This is my first post here - my lovely grandad (who has always been more like a dad to me my whole life) is close to the end. He has had dementia now for 8 years. In that time I have helped to care for him at home and carried the guilt of being the one to say he is not well enough to come home after a hospital visit with pneumonia (though I still believe he had another mini stroke). He has been subjected to abuse in a care home, sectioned to a hospital 78 miles away fom us and then eventually 3 year ago came to live at a wonderful care home within our city. I was told 4 weeks ago he would be expected to pass away within 2 weeks. Then he perked up. Now we get the call that he has now not able to tolerate food and we have to decide to now feed him or to carry on and risk infection. Over the last two years I feel like my heart has been through it all. I am worn. I want this torture and pain to be over and I want my grandad back. I feel like I function purely as a mum for my 2 year old daughter (and I don't feel I'm being a great one at that) and to try and hold my nan together. People keep telling me to prepare for the end but how can I? I just want to get off the rollacoaster of emotions. I don't want to lose him but he is already gone, he is at a point he never wanted to get to and I just want him to go peacefully where he can rest and not be in pain.