my dad cared for mum on his own until his health deteriorated and he now shares it with a full time carer
What kind of help does your father receive?
I had a Lovely social worker in the past, who realized I was not coping, but also realized I was very reluctant to put mum in a care home full time .
Thinking back now, she must of have understood how hard it is to make that step into full time care home , but was just being very diplomatic about it .
So she came up with a plan. Mum only was having one day at day centre; also I had no respite in place. So she organised 8 weeks respite a year for mum to go into a care home, also another 2 days at day centre, over the years mum care needs have became higher , so she organise another 3 days at day centre so mum go 5 days a week , also sent me on a few courses about called “ looking after you “
May be you just need to be very diplomatic with your father, don’t over rule him, by going to the doctors (unless of course his on death doors, has bad heart problem going to give himself a heart attack) otherwise your just get his back up, he take all his frustration out on you and all commutation between the 2 of you is going to break down
Like like Craig says get the social worker in as someone must of organised the support you father receiving , then social worker can talk to your father about respite care home for a few weeks for your mother , so your father can have a break.
I know when I am getting very snappy at my mother it’s a sure sign, I need respite care, otherwise I am going down in my health, I’ve only realise that since mum been going to respite care homes for the last 2 years Also make me realise that Care home as not that bad . Well some of them .