Vent - setting Up new thread - MIL, SS, Self funding, GP
- Thread starter daveyshadow
- Start date
Dad wanting to use the toilet.You can hear him moaning and groaning.So I said to him “I can take you to use the commode,but i can’t take you to the bathroom as it hurts my shoulders.(Using the Sara Steady and having to perform the “cha cha” to get through in and around the door) .Plus having to come out backwards.His reply is “I will wait for the carers..”!So he did...No not his dementia kicking in.His personality.!Always his own way or no way.Going to be fun in the next few months,as the bathroom tiles are cracking under his weight with the Sara Steady on the floor!Ah well!!(((((Grr!!!))
Dad wanting to use the toilet.You can hear him moaning and groaning.So I said to him “I can take you to use the commode,but i can’t take you to the bathroom as it hurts my shoulders.(Using the Sara Steady and having to perform the “cha cha” to get through in and around the door) .Plus having to come out backwards.His reply is “I will wait for the carers..”!So he did...No not his dementia kicking in.His personality.!Always his own way or no way.Going to be fun in the next few months,as the bathroom tiles are cracking under his weight with the Sara Steady on the floor!Ah well!!(((((Grr!!!))
Dad wanting to use the toilet.You can hear him moaning and groaning.So I said to him “I can take you to use the commode,but i can’t take you to the bathroom as it hurts my shoulders.(Using the Sara Steady and having to perform the “cha cha” to get through in and around the door) .Plus having to come out backwards.His reply is “I will wait for the carers..”!So he did...No not his dementia kicking in.His personality.!Always his own way or no way.Going to be fun in the next few months,as the bathroom tiles are cracking under his weight with the Sara Steady on the floor!Ah well!!(((((Grr!!!))
Cha cha cha!
Lovely imagery
Have installed mother in respite home! Oh my days I’m exhausted! Daughter of the year award going to youngest for driving over 6 hours!
Aged mother - don’t want to go, want to die managed to eat a plate of cakes, fish pie & rice pudding & jam. Hot chocolate tonight & anything else her little heart desires!
Meanwhile my own health is not good & if I’m not careful it will be a three horse race soon!!!
Always joked that Aged mother will outlive me........
I’m not surprised with all you have going on.I wondered if you got your mum to go with you.
You and your daughter must be both exhausted.Not an easy journey,especially with the added stress.I hope your mum settles in.
I hope you are able to relax a bit (not easy)with all you have going on,for your own health.
I’m having a wine to chill as I am finally home after my usual 4days away.
Maybe G&T later ?
You and your daughter must be both exhausted.Not an easy journey,especially with the added stress.I hope your mum settles in.
I hope you are able to relax a bit (not easy)with all you have going on,for your own health.
I’m having a wine to chill as I am finally home after my usual 4days away.
Maybe G&T later
?I’m not surprised with all you have going on.I wondered if you got your mum to go with you.
You and your daughter must be both exhausted.Not an easy journey,especially with the added stress.I hope your mum settles in.
I hope you are able to relax a bit (not easy)with all you have going on,for your own health.
I’m having a wine to chill as I am finally home after my usual 4days away.
Maybe G&T later
No alcohol on the drugs or with the blood pressure so high at the moment!
Life just gets better...& better.......
Aged mother reluctantly ( rather vocally) has taken to the respite care placement better than expected. She’s being fussed over & the food is amazing.
Meanwhile I will ensure that I have a chance to rest. So my own support worker & dear friend will go with me today to winkle out Aged mother & get her over to Dad mid morning. Hopefully after a nights rest both will be at their best!?!
Mum will be emotional & by having someone with me I have support- darling daughter off to Bristol to sort out her own education, I feel like she’s put this year on hold for me & im forever grateful but it’s important she has a life as well!
OH is working but last night his lovely Mum rang up wanting to meet me in Ikea next week to take me out for lunch. Arrrrrghhhh!
