Am I being selfish?

[Palerider]

I've read the article posted by @Champers a few times and it has been hugely helpful in making the final decisions in whether mum remains at home and how to best move forward from my point of view

I think in the end as the article concludes we can't rescue our loved ones from dementia, but we can drown trying

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I've read the article posted by @Champers a few times and it has been hugely helpful in making the final decisions in whether mum remains at home and how to best move forward from my point of view

I think in the end as the article concludes we can't rescue our loved ones from dementia, but we can drown trying

 

[Mydarlingdaughter]

Unlike a small toddler PWD is an adult, can be heavy, strong, large, and does not regard us adult children as parents whose rules must be obeyed. Parents tend to expect their adult children to continue to follow parents rules. IMO this can be one of the reasons its so hard for adult children to provide care for their PWD parents. Parent insists that they are eating a balanced diet when in fact they are consuming bout 200 calories a day and dangerously underwieght. But parent knows best and cannot be crossed. Gives the message "its my way or the highway".

 

[CardiffGirlInEssex]

Unlike a small toddler PWD is an adult, can be heavy, strong, large, and does not regard us adult children as parents whose rules must be obeyed. Parents tend to expect their adult children to continue to follow parents rules. IMO this can be one of the reasons its so hard for adult children to provide care for their PWD parents. Parent insists that they are eating a balanced diet when in fact they are consuming bout 200 calories a day and dangerously underwieght. But parent knows best and cannot be crossed. Gives the message "its my way or the highway".

This is so true and is undoubtedly why my mum kicked off so badly last week on returning home after 8 weeks in hospital.

 

[Lyd]

I dont really know what I want from this post. I'm at a bit of a loss at what I expect of myself and what I think others expect me to do[/QUOTE]

He mentioned it to someone else but not to me. I have just found that whenever friends ask how he and I are doing it always ends in " so is he going to live with you?"
I will read some other threads as you suggested.
I'd hate to start resenting him as I dont think I'm willing to have it take over my own life.
Thank you for your support

Definition of selfish. 1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. 2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others a selfish act.

So no. I dont think you are being selfish.

 

[Champers]

It’s not the victim or the carer that’s selfish - it’s the disease. It doesn’t care what effect it has on all those who it has in its grasp. It steals what it wants from a personality and sucks and stamps on the good well of those that love the sufferer. It is no respecter of gender, race, class, ability. It has no regard for dignity or comfort. It thoughtlessly strips the uniqueness of a mind.

But we can all show defiance. By holding the memory of what that person was, whenever we see them, they will continue to be there, even if it’s hidden in the shell in front of us.

 

[Karenlansbury]

No you are not being selfish, my mum is not as advanced from the sound of your situation and I’m struggling. Mum has lived with us for 3.5 years diagnosed in 2018 and I’m really struggling to work and there are 2 of us here looking after mum. She does day care 3 times a week and we have help for rest-bite from a family member… it’s very tough!

 

[SeaSwallow]

No you are not being selfish, my mum is not as advanced from the sound of your situation and I’m struggling. Mum has lived with us for 3.5 years diagnosed in 2018 and I’m really struggling to work and there are 2 of us here looking after mum. She does day care 3 times a week and we have help for rest-bite from a family member… it’s very tough!

Hello @Karenlansbury and welcome to Talking Point. This is quite an old thread so you might not receive any responses to your post.
You have done well to look after your mum in your own home for so long and continue to work at the same time. As you say, it is tough.
Unfortunately dementia is a progressive disease and it will only get harder for you and your family to look after your mum. It might be useful to start to consider what happens when you are no longer able to look after your mum at home and to look at local care homes that might meet her future needs.