you all and I am thinking of you all going through this ****** disease.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
0
This is not much help to you but may help others, I have virtually ditched the TV programmes for YouTube.
There are non threatening travel programmes and ones of interest. Towards evening I put on relaxing music, many of these have beautiful pictures of nature and scenery. Some of the meditation claim to induce the right brainwaves for sleep.
This morning I put on some seat Tao chi. He enjoy the repetitive rhythm and made up a few moves of his own.
We did used to do Tao Chi.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
167
0
I went to the care home this afternoon wondering which dad I was going to see today. I got the tearful, frightened ,apologetic and quite calm dad.I think the anti psychotics must have kicked in. We had lots of hugs and I stayed for tea and cakes.I left him watching half a sixpence on BBC 2 and he was cuddling a toy dog. So different to Fridays visit. Apparently dad hasn’t got a sw so one is going to be appointed for him and they are going to do another needs assessment so at least the ball is rolling. Next to get the mental health team involved. Small steps but all in all a good day.