Hi, This is my first post so please forgive me if I ramble. Dads had mixed dementia for 5 years now. My Mum died in December last year and Dad has gone downhill since. He is, most of the time very happy in his own little world but his routine is key. He calls most things "snaps" and "Nat West" so we have to spend many an hour trying to figure out what he is referring to. He refuses to wash or shower and hasn't washed since June and no matter what I or anyone else says he just point blank refuses. He wont let anyone help him and has had a number of toileting accidents but still we cant get him clean himself. We had carers going in 3 times a day however my sister used to take him out while the carers were there a lot of the time for some reason so when she couldn't go round as much he decided he didn't need or want the carers in his house and used to either refuse them entry or throw the food they made for him away and was rude to them. We pay someone privately to do his cleaning and companionship for 3 hrs a day 5 days a week but she is having a baby in December so wont be around for a while. My Sister goes in once a day and does his tea... Well I call it tea but its just a few snacks really. He is unable to cook or make a cup of tea but can drink wine (we water it down so there's less than a glass full of actual wine in the bottle). He doesn't now want any of his grown up grandchildren to visit and only wants me and my two sister to visit. Two of us work and like an hours drive away and the other lives close to him and doesn't work.
To my question (told you I might ramble, sorry)
My sister that lives close to him refuses to speak or communicate with me or my other sister but has passed a message on through her daughter that she is not willing to continue to look after Dad once the cleaner goes on maternity. She has said she wants him in a home, (she even named the home) but doesn't want any involvement in the arrangements. My other sister and I both feel a care home would be the best thing for Dad but I know he will refuse as he keeps saying no one can make him leave his home. We will be self funding but I have spoken to his social worker and he has suggested that I don't tell him he is going into a care home and when we get there just have a cuppa with him then leave. This seems really cruel and I know he will hate me for it. I also know if I tell him somethings wrong with the house and he has to move out for a while he will refuse. I feel so guilty and it will all be down to me to sort and be the bad one that takes him and leaves him there. I just don't know the best way to deal with it. Anything I say to him he will just refuse. Any advice would be much appreciated
To my question (told you I might ramble, sorry)
My sister that lives close to him refuses to speak or communicate with me or my other sister but has passed a message on through her daughter that she is not willing to continue to look after Dad once the cleaner goes on maternity. She has said she wants him in a home, (she even named the home) but doesn't want any involvement in the arrangements. My other sister and I both feel a care home would be the best thing for Dad but I know he will refuse as he keeps saying no one can make him leave his home. We will be self funding but I have spoken to his social worker and he has suggested that I don't tell him he is going into a care home and when we get there just have a cuppa with him then leave. This seems really cruel and I know he will hate me for it. I also know if I tell him somethings wrong with the house and he has to move out for a while he will refuse. I feel so guilty and it will all be down to me to sort and be the bad one that takes him and leaves him there. I just don't know the best way to deal with it. Anything I say to him he will just refuse. Any advice would be much appreciated