Hello everyone. I am new here. My MIL went into a care home about 6 months ago and is now much more confused about things. For example, lately she has been talking about checking on her house, but the house she refers to is one she left many decades ago. My question is what do we say when she talks about things like this? Do we remind her that she moved and lives elsewhere or would that just upset her and add to her confusion. Is it best just to smile and nod and say yes but not now, knowing that she will forget we even visited. I love her and just want her to be happy. As I write this I think that it’s probably best not to say anything.
What do we say?
- Thread starter Evol
- Start date
Hi @Evol and welcome to the forum.
I wasn’t in quite the same position as you as my mum lived at home with us. She did, however, constantly ask about her house/home and wanted to go back to it. It was the home of her youth not the home she left to come to live with us. I never did get it right but I’m inclined to agree with you that it’s best not to say anything and try distraction. Not easy, I know.
I wondered if this link would be of any help -
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
I wasn’t in quite the same position as you as my mum lived at home with us. She did, however, constantly ask about her house/home and wanted to go back to it. It was the home of her youth not the home she left to come to live with us. I never did get it right but I’m inclined to agree with you that it’s best not to say anything and try distraction. Not easy, I know.
I wondered if this link would be of any help -
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
I have seen a lot of these kind of conversations with very experienced care home staff.
They tend to say that either they or *insert name of relative* will deal with it and in the mean time, how about a cup of tea, or other small distraction. If they are imminently trying to leave, the weather is awful, buses cancelled etc
I have heard conversations along the lines of "this is your home now" but even with very settled residents, it isn't likely to be the home they are referring to, often their childhood home.
When Mummy talks of "going home" (always her childhood home with her now dead parents) I listen, suggest they won't be visiting today and gently change the subject. The truth isn't often very helpful, sadly. Reassurance - hand holding hugs etc can also be good as I have heard that the wish to "go home" can be interpreted as a wish to return to a time before dementia. Very sad.
They tend to say that either they or *insert name of relative* will deal with it and in the mean time, how about a cup of tea, or other small distraction. If they are imminently trying to leave, the weather is awful, buses cancelled etc
I have heard conversations along the lines of "this is your home now" but even with very settled residents, it isn't likely to be the home they are referring to, often their childhood home.
When Mummy talks of "going home" (always her childhood home with her now dead parents) I listen, suggest they won't be visiting today and gently change the subject. The truth isn't often very helpful, sadly. Reassurance - hand holding hugs etc can also be good as I have heard that the wish to "go home" can be interpreted as a wish to return to a time before dementia. Very sad.
