Care home v 24 hour care at home

[TNJJ]

Thanks for your comments. I don't have to live in with my mother as she has her carer, but I have to oversee her care and her health needs and maintain her home and garden and its taking up a lot of my energy. It is possible that like your mum, my mum would not realise where she it.

I don’t live with my dad as there is no room.Plus I’m selfish I’m not willing to give up what is left of my life.
I’m similar to you in the fact I have to keep doctor and carers updated.Shopping etc all to organise plus the bills.Plus organise dads social life..

 

[DoingthebestIcan]

My mother is in late stage dementia. She does not recognise her own home as such. She is doubly incontinent now, needs to be watched round the clock as she is awake most of the night and up. She is very unsteady on her feet. other than this her health is good. Her carer is exhausted and we are looking to employ a carer for the nights so that the day carer can rest. I spend a lot of time administering my mother’s house and garden and seeing to her health needs and checking how the carer is as I am the nearest of three daughters. It is a source on constant worry and concern. I would like some help with the question ‘what would be in the best interests of this person’. My mother has always said she does not want to go into a care home, but I wonder if her needs would be better served in a residential situation. Any thoughts about how to make this decision would be much appreciated.

Hi, new here but definitely not ( unfortunately) new to world caring etc. We’ve had 24 hours care every day at home for over +++ years so fairly clued up on what its like ! If you went down route think about care agency capacity to provide suitable people consistently, who will deal with cleaning, shopping, money, mail, household repairs, emergency dr’s Or hospital admissions/appointments etc etc. Its not as ‘simple ‘ as it seems and can be extremely hard, tiring and upsetting too. It can be also fantastic but I wouldn’t personally recommend it to anybody anymore. Life happens....and so when it is smooth everything seems like its the best thing to have decided on ( about 99 million things more than dementia unfortunately and I say that without any level competition or anything else..just is an extremely complex situation) but now we are almost done and nothing would have made me help make decisions it was the best option if I had seen what life would be like after all these years. Sorry its a painful lonely awful experience and I am concerned when I hear people consider it as it’s tough enough having what you have to face without the stress of what seems amazing but definitely isn’t! If you really want pursuing something about 24 hour care happily enough to PM chat with you and answer questions from our experience and its vast +++ years of almost 200 hours per week ( includes double ups for some parts of care ) and its not all smiley and fun ! Take care and hope situation can be resolved soon for the best outcome possible.

 

[Sirena]

I agree with @DoingthebestIcan in that I think care at home has its place but also its limits. My mother had care at home for 18 months - starting with 4 hours a day and rising to 6. She said she wanted to stay at home but she needed 24 hour supervision and paying for that would have been very expensive and her money would have run out quickly, plus there were logistical issues. So I moved my mother to a care home, she's been there nearly two years now and she's happy there.

 

[Flavelle]

Hiya, I think I’m about to contradict the majority of opinions expressed. I am well in favour of care at home, even though my Dad doesn’t recognise the place as we only moved here in autumn of 2017 & he needs to be told when to use the loo, where it is...where his room is etc. (& sometimes who we are!) It’s home to both Mum & Dad (Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, osteoarthritis and some lung condition and on the other hand cancer, vascular dementia and mixed type) and myself and one of my grown up offspring. So our teamwork keeps care costs down...it is very full time & yes, her care costs are still enormous as she needs double handed lifting so she pays carers in the am for an hour and at night to put her to bed. We do the rest, night time care is sometimes exhausting but I am able to catch up on sleep in the day. We are going for more night time support at weekends and seeing how that goes maybe fortnightly..my son is a young man and has a life...so getting away at times will be an option. Three years ago I looked at a variety of care home options and all I found wanted them split up as their needs were so different. I am glad we have done what we have done if only for them to have a couple more years together. It’s scary to think about the financial implications of the whole thing as there are 2 of us who have mislaid our careers at present. Besides, I know a move to a care home will probably be on the cards in the future but so far I don’t regret this. On occasion they have needed hospital care (so scary for a PWD) and then some recuperation time. This has given us the odd bit of respite and we have been helped by reablement teams to settle them back home. Therefore I have had the opportunity to compare how they reacted when looked after24/7 in a care home and how they are here. Food for thought!