Seeking advice on behaviour! Mum diagnosed with Alzheimer's

Cheesy biscuits

New member
Oct 27, 2019
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Hi I'm new on here. I'm desperately seeking advice I feel very overwhelmed at the moment. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at the beginning of the year and has deteriorated following my Dad's passing. My sister became her main carer but struggled to cope due to own health issues and we felt my mum wasn't safe to be at home so we found a care home for her. Her behavior is often challenging, she can often become aggressive and this is usual directed towards my sister or certain carers. The root cause seems to be that she is asking for help with mobility, she is very unsteady and has frequent falls, but if she doesn't get the help she gets frustrated and angry. However sometimes she just gets up herself and manages to get around with the use of a zimmer. There seems to be no pattern to it however the carers have insinuated that she is doing it deliberately for attention and to make my sister feel guilty. It was even said that her most recent fall was deliberate to make my sister leave work and go to her. I find this hard to believe but even my mum's social worker has said she's putting it on. I have no other experience of dementia but surely it's all part and parcel of the condition? Can anyone offer any experience?
 

Cat27

Registered User
Feb 27, 2015
13,057
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Merseyside
People with dementia can be very crafty to get what they want. My Dad always had a crisis if he knew I had somewhere to go. I stopped telling him when I had plans.
 

Cheesy biscuits

New member
Oct 27, 2019
5
0
People with dementia can be very crafty to get what they want. My Dad always had a crisis if he knew I had somewhere to go. I stopped telling him when I had plans.

Is this a thing with people with dementia? My mum has never behaved like this before dementia. She has really high anxiety and can't be left alone which is why we went for the care home option in the end. She'll often call either of us in a panic saying she's fallen again but as the conversation goes on she forgets what she's called for as she calms once she speaks to us. My sister is getting the brunt of it which is hard on her but she's making out like my mum's in control of this behaviour or her emotions and I find that hard to hear..
 

xPollyx

New member
Oct 23, 2019
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My mum is very crafty also she has a walking stick and zimmer I've saw her walk about and go up and down the stairs fine with gusto without aid when it suits her but when she's not getting your full attention she starts to put on this act that she's so frail and starts to use her stick etc
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
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South coast
My MIL used to phone to say that her zimmer frame had fallen over and as she needed it to walk OH or I had to go over to right it up again. It became obvious that she was actually pushing it over in order to get someone to go over there.

She was never manipulative before dementia
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
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@Cheesy biscuits (love your username) my friend's father often managed to have a fall and need to be taken to A&E just the day before they were going away somewhere. Once he moved to a CH some of these 'falls' were witnessed and involved him deliberately manoeuvring himself into a prone position on the floor and then shouting for help. So yes, craftiness and attention seeking seems to be a theme for some people with dementia.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
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Hi I'm new on here. I'm desperately seeking advice I feel very overwhelmed at the moment. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at the beginning of the year and has deteriorated following my Dad's passing. My sister became her main carer but struggled to cope due to own health issues and we felt my mum wasn't safe to be at home so we found a care home for her. Her behavior is often challenging, she can often become aggressive and this is usual directed towards my sister or certain carers. The root cause seems to be that she is asking for help with mobility, she is very unsteady and has frequent falls, but if she doesn't get the help she gets frustrated and angry. However sometimes she just gets up herself and manages to get around with the use of a zimmer. There seems to be no pattern to it however the carers have insinuated that she is doing it deliberately for attention and to make my sister feel guilty. It was even said that her most recent fall was deliberate to make my sister leave work and go to her. I find this hard to believe but even my mum's social worker has said she's putting it on. I have no other experience of dementia but surely it's all part and parcel of the condition? Can anyone offer any experience?

they are the care home - the professionals surely if they have concerns they should be looking to resolve it a bit?
 

Cheesy biscuits

New member
Oct 27, 2019
5
0
they are the care home - the professionals surely if they have concerns they should be looking to resolve it a bit?
You would think so but they seem to be saying that my mum is pretending. Her mobility hasn't been great for a long time if I help her I've been told by the carers that I'm making the situation worse. However if she gets the help then she doesnt get upset. I can't understand why they're so adamant she's making up and refusing to help her. My sister and I have totally different experiences of it she's very different with me.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
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North West
People with dementia remember how they feel about things more than anything else and this is often misunderstood in different ways. How they respond to those feelings is all very much down to their personally, their character and the things that make them the person they are. So you will see a range of behaviours. Some pwd are gentle souls, while other pwd become more challenging.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
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You would think so but they seem to be saying that my mum is pretending. Her mobility hasn't been great for a long time if I help her I've been told by the carers that I'm making the situation worse. However if she gets the help then she doesnt get upset. I can't understand why they're so adamant she's making up and refusing to help her. My sister and I have totally different experiences of it she's very different with me.
I really empathise with you , I am struggling to get Dad the help he requires
I’m now thinking that it might be in dads best interests if he was moved to another care home - but that would exacerbate his dementia! so in all honesty I’m damned if I do & damned if I don’t!

Not a good time for either of us!
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
@Cheesy biscuits you mentioned on your other thread that your sister was previously your mother's main carer, and she believes the staff that your mother's behaviour is attention seeking. You say that your mother behaves differently with you - I suspect she may be doing what is known on here as 'hosting'. People with the dementia can put on their 'game face' for short periods and behave quite differently with visitors than they do with people who do their regular care. It could be this is why your mum seems to behave differently with you?