I have just had to place my partner into a care home after 32yrs together the last 10yrs careing for him and his dementia although he has settled right away and seems very content I go nearly every day to be with him although he dosnt know me now I think he thinks Im one of the staff coming and going but it how to deal without him Im keeping busy to the point of ocd but ts only been 6wks now any advise would help my confidence to mix in company having been on one to one for so long
Coping with having to put partner in a care home
- Thread starter Gabekka
- Start date
Hi @Gabekka sorry to hear your partner has had to go into care but lovely to hear how settled he is. I can’t begin to imagine how hard this is for you after caring for him yourself for so long. I’m sure someone here will be able to offer you some advice.
All I can say is it sounds like you’ve done completely the right thing for your loved one. Take care.
All I can say is it sounds like you’ve done completely the right thing for your loved one. Take care.
Hello @Gabekka
If you possibly can, try not to keep so busy to the point of ocd. It might be better if you allow yourself to adjust slowly to the change in your life.
When my husband went into a care home I visited every other day and on the days I didn`t visit I tried to do things I was unable to do when he needed full time care from me.
It was hard to put my mind to anything at first but slowly I began to regain interest in long forgotten hobbies.
It`s wonderful your partner has settled so well. Now it`s your turn to settle.
If you possibly can, try not to keep so busy to the point of ocd. It might be better if you allow yourself to adjust slowly to the change in your life.
When my husband went into a care home I visited every other day and on the days I didn`t visit I tried to do things I was unable to do when he needed full time care from me.
It was hard to put my mind to anything at first but slowly I began to regain interest in long forgotten hobbies.
It`s wonderful your partner has settled so well. Now it`s your turn to settle.
Hi @Gabekka
Having just gone through the same situation with my wife (been in a nursing home for just over 4 weeks, where she's settled in well), I too am finding adjusting to a "single" life very hard.
As I developed a social life for us both at the start of our dementia journey 6 years ago, based around a local family run pub nearby, I am lucky to have a great bunch of friends that supported us along the way and are now there for me.
The thing that's proving difficult to get used to is the emptiness when I get back home. After 48 years of marriage (our anniversary was 2 weeks after she moved into the nursing home), not having her there is heart-wrenching.
Daft things like having all her clothes in the wardrobe, 99% of which she'll never wear again. I certainly can't bring myself to get rid of anything as it would seem like a betrayal.
Obviously I do not know what your circumstances are but as others have suggested, perhaps try rekindling old hobbies or pastimes, reconnecting with old friends etc? It reminds me a bit of what it felt like on leaving school and having to explore the big wide world. Only advantage now is that I have hopefully learnt from my mistakes - time will tell?
Kind regards and good luck.
Phil
Having just gone through the same situation with my wife (been in a nursing home for just over 4 weeks, where she's settled in well), I too am finding adjusting to a "single" life very hard.
As I developed a social life for us both at the start of our dementia journey 6 years ago, based around a local family run pub nearby, I am lucky to have a great bunch of friends that supported us along the way and are now there for me.
The thing that's proving difficult to get used to is the emptiness when I get back home. After 48 years of marriage (our anniversary was 2 weeks after she moved into the nursing home), not having her there is heart-wrenching.
Daft things like having all her clothes in the wardrobe, 99% of which she'll never wear again. I certainly can't bring myself to get rid of anything as it would seem like a betrayal.
Obviously I do not know what your circumstances are but as others have suggested, perhaps try rekindling old hobbies or pastimes, reconnecting with old friends etc? It reminds me a bit of what it felt like on leaving school and having to explore the big wide world. Only advantage now is that I have hopefully learnt from my mistakes - time will tell?
Kind regards and good luck.
Phil
