[Thank you for taking the trouble to reply to me, but I'm not sure quite how to read your post. My OH was diagnosed seven years ago, and for seven years we have lived reasonably peacefully like this. I can't wind the clock back now and do it differently, and the way I approached it has always seemed to be just what he wanted. As the person now running the household of course I am bossy, but for seven years have tried to be so with my hand in a velvet glove. I would not willingly do anything now which I would regret as he became iller, and I had to look back on as something I wished I hadn't done. My problem is exacerbated by my horrible hip pain which is making me much less tolerant than usual, and what I wonder is whether anyone out there has any sort of technique for dealing with anger, irritation, misery and depression . I'm not religious and at times like this I'd possibly have found that helpful. I read poetry, listen to music, walk in the woods (when my hip will let me) but does anyone have any techniques/ ideas which help them when it all gets too much ?
QUOTE="karaokePete, post: 1672188, member: 67505"]I have only been a member here for a couple of years but have read many posts like this. The carer doesn't ever want to mention the 'D' word and doesn't want to be bossy. A post is then made when the forum member is struggling with a truculent partner/parent/grandparent. My following comment won't sit easy with many/most of the membership.
Your post states that you don't want to be bossy but that you want to manage the situation. I think that managing a situation means being the boss. When my wife was diagnosed the diagnosis was delivered in a cold and blunt fashion and she was shocked by the manner of the delivery. I take my cue from my wife's Consultant and am not afraid to mention the 'D' word or discuss the implications of that diagnosis when my wife asks questions.
A couple of years back my wife, in a fit of pique, announced that she could manage her own medication. I let her get on with it but within 24hrs she had missed doses and then double dosed. I pointed this out and took back control. She has never mentioned medication again. I take the same attitude with all aspects of life and let my wife try things, with me stepping in if life, limb or property are put at risk. I always point out why I'm taking control and let her know that I will let her assist me to the level that I deem safe for both of us and our home.
I am bossy and I discuss dementia with my wife(although I'm as positive as I can be on that score).
My attitude doesn't stop the progression of dementia and nor does it make life easy for me. As many of you know, I quit as a volunteer host here several months ago because I was at crisis point and had to concentrate on my caring role. What my attitude does do is make it easier for me to call upon Social Services and get them and my wife on board with assistance for me. Things are still difficult but I do have help.
My basic thought is why should anyone be surprised if their loved one thinks there is nothing wrong and that they still do everything for themselves if they have never been told any different or controlled to the extent that is required for their own safety and the safety of others.
This is how I operate and I know that it may not work for everyone but I just thought I'd put it out there as I noticed that your post had been read a few dozen times but had not received any replies.
I wish you the strength you will need for the future - it's very hard.[/QUOTE]