Update on George

[Margaret938]

I haven't been able to talk about this until now. George died on 28th August after 10 years of living with Dementia. I am so heartbroken, I feel so empty and so lost. After having visited him every afternoon for 6 and a half years, I just don't know what to do with myself in the afternoon. I find myself looking at the clock all the time and thinking what I would have been doing had George and I still been together. He was my life and my best friend, and living without him even with his illness is unbearable. I know that many of you have lost your loved ones, so if there is anything you can say to help me please do. I left him as usual at 5.30 on Tuesday (27th August), never thinking that there would be no tomorrow. He passed away at 7.15 in the morning and I was not there. My son got the phone call and had the awful job of phoning his brother and then coming along to tell me. That was the first day of the end of my world.

 

[Izzy]

Oh @Margaret938 I’m so sorry to read you news. Heartbreaking. I can understand that you must be feeling in complete turmoil just now. Bill died just over 3 years ago now but I don’t know that anything I can say to you will be of help or comfort. People say that grief is a rollercoaster and I believe this is true. Grief has no timescale and is different for everyone. All I can say is to take each day as it comes. Nothing is right and nothing is wrong.

You may find it helpful to keep posting on this thread. I know that this forum was a massive support for me when Bill died. You can say how you really feel here and know that people will understand.

I wondered if this BBC clip would be of any help to you. I found the diagram they used in it helpful.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-43227108/why-grief-is-not-something-you-have-to-get-over

Please ignore it if it’s too early for you to watch it.

If you think it would help you can also talk to someone at CRUSE -https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Thinking of you and wishing you strength. Please keep posting.

 

[jaymor]

Hello @Margaret938, I am so sad to hear of your very sad news, my condolences and my thoughts are with you.

 

[Moggymad]

Bless you @Margaret938 i am so sorry for your loss. My friend in similar circumstances to you had bereavement counselling. It helped her get her thoughts in order to stop blaming herself for not knowing it was going to happen(?) & not being there...how could she have known. Accept the love & support of those around you & those on DTP who have sadly experienced such loss. Sending a big hug X

 

[Pete1]

May I offer my sincere condolences @Margaret938 on the passing of George. I totally understand your feeling of desolation, it sounds that you were there for him always and that is the most important thing to remember and treasure. I found that bereavement counselling did really help, but is not the panacea, it does take time. Take care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing....

 

[pevensey]

May I offer my sincere condolences @Margaret938 on the passing of George. I totally understand your feeling of desolation, it sounds that you were there for him always and that is the most important thing to remember and treasure. I found that bereavement counselling did really help, but is not the panacea, it does take time. Take care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing....

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss of George, I cant begin to imagine the sad unspeakable turmoil your going through I haven't been in this sad situation myself but thoughts with you at this very very sad time, be good to yourself @Margaret 938.

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry Margaret. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Bunpoots]

I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences.

 

[padmag]

Sorry for your loss Margaret938, the empty feeling I know is unbearable. Richard died last week and I am a wreck. All I can say is to take one day at a time and not look toward the future without him, he will always be in your heart. The way I see it is we are grief stricken at the moment but in time it will be pockets of grief to deal with unexpectedly as being human we still have the practicalities of life to deal with. I also lost a partner 20 years ago where I thought I would never be able to live again but we do in time.​

 

[LynneMcV]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news @Margaret938 - such a shock and huge loss for you.

Many who have been through this will totally understand your sense of displacement. When you have cared for someone for so long, and built your life around that person, it is very hard to no longer have that role and to have to find a way forward with a new routine and sense of purpose - let alone living with the grief.

In my area the local Carers' Support group runs coffee mornings and evenings for both carers and former carers. It helps bridge that difficult time when the caring role is finished but support and friendship and the need to be among others who understand, is still needed. They also run all sorts of free courses to help build confidence and interests for those trying to rebuild their lives after caring.

I wonder if that is something your local Carers' Support group does too?

