Hello! I am new to posting, but not new to reading Talking Point. I have learned so much from your wisdom, laughed at your funny stories, cried at your sadness, and my heart goes out to those of you in despair.
My Mum has dementia. I live over 500miles away. I am guilty of being an invisible and of helicoptering. My excuses? Big brother ended up back with Mum because his wife threw him out for being a boozer. I don't blame her. Mum did her best but the two of them ended up drinking and smoking all day. I was the goody two-shoes spoiling their happiness with my disapproval when I visited. Unsurprisingly, neither of them has faired well. After a challenging 2 years of multiple visits, I took a break to stay with Mum in our old family home.
To be fair to my brother, he did get her to the memory clinic, but she is high functioning. I disbelieved him at the start because I felt she needed to be sober before an accurate test could be done. I now understand 'hostess mode' that Mum greeted me with whenever I visited.
My stay with Mum taught me a lot about how Mum is now, what she will join in with (NOT dementia friendly activities), and that she cannot manage alone. I have never experienced as much anger at my brother as I have in the past 2 years. I researched carers for the self-funding and, when the window of opportunity arrived with brother's emergency hospital admission, I started to engage carers. Again to my brother's credit, he has remained sober and so has Mum. I have included him in the planning of carers, and funding. We have joint POA for finance, not joint and several as he has proven to be untrustworthy with her money.
Homesickness, missing my very understanding hubbie and children, has brought me back to my home and I am about to return to work. My new motto - "hope for the best, prepare for the worst".
With carers in place, and rejigging my work pattern to give me a 3 day weekend, I am hoping to joint manage the situation alongside my brother. I don't want to return to fire-fighting and rushing to Mum's every time I think there is a problem, but I am wary of my brother having a relapse. I hope to use the eyes of the carers to watch for problems, and I will try to visit routinely every month, but have space in my job plan to come sooner but in a more controlled way.
Time will tell if I can sit on my hands and not rush back to check on Mum!!
My Mum has dementia. I live over 500miles away. I am guilty of being an invisible and of helicoptering. My excuses? Big brother ended up back with Mum because his wife threw him out for being a boozer. I don't blame her. Mum did her best but the two of them ended up drinking and smoking all day. I was the goody two-shoes spoiling their happiness with my disapproval when I visited. Unsurprisingly, neither of them has faired well. After a challenging 2 years of multiple visits, I took a break to stay with Mum in our old family home.
To be fair to my brother, he did get her to the memory clinic, but she is high functioning. I disbelieved him at the start because I felt she needed to be sober before an accurate test could be done. I now understand 'hostess mode' that Mum greeted me with whenever I visited.
My stay with Mum taught me a lot about how Mum is now, what she will join in with (NOT dementia friendly activities), and that she cannot manage alone. I have never experienced as much anger at my brother as I have in the past 2 years. I researched carers for the self-funding and, when the window of opportunity arrived with brother's emergency hospital admission, I started to engage carers. Again to my brother's credit, he has remained sober and so has Mum. I have included him in the planning of carers, and funding. We have joint POA for finance, not joint and several as he has proven to be untrustworthy with her money.
Homesickness, missing my very understanding hubbie and children, has brought me back to my home and I am about to return to work. My new motto - "hope for the best, prepare for the worst".
With carers in place, and rejigging my work pattern to give me a 3 day weekend, I am hoping to joint manage the situation alongside my brother. I don't want to return to fire-fighting and rushing to Mum's every time I think there is a problem, but I am wary of my brother having a relapse. I hope to use the eyes of the carers to watch for problems, and I will try to visit routinely every month, but have space in my job plan to come sooner but in a more controlled way.
Time will tell if I can sit on my hands and not rush back to check on Mum!!
