Today has been very up and down. Mum has flicked through leaflets in folder from memory clinic a few times today. Each time asked when she got it and if I'd read it and said she couldn't remember going to memory centre.
She's been talking bout how she doesnt feel like she is that bad and feels like it's only been recently and asking if its different to that and how. I told her itsvbeen comin on for long while. She did know it started before but I think it was easier for her ignore it then and blame other things but she knew cos she told me not tell them at drs when went for health check early last year and wouldn't gobto drs for uti for couple of months until Christmas eve in case they spotted problems with her memory. But its more often and worse now so its harder to ignore and pretend not happening.
She was quite upset about it this morning but we ended conversation ok with talk of trying to accept help.
Rest of morning went ok, mum did some ironing and let me clean bathroom without any fuss, which is very rare and we had a few laughs but then during lunch she said she was bored and as usual wanted me to fix it. In end we decided to walk to local aldi which is only ten minutes walk away. Mum wanted to go shops further away but she cant manage it that far now so I held firm at just going aldi and I'm glad I did as she got confused a few times in shop and by time we came out which was only about twenty minutes later she looked quite vacant and tired. We'd bumped into two neighbours on the way and I don't know if that wore her out more or just the shop.
As we crossed road from car park mum was wobbly and walkin funny and nearly fell off causey edge into road so I held her arm to steady her and stop her goin over sideways. I asked if she was ok and she said yeah, but she was still wobbly so I held her arm across main road but she pulled it away when we got across. I asked her if she wanted a minute before carried on home but she said no she didnt like being fussed. We made it home to mums but she was still walking funny and said its her toenails.
They are extremely long as she hasn't cut them for months. They are really hard and curled round as she has ingrown nails and she has been saying they hurt lately. I remind her every morning to cut them but she says will do them tonight, i remind her at night says too late dark tired and will do them in morning. So i told her while we were out today she needs to cut them and I'm not going out with her again till she does cos she cant walk properly and I'm worried she'll hurt herself.
After we'd been back a while she had another look at folder from memory clinic and we had similar discussion to this morning about how long and how bad etc. We Talked about actually needing to do something rather than just talking about it and leaving it and hoping memory will get better or someone will come along and sort it for her and make things better.
She's also been confused again about who I am, how long I've been here, whether I see hubby and few other things so it was quite an upsetting afternoon.
Once We'd calmed down again she agreed to try cutting her nails but when tried she couldn't see them properly in late afternoon so has had tonleave them till tomorrow.
We were ok for a few hours, mum and i watched tv and chatted and I even did a bit of knitting without her moaning at me ignoring her and hubby came for tea so we all chatted then too. After he left mum nodded on n off and then not long after 9 said was going to bed. She wasnt too long getting in bed doing her checks and I decided I'd make my bed up and look online for a bit.
She got up while I was making my bed up and asked where my sister was then asked if we had an Andrea I said thats me. She said oh yes you're lovely. I love you Andrea so i told her loved her too, hugged her and she went off to bed She came back again 10 mins later asked where sis was again and said she thought she had been staying here, then when I told was just me she said I was a good girl and went back to bed again.
Bout twenty minutes after that I could hear her rustling and moving round for a few minutes so I went to look if ok. She was sat on bed with her purse and handbag. Said she was wondering where her purse was and hadn't been asleep yet. She got up to put her bag back and gave me a hug, she seemed a bit teary. I told her i loved her and tried jolly her, joking about going sleep on sofa and then waking up when get bed and she seemed cheer up and went for a wee, then said night and went back to bed and I went back to mine.
But a minute later I heard her crying so went in to her, sat with her and gave her a hug. She said she was scared and doesn't know who she is. I said she's my mum and she said she int one cos she dunt do owt, she useless. I told I don't need her to do owt just love me which she does, she told me she does loves me and I'm a lovely girl but shes scared cos she forgets things and she didn't want hubby to think she's stupid cos she forgets everything. I said hubby didn't think that and its not her fault she forgets things. She said hubby is lovely and that she hadn't seen him for ages. I didnt bother to correct her just hugged her ad tried to reassure her we loved her until she said she'd try going to sleep.She got in bed but was still sniffling a bit for few minutes.
I feel so useless when she's upset and scared. I think maybe all the talk about memory and getting help and her needing to do something to help her live with it rather than hoping will just get better or someone would come along and fix things may have made her worse tonight.