 

[Jale]

So sorry for your loss Margaret 938, all I can say is take one step at a time. Take care x

 

[Margaret938]

Oh @Margaret938 I’m so sorry to read you news. Heartbreaking. I can understand that you must be feeling in complete turmoil just now. Bill died just over 3 years ago now but I don’t know that anything I can say to you will be of help or comfort. People say that grief is a rollercoaster and I believe this is true. Grief has no timescale and is different for everyone. All I can say is to take each day as it comes. Nothing is right and nothing is wrong.

You may find it helpful to keep posting on this thread. I know that this forum was a massive support for me when Bill died. You can say how you really feel here and know that people will understand.

I wondered if this BBC clip would be of any help to you. I found the diagram they used in it helpful.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-43227108/why-grief-is-not-something-you-have-to-get-over

Please ignore it if it’s too early for you to watch it.

If you think it would help you can also talk to someone at CRUSE -https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Thinking of you and wishing you strength. Please keep posting.

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Sorry to hear of the death of George, Margaret, and no wonder you are devastated. I also visit OH every afternoon and understand the empty feeling now that your loved one is no longer there - I'm sure I would/will feel the same.

Everyone on TP is so helpful and caring and many have experienced what you are going through now so I hope you can derive some comfort from keeping in touch.

Lilac x

 

[Margaret938]

Thank you Izzy, I am hurting so much just now and the pain will not go away. Thanks for the links, I found the BBC clip very helpful, and I might get in touch with CRUSE, I will take your advice 'one day at a time'. This has been the story of my life for the past 10 years along with the saying "Tomorrow is another day". It sort of got us through the dementia period, so it might get me through this awful feeling of loss.

 

[Izzy]

Thank you Izzy, I am hurting so much just now and the pain will not go away. Thanks for the links, I found the BBC clip very helpful, and I might get in touch with CRUSE, I will take your advice 'one day at a time'. This has been the story of my life for the past 10 years along with the saying "Tomorrow is another day". It sort of got us through the dementia period, so it might get me through this awful feeling of loss.

I’m glad you found the link helpful Margaret. Do keep posting here.

 

[Margaret938]

Sorry to hear of the death of George, Margaret, and no wonder you are devastated. I also visit OH every afternoon and understand the empty feeling now that your loved one is no longer there - I'm sure I would/will feel the same.

Everyone on TP is so helpful and caring and many have experienced what you are going through now so I hope you can derive some comfort from keeping in touch.

Lilac x

Enjoy every second you have with your husband, because when they are no longer there to visit you are left empty and lost. I looked forward so much to my 'date' with George every day and now I am left wondering what to do without him.

 

[Cazzita]

So sorry to hear of your loss Margaret. The illness is devastating, then we have to face the loss too. Hope time heals enough for you to be able to face the world and smile again. Treasure those beautiful memories xx

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear Magaret. Such unexpected and very sad news from you.

There is nothing I can say to make it any easier, its something we have no choice other than to live through and bear the pain.

My deepest sympathy.

 

[Margaret938]

Oh dear Magaret. Such unexpected and very sad news from you.

There is nothing I can say to make it any easier, its something we have no choice other than to live through and bear the pain.

My deepest sympathy.

Thank you Sylvia, I will do my best but the pain is very great at the moment. I have lost my best friend in the whole world and it is unbearable.

 

[Margaret938]

Sorry for your loss Margaret938, the empty feeling I know is unbearable. Richard died last week and I am a wreck. All I can say is to take one day at a time and not look toward the future without him, he will always be in your heart. The way I see it is we are grief stricken at the moment but in time it will be pockets of grief to deal with unexpectedly as being human we still have the practicalities of life to deal with. I also lost a partner 20 years ago where I thought I would never be able to live again but we do in time.​

I am so sorry for your recent loss. You have been broken hearted two fold and still take the time to write to me, I am very humbled by your kindness.