My grandad has dementia

Anon3786

New member
Oct 26, 2019
2
0
Hi, I’m new to this so not sure if I’m doing it right
On Tuesday (I think) my grandad got told he had a form of dementia called frontotemporal dementia, I only found out today by accident and I cant stop thinking about it. I’ve researched it and it’s been talking about how there’s no treatment or anything that can slow it down currently available, and it also says the life expectancy :(. I don’t think we’re (the grandkids) are meant to know so I’m not sure how to act, I suppose as normal but Idk. I just keep thinking surely not, my grandad can’t have dementia, it doesn’t feel real, even saying it.
I personally have always thought he’s been fine, and it was just down to old age, but overhearing my nan and mum talking, they said they knew deep down??
This isn’t even a question thread, I just had to get it off my chest some how lol.
 

rainbowcat

Registered User
Oct 14, 2015
139
0
Welcome to Talking Point :) I would think that your best action is to continue acting exactly towards your grandad in the same way as you always did. He's still your grandfather, the same person etc. At the same time, research his type of dementia so you know what to possibly expect in the coming months/years.
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Anon3786. Sorry you are in such shock at finding out about your grandad's condition. As rainbowcat says he is still your grandad and nothing will change that. Your mum and nan will need your support, so tell them you know about the diagnosis and offer to help if they need you to. In the meantime try to find memory cafes and carers support groups for yourself, your nan and your mum as they are great places to find out more about local support as and when it is needed. They are also good places to find moral support and get things off your chest, as is this forum. Keep asking and offloading here, we'll do our best with the experience and knowledge we have.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you and https://carers.org/ are the links you need.
 

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
208
0
hi @Anon3786
If you were my son/daughter/grandchild I would want to know you have overheard the conversation. Keeping it from you is a strain too as well as for you knowing and not able to say. If you open up and let them know what you have heard you can get the family support you need, and also can support those around you.
I personally don't think there is anything to be gained by not telling family whatever their age. Ok keep it age related. But close family, like yourself, hear things or notice things and the worry of knowing but not knowing something is happening is a big strain and pressure on you. I agree he is still your grandad, and maybe you can/should carry on the same. But its not the same and you cant 'unknow' this information. So the next step is you also need support and questions answered. Talk to Mum or Nan. Until you can do this there is always this thread where you will get as much help and support as we can give from a distance. But cant beat the real life support of your family.
best wishes
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
Oh my lovely, at the end of the day all the advice I can give you is naming an illness doesn’t change how that person experiences it. Each person with dementia has a very personal journey, & no one can say how long it will take that person to travel that journey.

Dementia effects the brain in different ways & your Grandad needs you to just be you & love him no matter what.

I cuddle my Dad & listen to music with him, Up until a couple of months ago I used to bring him his favourite tipples & food. We’d go for little walks & just spend time together; not chatting just being company for each other.

At the end of the day the person is the priority, the disease an unknown quantity that cannot be predicted.

your Grandad needs you to be you
 

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