I look out for my mum on her Dementia journey. She now talks about deep into the past a lot, it being safe memory ground for her. I have gradually made notes on events I was unaware of or to young to participate in. This allows me to help my mum out when sometimes she gets a little muddled or forgetful. A few words spoken and suddenly a “hidden” part of a memory steams fully into view again.
Doing this increasingly with my mum has had two impacts on me which I wonder have others also experienced?
1) Long deceased relatives suddenly come into sharper focus. Previously I only had child memories of old aunts and uncles. Now through my mum I have started to more fully understand past family dynamics. Who was the powerhouse, who did people turn to for advice, who use to like the “sauce” just a little to much. Not really penetrating in sights but my own memories I realise support what my mum is saying. Not now looked at through the maturity of a child but as an adult. These people are long dead so they had left my thoughts. Revisiting the past with my mum they have come a live again, if you know what I am trying to say. I regretted the passing of one aunt as I was just reaching adulthood. Learning more about her now I realise that loss was even more sad than I knew at the time. My grandad being involved with the 1926 General Strike, being a Fire Warden in the Second World War, in his forties, whilst also doing war work. Me and mum get old pictures out and I am meant to be helping her retain memories, but in doing so much is becoming better known by me. Strangely I feel a sense of loss, knowing more about these individuals now. Not touchy feely older relatives to a young child now, but real developed people. They died before I fully reached adulthood and could try and develop really meaningful relationships with them.
2) My mum talking about books she read as a little girl, the start of Saturday morning matinees, her first boyfriend, etc, has stirred up past memories for me from my youth. What did happen to that first girlfriend, the love of my life then, now hard to picture in my mind. I recently rewatched an old western, “Once Upon A Time In The West”, made in 1968, starring Charles Bronson and Henry Fonda, etc. The first film which really stuck in my mind. I had forgotten the film music but now cannot get it out of my mind. Try it on YouTube and I will be surprised f the female voice does not have some type of impact on you. How did I ever forget it, then the memory reach out over the years and rejoin me. I guess I am experiencing first hand the power of music for a PWD by reaching back 50 odd years into my own past. Regrettably for my mum it is Jim Reeves, a singer I have come “to know but not to love” in recent years. Okay Jim baby from the top one more time just for mum..... The Three Day week in 1973/74, man landing on the moon, etc. I had not really thought about them for years, but when I did so much tumbled out of the memory locker.
What I would be interested to know is has anyone else experienced similar things to the above. Before Dementia came into my life I tended to live in the here and now or recent past. Now the distant past has been stirred up helping my mum relive her memories, but I find it is also stirring my memory pond as well. Only when Dementia comes into your life do you fully appreciate the amazing thing the brain is and how memories are vital giving our lives a sense of shape and continuity. Does any of this resonate with you, or am I just a male losing it emotionally on the caring journey?
Doing this increasingly with my mum has had two impacts on me which I wonder have others also experienced?
1) Long deceased relatives suddenly come into sharper focus. Previously I only had child memories of old aunts and uncles. Now through my mum I have started to more fully understand past family dynamics. Who was the powerhouse, who did people turn to for advice, who use to like the “sauce” just a little to much. Not really penetrating in sights but my own memories I realise support what my mum is saying. Not now looked at through the maturity of a child but as an adult. These people are long dead so they had left my thoughts. Revisiting the past with my mum they have come a live again, if you know what I am trying to say. I regretted the passing of one aunt as I was just reaching adulthood. Learning more about her now I realise that loss was even more sad than I knew at the time. My grandad being involved with the 1926 General Strike, being a Fire Warden in the Second World War, in his forties, whilst also doing war work. Me and mum get old pictures out and I am meant to be helping her retain memories, but in doing so much is becoming better known by me. Strangely I feel a sense of loss, knowing more about these individuals now. Not touchy feely older relatives to a young child now, but real developed people. They died before I fully reached adulthood and could try and develop really meaningful relationships with them.
2) My mum talking about books she read as a little girl, the start of Saturday morning matinees, her first boyfriend, etc, has stirred up past memories for me from my youth. What did happen to that first girlfriend, the love of my life then, now hard to picture in my mind. I recently rewatched an old western, “Once Upon A Time In The West”, made in 1968, starring Charles Bronson and Henry Fonda, etc. The first film which really stuck in my mind. I had forgotten the film music but now cannot get it out of my mind. Try it on YouTube and I will be surprised f the female voice does not have some type of impact on you. How did I ever forget it, then the memory reach out over the years and rejoin me. I guess I am experiencing first hand the power of music for a PWD by reaching back 50 odd years into my own past. Regrettably for my mum it is Jim Reeves, a singer I have come “to know but not to love” in recent years. Okay Jim baby from the top one more time just for mum..... The Three Day week in 1973/74, man landing on the moon, etc. I had not really thought about them for years, but when I did so much tumbled out of the memory locker.
What I would be interested to know is has anyone else experienced similar things to the above. Before Dementia came into my life I tended to live in the here and now or recent past. Now the distant past has been stirred up helping my mum relive her memories, but I find it is also stirring my memory pond as well. Only when Dementia comes into your life do you fully appreciate the amazing thing the brain is and how memories are vital giving our lives a sense of shape and continuity. Does any of this resonate with you, or am I just a male losing it emotionally on the caring journey?
