Sugar in her coffee

katydid

Registered User
Oct 23, 2018
58
0
My husband has diabetes also. Recently we have lapsed,on his sugar free diet, and his blood sugar levels have stayed ok, so I can give the treats he likes so much.
After 50 or so years drinking tea without sugar he informed the carer today. 2 sugars love! And thoroughly enjoyed,it!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Not a good day. I got impatient and cross with Mum, she cried I cried but at least we have both forgotten about what this evening. I do remember her saying I made her feel like a small child being scolded. I feel so horrid but sometimes I just get so wound up. I can do the planning and organising but the caring is so hard. I have so much respect for others on this forum who Care day in and day out and try to learn but find the quality of patience so hard especially when it involves Mum’s safety. Managed to get through x ray and dental appointments with Mum smoothly. Thought (ha ha) she understood about the extra tablet to be taken at bedtime in her dossett pack. Travelled the 70 miles back home. Rang her to remind her to take her extra tablet to find out she was already in bed and forgotten about it. She took it and then told me a lot of other tablets had fallen out of the dossett pack. Having got delayed by traffic on the way home I was late to meet friend (who was visiting the area for one night) for dinner who had been slotted in before a meeting I had to go to. So I must admit at this point I just wanted a blub. Told Mum to gather them up and we would get it sorted tomorrow. Just need to work out how to get tablets up to chemist to sort out, get Mum to hairdressers - both 20 minute walks when she has a bad knee (and won’t use a taxi even if I arrange it) maybe quicker to drive back up there.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
So a few fun days with the Dossett Dilemma! Thank you to all who offered advise. Mum’s brilliant neighbour (whose husband had dementia) is currently housebound with fractured ankle very kindly got another neighbour who used to be a nurse to go and help for a few days with the morning tablets and a 20 min plus phone call from me has meant that Mum has taken the evening one. After Mum being adamant she would get it right shortly she has agreed today we can talk to the care company about the ‘ladies’ coming in to help her with her tablets, so it was a good job I have already arranged a meeting to review the care package on Monday. :oops:The carers themselves are excellent generally but who ever organises them does not seem the best. We were promised a max of 4 carers and we have had a least 12 so this will be discussed as well. Although on the phone they said they can do the last med call about 7.30 I am a little concerned it will creep forward.
On the positive I am going to look at another Care Home next week - same company as one Mum had seen locally to her. If they build from new they do the same layout and I was impressed at what they had tried to do at the last one in the early dementia wing. If it is any good then I can take Mum along to see it as well as they do have a vacancy in 3 to 4 weeks time.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
All sounds very positive. Hope the new CH fits the bill.

You are right your mum should have a much smaller rota of carers from the agency, shame they seem to be falling down a bit on this. Do they have a system of having to log in and out when they are there? I know that is becoming quite common. My mother's agency didn't have that automatic system, they just emailed me the schedule in advance each each week, and then I got a full list of timings at the end of the month when I paid the invoice.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
All sounds very positive. Hope the new CH fits the bill.

You are right your mum should have a much smaller rota of carers from the agency, shame they seem to be falling down a bit on this. Do they have a system of having to log in and out when they are there? I know that is becoming quite common. My mother's agency didn't have that automatic system, they just emailed me the schedule in advance each each week, and then I got a full list of timings at the end of the month when I paid the invoice.
Yes the carers do log in and out via mobiles and confirm what they have done. I was told I could have access to these records so I need to chase that again. To be honest I am just keeping my hopes on a Care Home and finding the right long term ‘solution’ rather than fighting the short term. A few issues at home so I feel there I need to direct my energy where it will be productive.
Mum told me that she had been told she did not need to take any tablets this morning and said there was none in the dossett. Told me the chemist said so. I could not go up to her today so I just resigned myself that what will be will be. All blood pressure/heart tablets etc.
On the good but sad side saw my best friend off on a semi world tour for 12 months. Sad she is going but so pleased for her
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
Yes best to focus on the longer term now, you have to look ahead. I just wondered if you had 'real time' access to check when the evening carer makes her call. My mother told the care agency she didn't need to take any tablets - seems a common theme. You just have to let some things go though, you can only do so much.

