DNR
- Thread starter JMVcarer
- Start date
JMVcarer; Do you have LPOA? Are there any other close family members you could discuss this with? If she is now unable to make this decision herself, you are probably better placed to know her wishes than a "stranger".
I was lucky in that my Mum's GP asked her quite early on when completing her care plan.
I was lucky in that my Mum's GP asked her quite early on when completing her care plan.
Did the care home talk you through exactly what this meant, and why it was being suggested?
My mother is in a care home, and a few months after she arrived there the manager asked me about a DNR. My mother is 84, she is very frail and has quite advanced dementia. I don't have H&W LPA (just finance) so she was asking me as next of kin. We discussed it thoroughly and she explained what it meant (and did not mean) and I agreed it was the right decision. The GP then signed it off.
My mother is in a care home, and a few months after she arrived there the manager asked me about a DNR. My mother is 84, she is very frail and has quite advanced dementia. I don't have H&W LPA (just finance) so she was asking me as next of kin. We discussed it thoroughly and she explained what it meant (and did not mean) and I agreed it was the right decision. The GP then signed it off.
Hi @JMVcarer
It must have come as a shock to suddenly be asked that question but a DNR doesn’t mean that your mum will be left to die - it means that if her heart stops she will not be bought back.
I am first aid trained and the methods necessary for resuscitation are, by necessity, quite brutal. Even quite young people can suffer painful bruises and even broken ribs or sternum. I certainly wouldn’t want to use these techniques on a frail 90 year old.
My dad had a DNR. He requested it himself shortly after he was diagnosed with dementia when he found out he also had heart problems. He would have been about 85 at the time. His GP then phoned me and asked if I thought he had capacity to make such a decision - I said I did.
When my dad died, suddenly and unexpectedly last year at the age of 90 I was glad he had a DNR and was allowed to pass peacefully. He’d had enough and, although I was very upset at the time, I’m sure it was the best thing for him.
Sometimes we just have to know when to let go.
It must have come as a shock to suddenly be asked that question but a DNR doesn’t mean that your mum will be left to die - it means that if her heart stops she will not be bought back.
I am first aid trained and the methods necessary for resuscitation are, by necessity, quite brutal. Even quite young people can suffer painful bruises and even broken ribs or sternum. I certainly wouldn’t want to use these techniques on a frail 90 year old.
My dad had a DNR. He requested it himself shortly after he was diagnosed with dementia when he found out he also had heart problems. He would have been about 85 at the time. His GP then phoned me and asked if I thought he had capacity to make such a decision - I said I did.
When my dad died, suddenly and unexpectedly last year at the age of 90 I was glad he had a DNR and was allowed to pass peacefully. He’d had enough and, although I was very upset at the time, I’m sure it was the best thing for him.
Sometimes we just have to know when to let go.
Fortunately both my parents loved talking about their upcoming deaths and did it for years...even though this seemed weird when my kids were young. So they were very clear about their desire for DNR forms. Years later (15 plus) I am very relieved as they’re now very frail and the thought of either being jumped on and aggressively resuscitated is horrific. Thing to realise is...even if you have the forms, completed when the individuals had capacity, the paperwork has to be on the right coloured piece of paper for the correct county! Wiltshire had red and white forms and hereabouts we have had to complete purple ones! I think the doctors are well trained in extracting answers to confirm the person’s thoughts even when speech is difficult & capacity debatable at best, that helps! I feel for the paramedics as there’s so much red tape for them to cover their backs while doing a challenging job. Remember the Lion club containers for loved ones DNR forms at all times. If your PWD has a TIA or something give the medics the forms ASAP (& make sure if one goes to a day centre there’s a genuine form...not a copy there too!)
My MIL is currently in hospital and the doc there asked did I know what her DNR status was. She had DNR put in place at the time of diagnosis about 3 1/2 years ago which she did whilst at the doctors and I was there. Even yesterday in delirium she said tell them to let me go if they need to I don't wont to suffer. Luckily she is much better today but regardless she knew then and she knows now, want she wants. If you think she would understand, maybe you could ask her in simple terms what she wants. If not go with want "you" think she would want, not easy for you but like @Petunia50 says, you will know her better than a stranger. Whichever way you decide you will have made the best choice.
My mother, my brother and I all have medical Power of Attorney (Health and Welfare). We wrote to my father’s GP emphasising that he had always said that if he had dementia he wouldn’t want to live on as a burden to others “like a vegetable” (his words). We made it clear that if he had known about DNR before he lost mental capacity he would have insisted on having one. He used to have a horror of being senile and incapable
The GP readily drew up and signed the purple DNR form relying on our information
I have been advised that only with the purple form immediately at hand will paramedics not resuscitate a patient. Nothing else will do & it has to come from a doctor. In an emergency they probably wouldn’t waste time checking whether relatives have POA
That was what I was told at least
We keep the DNR form in a purple envelope near the front door of the house now, and carers are aware of it
We are a outside the UK so we do not have POA but our DNR is registered with all concerned.
I should point out we are outside of the UK and therefore our regulations may not apply in the UK but we also have the form from the doctor which has been registered where required. POA does not apply here under our local laws.
I have had one done for dad and we have it in his home. Dad is nearly 90 very frail and has cancer. I think it would be an awful thing for dad to have to go through and would cause him a lot of pain and damage if he survived. Resuscitation rarely works and on an elderly person would probably result in brain damage and broken bones. It is quite a brutal procedure and nothing like you would see on TV
Dad would agree if he understood but he doesn't so I made the decision. He can have any other treatment needed but not resuscitation as there would be no point.
