A lifelong friend and me

[annielou]

I didn't mean that last post the way it just came out....oh dear

You have done and are doing your best and a brilliant job caring for your mum, but there is more care needed than one person, you, can give and so you have handed 'that' care over.
You've not abandoned her, I think you have done a good thing getting mum 'extra' care. You are still caring for her and have tried to get her what she needs to be safe and well because you care and love your mum. X

 

[Bikerbeth]

Glad to hear that your Mum settled in well today. I hope you have had a reasonable evening too. If I can do as well as you I would be well pleased with myself

 

[Palerider]

Just checked in with the CH, mum has gone to bed no problems tonight so thats a relief and my biggest worry, now I can go to bed too

 

[annielou]

That good news. Night x

 

[Lynmax]

I hope you had a good nights sleep, I bet you didn't though! My thoughts go whizzing through my mind when I am trying to sleep and I imagine that you were still thinking about your mum.

I only hope that when the time comes, my mum has such a good start in a care home, I know how adamant your mum was about staying at home so it must be a relief for you so far. Fingers crossed that she does not ask for her hotel bill in the morning and call a taxi to go home!

 

[Bunpoots]

I think you’ve done the best for your mum. Hopefully sharing the care will give you the chance to be a son again.

Well done @Palerider

 

[canary]

Hi @Palerider , Im sorry Ive been absent from your thread - I have been having problems with daughters reaction to OH.

Im so glad that your mum was happy when you left her at the CH. You/she will have your ups and downs, but it honestly sounds to me as though she will thrive there. It always comes as a surprise when they do not realise that they are in a care home. You will still be her carer, but you wont be on your own and others will be around to re-assure her and do the hands-on on stuff
xx

 

[Palerider]

I hope you had a good nights sleep, I bet you didn't though! My thoughts go whizzing through my mind when I am trying to sleep and I imagine that you were still thinking about your mum.

I only hope that when the time comes, my mum has such a good start in a care home, I know how adamant your mum was about staying at home so it must be a relief for you so far. Fingers crossed that she does not ask for her hotel bill in the morning and call a taxi to go home!

It was wierd this morning I forgot for a moment that she wasn't here. Hopefully she is ok and not fretting. I'll pop along later with more clothes that I finally have labelled

 

[Palerider]

Hi @Palerider , Im sorry Ive been absent from your thread - I have been having problems with daughters reaction to OH.

Im so glad that your mum was happy when you left her at the CH. You/she will have your ups and downs, but it honestly sounds to me as though she will thrive there. It always comes as a surprise when they do not realise that they are in a care home. You will still be her carer, but you wont be on your own and others will be around to re-assure her and do the hands-on on stuff
xx

Don't apologise @canary -you've got enough going on

 

[Palerider]

I think you’ve done the best for your mum. Hopefully sharing the care will give you the chance to be a son again.

Well done @Palerider

Thanks @Bunpoots I hope so

 

[Palerider]

Glad to hear that your Mum settled in well today. I hope you have had a reasonable evening too. If I can do as well as you I would be well pleased with myself

Its very hard to do, but I think mum had reached the stage that she didn't know really where home is anymore and that helped. I think if she still had awareness it would have been a different scenario.

 

[Palerider]

Glad that you managed to get through that part relatively well. Good to hear mum was happy. Have you got anything planned for this afternoon / evening ? Could you meet up with friends or do something you find relaxing . Early days and I can’t imagine how hard it will be for you. Sending a hug and strength . You have done amazing and to get mum in to home happy is brilliant . X

You are not handing over care , I like to think you are sharing the care . It was the right time and the fact she seems happy is a huge plus point , you have always done your best and you will continue to do so, try and relax a little. Glad today has gone ok.

I am finding it hard to relax, I feel so sad today. I think this is another stage that we grieve to be honest. Its going to take time to get used to this now. Thanks @Woohoo

 

[Palerider]

Hey well done you, sounds like you did a brilliant job of helping your mum feel confident and relaxed..who knew we would get so good at this parenting our parents thing eh? Be kind to yourself x

Thanks for the tip on the 'deep breath and go' it helped

 

[Palerider]

@Palerider so glad that things went well today. My mum was so unhappy when I took her to her care home that I thought I was going to be asked to take her home, so the fact your mum seemed fine is brilliant.
Hope you don't feel too bereft this evening. It's going to take a lot of adjusting for both of you but one step at a time.

Yes your right I will struggle for a while, and thanks

 

[Palerider]

Good Evening @Palerider, a tough day for you for sure, no matter how well it goes. It all seems a bit surreal, and it will take a while I'm sure, but it sounds as though your Mum was quite content. I wish you all the best, and there's nothing wrong with a few tears.

Thanks Pete1, there were tears late last night

 

[Palerider]

Hoping it all goes as well as it can. I am sure the packing will get done at some point. Allow yourself a bit of time afterwards to feel all kinds of emotion. I actually found Mummy settled in very well, it was me who couldn't stop crying. I think at that point I felt all the awfulness of dementia descend on me. Hopefully you can make a bit of time for yourself. I went almost straight into work and I am not sure that was a good idea.
Thinking of you.

Thanks Helly68, I won't be going back to work straight away, I will take some time to myself.

 

[Pete1]

Good Morning @Palerider, I found that I could spend quality time with Mum in the Care Home and be her son again. I quickly established a routine where I would go in late morning (when she was usually at her best) and help her with her lunch and stay for a while after lunch. She did ask a couple of times at the beginning 'how long am I staying here?' and I used to just ask 'are they looking after you ok?' to which she replied 'yes, they are lovely'. But after a relatively short time she forgot the bungalow completely and never asked again. I hope your Mum settles and you can establish a routine that works for you both.

 

[Woo2]

Morning @Palerider, I’m pretty sure you will struggle and I would be surprised if you didn’t , I think accepting it and trying to go along with it may help , and not to put any timeframe on it , it takes how long it takes .Just try and remember it was the right thing for both of you . Thoughts are with you . x

 

[Palerider]

Managed to get everything packed and take it. I few items for her room and clothes. I stayed with mum for about 20mins and she was in her own little bubble quite happy and having seconds of jam sponge and custard -she was quite funny and made me laugh (a bit of her old spirit was there). I left before things dawned on her about me and my leaving. I think she is more advanced than I thought to be fair. And realistically she won't becoming home, but in mums world that's all in the distant past anyway.

 

[Sarasa]

So glad things are going so well. Remember to look after yourself too.