Legal advice —

[Roziii]

Granddaughter wants to come and live with my elderly mum who has dementia and stage 4 lung cancer- she only has approx 6 months to live .Grandaughter is going to start university.
I feel unsure if this is going to work.She will be with a sick woman- often feeling sick and vomiting ,she has carers in morning to do breakfast and give her tablets.She is my mother in law- my husband has power of attorney and he is applying for carers allowance as he has not worked for 10 months- He manages everything,bills, hospital appointments,Goes round 1-2 times a day-gives her dinner and evening tablets.The council are currently sorting out a walk in shower and stairlift.She is getting attendance allowance.
It might be helpful to have someone staying there as my husband wants to try and go back work.
The house in the will goes to my husband and his brother(granddaughters father).Will her staying at the house cause problems when one day mother in law has died and we want to sell the house? Can she refuse to leave?
Mother in law is exempt from council tax- will grandaughter have to pay ? I presume she will have to inform them that she lives at that address?
I have niggling doubts about her staying there and not sure why.Any advice appreciated

 

[Beate]

As a student the granddaughter would be exempt from council tax too but I think she ought to concentrate on her studies which she can't do if she suddenly has to live with a terminally ill person. That situation would not be fair on either party in my opinion.

 

[Sirena]

It doesn't sound a great idea but we don't know the background. Why does she want to live there? Is it to help care for her grandmother, or simply because she needs somewhere to live? Why do you think she might refuse to leave the house?

 

[Roziii]

Yes maybe it’s fine.As mother in law deteriorates with her cancer how will she cope with that as it will be very distressful- I nursed my dad at home last year and it was very hard.Will it affect her studies? I don’t think she realises the situation may affect her.
Also my brother in law has complained that he wants to have control on decisions about mother in law when it comes to money even though he lives in Australia-my husband manages everything as she also cannot read or write/ speak English.I don’t know if there is another reason she is staying.It could just be she needs somewhere to live with no rent to pay it will be good for her in that way.Its not to care for her I don’t think but I’m sure she will help while she is there with giving food or medication- she’s only 22 years old

 

[Roziii]

I think I am I have mixed feelings because
1/ she might struggle living with and seeing her grandmother die of cancer.It could seriously affect her emotionally and her studies

2/ After mil dies we would have to sell the house- where would she go? Can she afford to live in rental accommodation? Could she afford to pay household bills for mil house after she dies until house is sold? Legally is there anything we should be aware of?

3/Also will we have more pressure/responsibility to take care of her as well as mil.Its hard to discuss anything with grandaughter family as we have never got on well and they may feel upset and blame us if we say not to stay. We already struggling to work and look after mil who has stage 4 cancer and mild dementia

 

[Sirena]

The obvious answer is to talk it through with granddaughter, but if that isn't an option and given your concerns, personally I would refuse. As you say you have enough stress with your MIL being terminally ill, without also dealing with how it is affecting the granddaughter and worrying about where she will live subsequently.

As to whether she could refuse to leave - yes she could, which would make relationships with the rest of the family far more difficult than if you just didn't let her stay in the first place.

 

[Roziii]

The house will be inherited 50/50 between my husband and his brother(her father) when mil dies.When she passes does the grandaughter have a legal right to stay in the house?

 

[Shedrech]

I don't think so @Roziii
but I do think you are right to be very wary
when my dad moved into his care home, my sibling put so many obstacles in the way of his property being sold, including moving the grandchildren (adults) into it and wasn't at all pleased at me asking when they would leave and the house be put on the market … eventually they did leave … BUT I really suspected that had dad died whilst they were still there, I'd have been put under heavy pressure to let them stay and take a low price to buy me out … I was made to feel extremely mean for wanting them out and the house sold … they too paid no rent, no bills, did no maintenance to the property (trained decorator) and had a cleaner at dad's expense, as they were 'keeping it safe from vandals for him'
your mil deserves to have her home to herself … in her situation, she doesn't need someone who isn't providing care for her living in her home
just my opinion

 