Understandable that you have mixed feelings about your friend's trip, lovely for her but a bit sad for you.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Just back from the 2 day visit. Mum agreed to Carers coming in a.m and p.m. to ensure she is ok taking her tablets so I stop worrying. We agreed if she could take the tablets without any issues for 4 weeks then they could be cancelled. I am hopping by this time she will be used to them coming in or a Care Home place will be available. Care company came out and all arranged. We have cancelled the Tue and Thur housekeeping calls of 1 hr each time and they are replaced by 30 mins a.m and p.m. I have talked to the Carer that came in today who is lovely and she suggested that I just create a checklist of cleaning to be done and the Carers can then fit in depending on the situation. As it is a small bungalow and Mum is not messy it can be given a general clean in an hour. Just need to muddle through this week. I also complained about the number of different Carers coming in and said it needed to improve. It was not fair on Mum. I will also get access to the carer logs so if they start coming to early in the evening or too late in the morning I can start causing a fuss. Seems like the policy generally is ‘those that shout loudest’ get their own way. Not surprised as this is mentioned so many times and it must be horrendous for anyone that does not have someone to champion their cause.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
After tears on the phone this morning due to tablet confusion I thought Mum came out with a very good description of her Alzheimers. She compared her memory and thoughts/appropriate word as like a fork full of spaghetti. You just get it all twisted round your fork and then it all falls off again and again and again :(
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Arrived at Mum’s late afternoon to a barrage of I can’t find this, who keeps moving this and a lot of I did not do its. Sorted out phone, tablets, creams, recycling and found some lost items in double time just so I could go to the loo after my journey. Calmer evening after and I just let her chatter on about the things I have heard a load of times before. She did say she was scared of going out now as she knew she could get to where she wanted to go but she worried she would forget how to get back home again :(
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
So first day of carers coming in to do Mum’s meds’ was not a success. Had asked for visits between 8-9am (as Mum has a time sensitive tablet) and between 7-9pm at night (as tablet makes her drowsy) On arriving at Mum’s yesterday found today’s evening visit was scheduled for 5.30pm. The carer turned up at 5pm - she said she would wait in her car until 5.30pm but I said to her you might as well come in and have a cuppa. The carer was also surprised to find out it was to give ‘bedtime’ meds. As I was staying tonight I said to carer to go ahead and give the tablets so I could see what happened. Mum goes to bed at 9pm and rarely naps in the evening. She was flat out asleep in her chair by 8.30pm. I woke her gently but she was very confused - asking where her Dad was and not too steady on her feet. So glad I was with her. Strongly worded email going to care company tomorrow to say tablets not to be given before 7pm. Any other suggestions are welcome of course.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Conversation with Mum.
Mum ‘My daughter used to have to wear a boater to school in the summer and she hated it’
Me ‘and a black hat in winter which was made of felt’
Mum ‘Yes that’s right. Did you go to the same school?’
This was the 2nd time it has happened :(
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
So I stupidly thought I had got to grips a bit on Mum’s capabilities. I thought by staying there overnight she would not be in hostess mode. Seems she is still able to put on a good front although I see lots of cracks. On my phone call this morning she was confused about a shed key, this evening the carer turned up to an unlocked front door and no key in sight. Carer looked for it and then rang me. Sent her to neighbour to get spare keys (so the one in the key safe stayed safe). Carer left and Mum locked front door, carer told her to leave keys in front door. Mum told me carer had said to hide them on a book shelf. Told mum to get keys and put them next to phone because she would never remember where she had hidden them. Spare keys are in brown leather case and Mum does not recognise them as the keys to her front door so when another neighbour went round she said she could not find her keys. Also neighbour rang me and said Mum had the scissors attached to the key ring yesterday as Mum said she was worried about losing the Scissors. Mum also complained that nobody was telling her about her sister in hospital. According to cousin they had spoken for 10 minutes yesterday on the phone. Getting really worried now for her safety, I thought upping the care visits would help. Hope there is a vacancy at one of the homes soon (although this will mean no doubt sad news for someone else)
 
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Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
It's good you have already made arrangements and are just waiting for a care home room - you have the comfort of knowing that. By this stage my mother had carers in for several hours a day, but I was still worried about her for all the hours they weren't there. I dreaded the phone calls or emails from neighbours because she'd wandered off, or lost her keys, or had a fall, or set off the smoke alarm. As soon as I fixed one problem, another would arise. There comes a point when the only thing which helps is supervision 24/7 - it was a relief when I knew she was safe in the care home.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
@Sirena I agree because I do worry and do dread those phone calls and because I can’t just ‘pop around the corner’ to sort things out. Next week is Mum’s 90th and we have 2 small celebrations and then I really hope a place becomes available
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,145
0
Nottinghamshire
Hope a care home place turns up soon and that in the meantime you have a good time celebrating your mum's ninetieth. My mum insisted she wanted a big party for hers last year, managed to book a hall and then decided the rest of it was too much to deal with so my sister-in-law and I ended up sorting out invites, food, entertainment etc. At least mum had a good time.
The dreading the phone call scenario really resonated with me. Mum used to phone me most days and I never knew what mum I'd have at the end of the line, the muddled and sweet or the muddled and raging.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
@Sarasa i had never thought about it - muddled and sweet or muddled and raging. So true and muddled and raging are for me so much harder to cry and calm her down so that I can try and unmuddle
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
How I hate still being awake at this time of night. Carer coming at 7.30 then the drive home for 24 hours to catch up there before coming back. Just wanted a whinge
 

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
208
0
How I hate still being awake at this time of night. Carer coming at 7.30 then the drive home for 24 hours to catch up there before coming back. Just wanted a whinge
it good to have a 'whinge' and totally allowed!
i dont know how you manage it all with the added stress of the distance and travel back and to, on top of all you have to do. where do people pull all their energies from
i have the person i care for living with me. the traveling you have to do adds another level to the care. afe trip and hope you find time to relax in your 24 hours!
 

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