Bereavement Counselling

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,746
0
Essex
Hello Everyone.

Just letting you all know that I am going to be getting in touch with a bereavement counsellor after going to the doctor's and saying that I am waking up in the night and not able to get back to sleep due to anxiety. I have quite a few things going through my head which brings on a hot flush and I can't get back to sleep. I had this problem before dad's diagnosis so it would be good to talk about things. That said I find Talking Point better than Facebook because you're all so brilliant!

MaNaAk
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Morning @MaNaAk, it's a very good idea - it certainly helped me (and I was quite sceptical). All the best.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,746
0
Essex
Thankyou Pete.

I've just heard 'Cry Me A River' which brought back the memories because dad used to tell me that he used to ask mum to dance everytime everytime the ballroom dance organisers used to play it.

MaNaAk
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
I have considered trying counselling again. I had two sessions privately whilst mum was still alive (I looked after her at home) and really it just helped to pour things out. The second session didn't help further, so I stopped. The problem now is that I don't think any counsellor can help, unless they have trodden our path. You really need to have been close to dementia to understand the effects it leaves on family, carers, etc. like a huge tsunami with never ending waves and ripples on the water. I am due to go to a CRUSE meeting on Saturday. I have waited 3 months for this event(!), and actually over that time I have 'healed myself' somewhat and so doubt they can help me, but I will go anyway, just to see what it's all about. Probably in time there may be more counsellors out there who have gone through our experiences and who may be able to help us somehow, but until I find that kind of person, I think it's better to save my money and sort myself out.

On a positive front, I have by some miracle found a part time job which I should be starting in a few weeks. I think just getting out a few days a week and chatting to people, as you do at work, will further help my healing (it's a year and two months since mum died). The charity I'm going to work for is directly linked to my mum's experiences, so that's good too.

I also highly recommend walking. After mum had died, I launched back into going out for long Sunday walks with my walking group (see Ramblers website to find walks in your location). Initially I found myself not wanting to chat too much, but just being out with a sociable group, walking, and taking in the countryside, did me so much good. Now I'm a regular and leading walks now and again! Country walks are excellent therapy.

I hope the counselling works for you @MaNaAk.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,746
0
Essex
Dear Marnie,

Good advice here! I finally got to speak to CRUSE today one week after contacting them. My problem was that I was waking up in the night and mulling over things such as Xmas, brothers after inheritance that includes the roof over my head and missing dad. I now feel a little better since doing what you have done and talking about it. I have also told my brothers about waking in the night and also I have started to plan Xmas. One other thing that makes me feel better is playing the Violin in the care home. I am due to do this again before Xmas and I am to enjoy this.
Well done on getting another job and keep getting better.

MaNaAk
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
I'm sorry to hear of the issues with your siblings @MaNaAk. I'm an only child so am thankfully saved from anything like that, though a good sibling or two would have been so helpful with caring for mum.

If you love your violin so much, is there more you could perhaps get involved with on that front. Join an orchestra maybe?! I'm not musical at all, but love going to a nice classical concert now and again. Is it your first Christmas without your dad? Mine was last Christmas, but I went away to spend it with friends and was also away for New Year, so had some good distractions at that 'difficult' time. This year I plan to go up to Mum and Dad's grave on Christmas Day (it's about an hour's drive away), spend a bit of time with them, if it's not too cold!, and then I have three invitations for lunch in the area, so have a choice of going on somewhere for a bit of food and company, or just coming home and tucking up in front of the TV. There will be lots of walks on over Christmas, so will not have to stay in the house much.

I did go to the CRUSE meeting on Saturday. It was a 'welcome' session for newbies and there were four CRUSE reps there, all very pleasant and kind. Lots of tea and biscuits! They said they offer one to one bereavement counselling sessions, but there is a waiting list of several months for this. I have signed up for some smaller group sessions which last a few weeks and don't start until the Spring. I may not need them by then, but we'll see.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,746
0
Essex
Dear Marnie,

Thankyou for your kind reply. Yes! This is my first Xmas without dad who passed away three days before Father's Day on the 12th June this year. I seem to feel better lately partly because I have more or less organised something for Xmas. I have a couple of friends staying and my youngest brother is going to be seeing me over Xmas although I haven't heard from my other brother. CRUSE told me about a local bereavement group which I am considering phoning but best of all I have a lot of friends and good neighbours. Yes! I play with a local orchestra and recently I went to quite a few concerts. I have also found playing the Violin at dad's old care home very therapeutic eventhough it is sad because I can't talk about dad and meet his old friends. Yes! I will have to deal with the issues concerning the house but I know I will get through some how.

Thinking of you as well

MaNaAk