[Roziii]

We would like to help her but are worried about after mil dies- after probate I don’t think she can live in the house.I think it has to be sold and probate bill paid.I hope I am right about this.I can see we would have a lot of stress and look bad if we tell her to leave.All this on top of grieving for mil death and dealing with everything else

 

[Sirena]

I doubt she would have any legal right to stay in the house, she wouldn't be there on a 'legal' footing in the first place, she'd just be a guest. But she could nevertheless just refuse to leave and make you evict her, which would be upsetting for everyone and stall the house sale. If you have real concerns about this, avoid putting yourself in that situation. She's asked to stay but it's a request not an order, you don't have to say yes.

 

[Roziii]

She has not asked us.I think just mentioned to mil and other people in family

 

[AliceA]

Could you talk to her, explain your fears? She is old enough to decide if she is going to university. It depends on her character. I was seventeen when I did a four a.m /8.am shift before travelling to work full time. Has she been close to her grandmother? That would make a difference.
You need to make it clear what she would be expected to do, how much would she contribute to the expenses.
As for staying you may need to give her a rent book and make it legal and clear.
We do seen to infantile young people on the other hand from experience I know with some it is like getting blood from a stone to get the to part with money.

She could be a useful night sitter! It is a tough one. What does her father say?

 

[Bod]

What space will be required later on when MiL needs full time live-in care?
Should MiL go into care will the house have to be sold, to pay for this?
Being cynical, is the Granddaughter just a guardian to BiL's interest in the house?
Having seen a mates father die of lung cancer at home, then I would not let a young person, particularly one without experience, witness that.
End of life care and further education do not mix.

Bod

 

[Roziii]

I know they will not be prepared to pay rent or bills- they would get offended if we suggest that. Mil wants to stay in her house until the end with care - It wont be pleasant for her staying there- we will try and discuss this with her.
I feel we will have arguments if we let her stay as when mil dies and house goes to probate we will have to ask her to leave when we sell house
If we don't let her stay now there will also be arguments.Poor mil stuck in middle too

 

[sausagedog]

I think you should absolutely NOT let this family member move in. It all sounds extremely ‘odd’ to me and in the grand scheme of things, is just not appropriate. Plus the PWD may not even want her grand daughter in the house. Sometimes you have to stick to your guns by refusing, regardless of who you upset....I think gut instinct comes to the fore in something like this and you’ve already mentioned some of the ‘potential’ difficulties that could possibly transpire. Perhaps a ‘quiet’ word with this young lady pointing out various scenarios in living with a PWD will put her off somewhat & say that it’s because of these scenarios you and your hubby cannot possibly allow her to move in ....I hope you can get through to her - good luck

 

[witts1973]

I think you should absolutely NOT let this family member move in. It all sounds extremely ‘odd’ to me and in the grand scheme of things, is just not appropriate. Plus the PWD may not even want her grand daughter in the house. Sometimes you have to stick to your guns by refusing, regardless of who you upset....I think gut instinct comes to the fore in something like this and you’ve already mentioned some of the ‘potential’ difficulties that could possibly transpire. Perhaps a ‘quiet’ word with this young lady pointing out various scenarios in living with a PWD will put her off somewhat & say that it’s because of these scenarios you and your hubby cannot possibly allow her to move in ....I hope you can get through to her - good luck

That's what I thought,it sounds odd to me too,and I can only see it leading to complications further down the road,I would make your feelings known to the brother in law too.
I'm not the same person I was after looking after my mum for a few years now with dementia and it's not the best idea for a young person to be exposed to what comes with it,even more so if they are studying,I can understand the appeal of free accommodation and no bills though

 

[Sirena]

She has not asked us.I think just mentioned to mil and other people in family

As she hasn't even asked you yet, you may be worrying about it unnecessarily. Decide what your answer will be if she does ask, and wait and see what happens. If you decide against I'm sure you can think of practical reasons why it would not be a good idea.

 

[Roziii]

Thankyou everyone for advising.It has helped us work out how to deal with this.