Life threatening events and life saving treatment

[northumbrian_k]

I called in to see my wife this morning. She was fast asleep in the lounge and woke up just to say “Hello Darling” before going back to sleep. A lady was attending to another resident, trying to take her blood pressure and temperature. She was a fairly newly-appointed nurse covering 2 GP practices, including the residents of 3 care homes. She established who I was then went off to read my wife's notes. We then had a short meeting when she asked my views on whether my wife should be admitted to hospital in the event of heart attack, stroke or some other life-threatening event. She agreed with me that, given her advanced stage and general lack of quality of life, it would be better not to admit her to hospital for ‘life saving’ treatment if she could continue to have her basic needs attended to at her care home.

We also talked about having a do not attempt resuscitation (DNAR) order in her medical records and the nurse said that she could organise this, to which I agreed. I confirmed that I have Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare. I had been meaning to do something about this in any case. It seems to me that it would be cruel rather than compassionate to attempt to take measures to keep my wife alive only to return her to the shadow of a life to which she is now condemned. It may never happen in this way, but it is better to have clear instructions in place than to leave it to chance.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I agree. My mum has the same arrangements in place - no hospital, no treatments.

I don't have the H & W PoA but mum wrote a Living Will (now called Advance Directive) that clearly states her wishes.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s a big and quite painful decision and I feel you are relieved to have been able to make it following consultation with the nurse. It`s always best to make these decisions before a crisis than during one.

All credit to the nurse who approached you with sensitivity @notthumbrian_k

 

[Bunpoots]

My dad made his own decision regarding DNAR but his GP phoned me to ask if I thought he had capacity to understand what it meant. I replied that I did but thought it was strange that the GP would ask me even though I did have LPA for H&W.

I was glad it was in place last year as my dad had a massive stroke which ended his life unexpectedly. He was in a carehome at the time and I’m glad he was allowed to pass away peacefully. I would have hated his last few hours to have been spent in futile and unwanted attempts to keep him alive.

I think quality outweighs quantity in life.

 

[Sirena]

The care home manager approached me a while ago about a DNAR for my mother. I agreed to it and the GP signed if off (I don't have H&W LPA). I doubt anyone would think my mother has capacity to make the decision herself.

 

[Izzy]

It’s a hard decision to make @northumbrian_k but I know I was glad to have made it when the time came. Thinking of you.

 

[Pete1]

Hi @northumbrian_k, I really feel for you, a tough day. I did the same for my Mum, and at the end I was very pleased that I made the decision - although it felt extremely difficult at the time.

 

[RosettaT]

My OH and I had this conversation before he was diagnosed and again when he was and his decision hadn't changed. In fact his thoughts on the subject was mentioned years ago so when I was asked about DNR when he was in hospital at the beginning of year it was wasn't difficult to inform them of his wishes. I was sad to have to do it but all our married life he has been adamant that he doesn't want to be resuscitated if his quality of life would be/is reduced. We've also spoken about him being an organ donor which he has signed up to.

 

[Duggies-girl]

My dad has a DNAR at home and because he is under the hospice we have a written plan that states he can have anything needed to keep him comfortable including antibiotics, blood transfusions and of course pain relief but we are to avoid admittance to hospital.

I saw what his last stay did to him but what if he were to fall and break something like a hip. He is very frail and unsteady and that would be my worst nightmare. What happens then.