hi all, I’ve come searching for support and understanding. My mum was diagnosed last week yet we have know for a few years now that she has had dementia. My dad died suddenly in May this year and since then my brothers and I have realised just how bad mum is and how much my poor dad had had to deal with. From reading some posts it feels like the death of one parent often exposes the extent of the dementia of the surviving parent.
My mum has diabetes for 20 years and collapsed on her 70th birthday. She began dialysis not long after and then suffered a stroke almost a year later. Since then she has rapidly gone downhill both physically and mentally. Her mobility is now st the stage where she can only transfer from her bed to the wheelchair to the toilet.
5 weeks ago the doctors tried to create a new fistula as her old one is thought to not have much life left in it but thrrr were complications and they had to go back in 2 days later. There are now no more options on the fistula front and we are relying on the old one for dialysis. Her mobility declined even more after this last trip to hospital. There have been many many hospital stays over the past few years.
My mum and I have always clashed, she was always headstrong, self centred and spoilt by my dad! She is used to getting her own way that’s for sure. Anyway I promised my dad I would take care of her and would try not to fall out with her and up until now o have done my best to keep that promise. But it’s getting harder.
First my brother organised a carer to come in to cook her tea. She told them not to come back. After she got out of hospital, with the docs help she agreed to round the clock care so this time I sorted it out and we have 4 women doing round the clock care for the last 3 weeks. First night she was home she didn’t like the hospital bed and tried the next day to take herself back upstairs resulting in a fall. I had to call an ambulance to help get her up off the floor. They helped get her back downstairs and disabled the chair lift. Wish I’d thought of that! Yesterday we organised for her to go out for lunch with her friend but they arrived back 20 minutes before the carer arrived and when I came to check they’d got back ok I found my mum naked on the floor as she had fallen trying to get undressed. Today I went to collect her from dialysis but she had taken a taxi home forgetting I was coming and by the time I got to her house she had fallen trying to get up from the wheelchair and had had an accident too. Now she says she doesn’t like the afternoon carer and is going to send her home tomorrow. I tried to explain that she can’t be on her own and reminded her of her fall today and yesterday but she doesn’t care just kept repeating she’s not having that idiot back in her house because she can’t even make a hot water bottle.
I am totally lost. How can I help her if she fights me at every turn. I’ve said that maybe it’s time we thought about a care home but she doesn’t like that idea at all! I don’t blame her really but it can’t go on like this. I’m so worried and stressed all the time. I never know what each day will bring. I can feel my frustration being taken out on my children. I’m really struggling with dealing with my own life because all my energy is being spent dealing with mum.
As it stands tomorrow she’s going to be on her own for 6 hours but I’m also worried that even when there’s a carer in, if she falls it takes 2 people to get her up. Is she safe at home? Should she be in a care home? I honestly don’t know what to do to help her stay safe. Any advice would be welcome.
My mum has diabetes for 20 years and collapsed on her 70th birthday. She began dialysis not long after and then suffered a stroke almost a year later. Since then she has rapidly gone downhill both physically and mentally. Her mobility is now st the stage where she can only transfer from her bed to the wheelchair to the toilet.
5 weeks ago the doctors tried to create a new fistula as her old one is thought to not have much life left in it but thrrr were complications and they had to go back in 2 days later. There are now no more options on the fistula front and we are relying on the old one for dialysis. Her mobility declined even more after this last trip to hospital. There have been many many hospital stays over the past few years.
My mum and I have always clashed, she was always headstrong, self centred and spoilt by my dad! She is used to getting her own way that’s for sure. Anyway I promised my dad I would take care of her and would try not to fall out with her and up until now o have done my best to keep that promise. But it’s getting harder.
First my brother organised a carer to come in to cook her tea. She told them not to come back. After she got out of hospital, with the docs help she agreed to round the clock care so this time I sorted it out and we have 4 women doing round the clock care for the last 3 weeks. First night she was home she didn’t like the hospital bed and tried the next day to take herself back upstairs resulting in a fall. I had to call an ambulance to help get her up off the floor. They helped get her back downstairs and disabled the chair lift. Wish I’d thought of that! Yesterday we organised for her to go out for lunch with her friend but they arrived back 20 minutes before the carer arrived and when I came to check they’d got back ok I found my mum naked on the floor as she had fallen trying to get undressed. Today I went to collect her from dialysis but she had taken a taxi home forgetting I was coming and by the time I got to her house she had fallen trying to get up from the wheelchair and had had an accident too. Now she says she doesn’t like the afternoon carer and is going to send her home tomorrow. I tried to explain that she can’t be on her own and reminded her of her fall today and yesterday but she doesn’t care just kept repeating she’s not having that idiot back in her house because she can’t even make a hot water bottle.
I am totally lost. How can I help her if she fights me at every turn. I’ve said that maybe it’s time we thought about a care home but she doesn’t like that idea at all! I don’t blame her really but it can’t go on like this. I’m so worried and stressed all the time. I never know what each day will bring. I can feel my frustration being taken out on my children. I’m really struggling with dealing with my own life because all my energy is being spent dealing with mum.
As it stands tomorrow she’s going to be on her own for 6 hours but I’m also worried that even when there’s a carer in, if she falls it takes 2 people to get her up. Is she safe at home? Should she be in a care home? I honestly don’t know what to do to help her stay safe. Any advice would be welcome.
