Still trying to stimulate and involve him in life.

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
972
0
Pratteln Switzerland
I got up facing the possibility of a lonely isolated day. After doing my usual routine , writing, prayer and meditation. Then I decided, I must find something to entertain us on a cold wintry wet day. Walking my Nicky's favorite passtime was out of the question for me. So, I dressed him up in Sunday best and headed into town. He looks so nice cleaned up in his good clothes. We walked to the train station and took a train into the city (only about a 6 minutes trip) We headed to the Kunstmuseum for an exhibition on the 1000 years of Munster (the cathedral) very interesting, beautiful old books and ornaments and alters from the old Munster when it was a Catholic church before the reformation. There was more of the exhibition at the Historical Museum, but we did not get there. One museum was enough for Nick.
Bless him, it was as usual, very difficult for him when he is in a busy environment. When there are other people in the room he follows them. He cannot find my face. I really need to get one of those little bracelet things so he is attached to me. I do find I get irritated that he cannot even find me when we are standing side by side, and his anxiety is palatable. I reassure him and take his hand....again and move on. It is also sad as he has absolutely no interest in trying to understand where we are and what we are seeing. But I bring him along.....trying to keep him in someway a part of my life.

We dropped in to see our youngest son who works at Starbucks.

Then we wanted to go to the Walliser Kanne Restaurant for fondue as it was very cold and trying to snow. But it was closed so we went to the Braunen Mutz, in the center of town. It is cozy old style Swiss restaurant, and warm and lovely on a cold day. Nick enjoyed a hot Glüh Wii (spiced wine) With my help, Nick enjoyed the local fish and salted potatoes with a tartar and I had a lovely onion soup with crusty bread in it and bubbly cheese on top. It is a good restaurant for us , not posh, lots of old timers reading their newspapers and enjoying being together without even knowing each other. .

Then we took a tram home from the city, as it takes more time. And we enjoy passing thru the little villages slowly.

Passing our days ......which can be lonely. I cannot expect to see my children all the time. Or for that matter even my friends. They have their own lives....and I just do my best to keep going and part of the stream of life. I am grateful that I can still get Nicky to go with me....I keep trying. I get up each day, determined to live and love, I give him a loving hug even when I do not feel like it and a kiss. I write this down daily, I remind myself to start the day with a hug and kiss. He desires love...and he is still a lovely man.

Selfishly, I will not be taking him to Thanksgiving with our old friends, I find the attention required to be with him in such an environment, means I get no pleasure.
This year he will miss that tradition for the first time. But Christmas will be at our house with just our immediate family, that will be ok for him because he will be able to escape into the den or the bedroom if he feels overwhelmed. We do what we can.



 

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Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
Heartbreaking and yes indeed we do what we can and you do it in spades, such a huge effort to try and keep something of your life together alive. The human spirit at its best.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
What a touching post and lovely photo of your handsome husband. Trying to maintain normality is the right thing to do but oh so wearing. Especially when you can’t turn to the person with you and share your thoughts.

When eventually things go pear shaped you will know you’ve done your best and really that’s all we can do. No regrets, no recriminations just sadness for what could have been.

Best regards.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
972
0
Pratteln Switzerland
This site has helped me since 2011...to answer my questions and support me in times that were not easy. My attitude changed and the acceptance I have today has developed over this long journey. His condition has deteriorated over time which in some ways at at some times has made my life easier. Getting and paying for lots of help has helped me to survive and keep going.
Wishing you a good day and week.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,994
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72
Dundee
I too did my best to maintain a ‘normality’ as long as I possibly could. Now I no longer have my husband I’m glad I have these memories.

Your day sounds good and that’s a lovely photo of your husband.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,906
0
What a lovely photo, your husband looks happy and healthy, which belies the cruelty of dementia.
There is just one word to describe why we care and protect our PWD and that word is love.
None of us are leading the life we would have chosen, dementia has robbed us of that, but at the end we can carry on in peace and with no regrets, knowing we have done our best.
 

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
208
0
What a lovely post @PalSal. How nice to be able to get out and enjoy a day in the 'normal' world. these day help us cope with our lot I am sure. My PwD doesn't like to go out unless he wants something for himself. He refuses a lot of the time. But I am lucky that he can still be left home alone, and I do otherwise my world would disappear, would shrink to just his space and his needs. Even though you say Nick has no interest in your surrounding I am sure he understands the 'feelgood factor' and may not interact but iI am sure he knows, deep down somewhere, that you are doing your best to give him a good life. He looks so relaxed in your photo, thanks for sharing. He looks good in his 'sunday best'.
I am sure they know, deep down, that we are there and that we care. We are their 'safe', their 'comfort'. It is hard to keep it up sometimes. Especially for those that are frustrated and lash out. It is wearing and exhausting at times. But I convince myself they know.....deep down somewhere they know we are their 'safe'.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
@silver'lantern my daughter described it as, I was my husbands “constant” in a world he couldn’t negotiate without me. At the end he could only remember two things and one of those was my name so I think her description was about right.
 

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
208
0
@silver'lantern my daughter described it as, I was my husbands “constant” in a world he couldn’t negotiate without me. At the end he could only remember two things and one of those was my name so I think her description was about right.
Yes @marionq I agree.
We had been divorced 15+ years when he started calling round. Cut a long story short ...I noticed he had problems and he ended up moving in to my spare room as he could no longer run a house and care for himself. Friends tell me 'he knew when to come home'
They may be right. He trusts me and I am his 'safe/constant'