It’s typical that my life is not my own at this moment in time.
I’m tempted to say ... YES & go.
Does that make me a bad person?
To actually have time to myself, oh what luxury & a girl can always do with a few more candles & napkins....
I know the respite care have a toddler group that comes in on Tuesday mornings.
Mums eyes lit up at that ..... oh it’s a possibility......
Like Baldrick ( Blackadder fan!) I have a cunning plan.......
Hiya! No that does not make you a bad person wanting time to yourself.
It would be difficult to get any I would imagine with everything going on.
Your mum certainly is not going to get a chance to get bored .One thing about homes is that there are plenty of people about.
Plenty to talk to if your mum wanted too.
I will be watching this space for the plan to develop!
It would be difficult to get any I would imagine with everything going on.
Your mum certainly is not going to get a chance to get bored .One thing about homes is that there are plenty of people about.
Plenty to talk to if your mum wanted too.
I will be watching this space for the plan to develop!
Think it might be a day in bed today sleeping! Pounding headache, legs aching with the DVT, absolute exhaustion taking grip! My head & body feel numb!
Back and shoulder killing me.I have taken my BP today and it is higher than normal.So I am now dosed up with painkillers.
I have phoned the parents and told them I am not able to come in next week as I’m beginning to feel rough.Mum very understanding,but dad not happy.I am not able to lug him around in his wheelchair or to take him out.Luckily ,he has carers every day and freezer full of food.But hey ho!Never mind that he is a dead weight.!!
I have phoned the parents and told them I am not able to come in next week as I’m beginning to feel rough.Mum very understanding,but dad not happy.I am not able to lug him around in his wheelchair or to take him out.Luckily ,he has carers every day and freezer full of food.But hey ho!Never mind that he is a dead weight.!!
I know where you’re coming from, was back at the GP on Wednesday as Mum desperately needs to be assessed at the memory clinic. Will be deemed to have capacity, so her choice. She accepted having a cardiac loop recorder inserted when the consultant offered it. Had to cancel the appointment as she now won’t have it done. She’s accused my son (her grandson) of having a key cut and dumping his cookery books in her cupboard, she can’t explain where she wants to go and gets angry when you go to the place you think she wants. Puts silver foil trays in the microwave, burns her food as she gets distracted. Has a massive problem with the young couple next door to her, particularly the man. They have asked me in as they aren’t sure how to deal with her. Another massive argument with him resulted in him telling her I’d been in, so now she’s livid with me ( I had told her at the time). He apparently threatenened to call the police this time.
She was due to go to the nurse for a monthly injection and told me to not go round as she wouldn’t go, then got herself there (2 buses and then went on a trip 10 miles away by bus). By which point a neighbour had phoned as she didnt appear to be home and I’m the one that is not being spoken to as she’s too angry to speak to me.
Was at the memory clinic with husband this week and putting Mum in his place in my mind. I doubt that she could have coped with any of the questions.
Feeling at a bit of a loss, got her to the go last time by lying but they just offered her ‘mood lifters’ that she won’t take.
She was due to go to the nurse for a monthly injection and told me to not go round as she wouldn’t go, then got herself there (2 buses and then went on a trip 10 miles away by bus). By which point a neighbour had phoned as she didnt appear to be home and I’m the one that is not being spoken to as she’s too angry to speak to me.
Was at the memory clinic with husband this week and putting Mum in his place in my mind. I doubt that she could have coped with any of the questions.
Feeling at a bit of a loss, got her to the go last time by lying but they just offered her ‘mood lifters’ that she won’t take.
Dad Is continually saying No to everything offered to him.Befrienders ,day centre etc.I got the GP in (Dad housebound unless I take him) to up His antidepressants.If PWD was easier maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.Dad has always been awkward to say the least.All this has made him more so.
I am stepping back this week and letting the carers deal with him.
You have done what you can for your mum.Who sounds very similar to my dad.
