Grandmother very evasive and secretive about Doctors Appointments

[Meezrob]

Hi all,

My grandmother has exhibited mild signs of cognitive decline for a while now. it has now gotten to the point where she has gotten aggressive with family members, appears to be sundowning, and various other escalations.

We are desperately trying to get her to a doctor. we have contacted the doctor with concerns ahead of time, so they are aware and share our concerns. However, she is absolutely adamant she does not want anyone coming into the room with her or knowing her business (she has never been like this before, always open about her health!)

this means even if she was told to go to a memory clinic we wouldnt know!!! We are at our wits end. our hands are tied until she gets a diagnosis, but how can we get the diagnosis without her medical team being able to tell us what's going on?

Any advice or help appreciated.

 

[mab]

Hello @Meezrob ,
Have you considered that she may be extremely frightened?
If she's even slightly aware of what's happening to her, her mind must be in turmoil. Going to the doctor with a chest infection, or such, is a doddle when compared with the potential diagnosis of a life changing problem.
Be gentle with her, show her all the support and reassurance you can muster. After all, this could be just the first step on a long, long road for all of you.

 

[Sirena]

This is difficult. Unfortunately unless she gives the doctor permission to talk to you, the doctor won't be able to reveal anything, and if your gran refuses to tell you either, you're stuck. And even if she was willing to reveal what the doctor said, it's pretty unlikely she would remember accurately. It really needs someone with her at the appointment, or a direct line of communication with the doctor. (It's also likely she would just forget to go to the appointments - my mother did, so with her permission the memory clinic used to send a copy of the appointment letter to me.)

The only thing you can do is try to support and encourage her, and hope that she agrees to let someone help. Is there one particular member of the family she is closest to or trusts most? This link to advice about how best to communicate with people with dementia might help

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Meezrob

I suppose much will depend on whether or not your grandmother is considered to have capacity.

I don`t know how you get round this other than to stay in contact with her doctor and try to convince them how much you want to help your grandmother.

If you don`t know what`s happening it will be impossible to ensure her best interests are being met.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Yes that’s my mother, & as long as they are deemed to have capacity you are swimming against a tide.

best advice I can give is don’t ask about the DRs appointments!
Reverse psychology....

It works with Mum, I don’t ask about her health & she’s more open.

worth a try
Xx