It’s not easy to step back but sometimes we have to.For our own sake .
Mums respite care home seeing & probing ( I told them don’t be nice to me..) why I seemed upset have said - we don’t want to see you until next week!
So I’m hoping to have a day off & realign myself!
OH says he will pop in, & I’m going to ask a friend to as well.
Definitely stepping back - just hope it’s not off a cliff!
So I’m hoping to have a day off & realign myself!
OH says he will pop in, & I’m going to ask a friend to as well.
Definitely stepping back - just hope it’s not off a cliff!
Good on you!
I hope not either but I am definitely feeling it these days.
It must be the age
!GP going in to see dad next week.Should be fun.
Good on you!
I hope not either but I am definitely feeling it these days.
It must be the age
GP going in to see dad next week.Should be fun.
Oh good luck I hope you have a positive experience, im afraid I’m more jaded than usual by today’s unpleasantness....
I like to believe what I’m told by medical professionals but experiences are proving otherwise....
I won't be there.She phoned me as I phoned them with dad's new symptoms.
She will then phone me again next week.
I can imagine! They should have behaved a lot more professionally!
If it wasn’t happening to me - I really wouldn’t believe me! How awful is that? Thank goodness that I have had witnesses to all of this otherwise I’d be on my own thinking I was losing my marbles!
It’s too much like deja by with Aged Mother all over again!
If I could afford or it wouldn’t distress Dad I would move him; but the old adage out of the frying pan into the fire comes to mind!
Bullying should never be tolerated.That is what it is!
Pity you didn’t take your phone and photos of your dad trying to eat.
I take photos of dads legs etc ,so I can keep a physical record.I know he is at home but I can always show the professionals if I need to..(bruising cancer etc)
I know you cannot take photos of other residents or staff but you can if your family
Well a quick update on my situation. After 6 weeks of waiting we had a visit from SS last week, thought it seemed a little informal for a best interests meeting. Found out the next day from a follow up call that it was only an assessment as that is all Care direct asked them to do. So now the SW wants to do another assessment with a colleague, but he has to cancel and rearrange that as well.
In the meantime my brother came over from Abu Dhabi last week and stayed with my parents 200 miles away. Started messaging me to say that our dad has now been diagnosed with early stage dementia. Neither mum or dad has spoken to me about it yet. Not sure I can cope with this, especially as brother is about as much use as a wet blanket. So something else for me to deal with.
Looking at all the posts on this site, even just this thread, I don't know how we all cope. I am now feeling guilty as I have vented a little to my parents about MIL, so they must be worried about how I will be with this. I am going to call them in a couple of days, just wanted to get past Dad's birthday last Sunday and my younger daughters today before upsetting any apple carts.
I haven't replied to all the individual messages on this thread but I can see we all have our struggles. Not every PWD is the same and not every family support group is the same, but at least on here we can put our feelings without judgment and ask for support and ideas from each other.
In the meantime my brother came over from Abu Dhabi last week and stayed with my parents 200 miles away. Started messaging me to say that our dad has now been diagnosed with early stage dementia. Neither mum or dad has spoken to me about it yet. Not sure I can cope with this, especially as brother is about as much use as a wet blanket. So something else for me to deal with.
Looking at all the posts on this site, even just this thread, I don't know how we all cope. I am now feeling guilty as I have vented a little to my parents about MIL, so they must be worried about how I will be with this. I am going to call them in a couple of days, just wanted to get past Dad's birthday last Sunday and my younger daughters today before upsetting any apple carts.
I haven't replied to all the individual messages on this thread but I can see we all have our struggles. Not every PWD is the same and not every family support group is the same, but at least on here we can put our feelings without judgment and ask for support and ideas from each other.
I guess that's some moving forward @daveyshadow
so sorry to read that now you have both sets of parents with concerns
keep posting .... as you say, it helps
so sorry to read that now you have both sets of parents with concerns
keep posting .... as you say, it helps
