Phone bugging?

[charlie10]

Sorry, I'm sure this is very common with pwds but I can't find the right keywords for asearch.

My FiL lives alone, with a morning carer visit and 2 visits a week from my BiL (mainly taken up with çhores). He has very limited mobility and spends all day dozing on and off in his chair. A little while ago he had some scam calls which upset him, and my BiL set up a call blocking system.

BiL says that the scammers can no longer phone, but when we spoke to FiLtoday he said that the scammer is permanently listening to him, and constantly on at him to get his money, and seems to think that the phone has been bugged by the scammer (who has nothing better to do than sit 24/7 listening to his almost non-existent phone calls.)

I have suggested that his sons tell him they've been in touch with BT and they have done a special security device which blocks phone bugs.......however, my husband thinks he won't believe it cos he still sounds very on the ball and lucid (I suspect an element of hosting in our phonecalls to him), tho FiL is very untechnical, no internet,mobile etc. BiL is stuck in the 'çan't lie to him' thinking. I am all in favour of saying whatever will allay his anxiety, as there is no-one around most of the time to reassure him if he is anxious. I wondered if anyone has any better ideas for dealing with this?

Also, as I said, he does sound almost normal in a 15 min phone call, with the occasional misunderstanding or forgetfulness that you could expect at 91......then we get something out of the blue like the 'bugging' which suddenly makes us wonder if he could be worse than we think. The Memory team Dr/nurse who visited him earlier in the year reckoned he had age related impairment, adamant she saw no dementia, but now the hospital delirium seems to have finally lifted there are still some random óff' moments. His memory seems reasonable, his behaviour (as far as we know) is ok and he can't leave the house so he can't wander, it mainly seems to be this paranoia......could this 'just' be MCI, or is it bizarre enough to indicate early dementia? Just trying to get a feel for how he might be coping

 

[rainbowcat]

I think the phone bug block lie is a great idea! My father is also on the ball and lucid, but he also used to be quite technical, and would likely believe me if I told him BT had a special security device.

I (or, in your case, your BIL) would buy a new phone cable/filter (the cable is about £2 from eBay, could probably get cheaper in £Land etc) and make a physical show of plugging in the NEW cable that the phone company said to plug in to complete the de-bug process.

It's called "love lies" - if it means the PWD has a more calm and peaceful existence, what's the harm?

 

[Lynmax]

One of our favourite "love lies" is that mum is entitled to certain things because she is aged over 85! So her new security system and new locks were totally free. As she is proud of being 86, she accepts these things. She doesn't know that the cameras were fitted so we could monitor her safety and keep door scammers at bay or that the locks had to be changed so the same key works the porch, front door and back door so she no longer gets frustrated when her keys don't work!

There are certain things that she does not need to know.

 

[canary]

Im afraid delusions are common with dementia. My mum was convinced that her ex-cleaner had a key to her home and was coming in stealing things. I changed to locks and told her that she couldnt possibly get it, but mum was convinced that she still was. I asked how she could get in as she didnt have a key to these new locks and mum said that she didnt know how she got in, but she still was. Delusions can be difficult to get rid of.

 

[Sirena]

The new cable sounds a great idea - visible proof that action has been taken. Of course he might forget and have the same delusion the next day, as Canary says it can be difficult to get rid of them.

I don't know what call blocking system was set up, but I wonder if there is some kind of prompt for what your FIL is thinking - does something 'different' now happen when a call comes through? I believe that with some of the call blockers a sound or light is emitted when a call is blocked (can't remember exactly, but I remember someone saying it disturbed their PWD). I can see that type of unfamiliar happening could set off a train of thought.

 

[nitram]

You could fit an ADSL filter and just ignore the ADSL output
Something like

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Premium-ADSL-Filter-Splitter-Safecom/dp/B000WOOYX8

This one has a potential advantage that it say 'Safecom' , plenty of scope for love lies.

 

[Glokta]

It’s sounds like your FiL has paraphrenia, it’s very common in elderly people with limited social contact and those with sensory impairments. It can be really distressing for some sufferers (my mother in law has it and is convinced the neighbour (who she’s known for 40 years) is stealing her post, opening and reading it, then resealing it and asking the postie to post it back into mums letter box, yes, the posties in on it too!). Other sufferers get auditory hallucinations and sometimes find that they like them, and are kept company by them. There is usually no memory impairment, and the condition can sometimes be amenable to treatment, but not always. I would discuss it with your FiL’s GP, and see if he could be offered some medication which can help. A referral to the mental health team might be more helpful than to the memory team. Hope my info helps, I’m a retired Registered Mental Nurse, and I’ve seen lots of people like this over the years.

 

[charlie10]

thank you everyone for your replies.....I am well on board with the 'love lies' and working on OH who sees the necessity but feels uncomfortable but can get nowhere with BiL who refuses to believe he should do anything at all without running it past his dad first, and, of course, the inevitable answer is "No!". As BiL is at the pointy end and we are so far away, I think we're going to have to wait for the crisis, and hope that FiL isn't too distressed (hard to tell in a phonecall).

@Glokta....your reference to paraphrenia is very interesting, certainly fits what we are hearing from FiL. Can I ask if paraphenia automatically implies a level of dementia, or might an elderly person who is 'sound of mind' have it as a condition in its own right? I did a bit of research but it was a little ambiguous. Wondering if a diagnosis of paraphrenia might advance the diagnosis in May from age-related impairment to something more concrete. Thanks for your help

 

[Glokta]

No memory impairment necessary to have paraphrenia, just the social isolation/ hearing and/or sight impairments, hearing deficits are the most commonly implicated. Giving a diagnosis is out of fashion at the moment. Paraphrenia is an old fashioned name, like schizophrenia. Lol!

 

[charlie10]

well he certainly fits the bill.....lived like a hermit in the years after we moved overseas, wouldn't let anyone in the house (not even my son and daughter when they returned for their school leaving ball and wanted to see their grandad.....my dad had to pick him up and take them all out for lunch, otherwise they wouldn't have seen him), and was very hit and miss using his hearing aid. In a way, his falls at the end of last year and this year have been a catalyst for change, when he came out of hospital he couldn't manage without my BiL for help, so family got a foot in the door again.....I sometimes wonder if he had depression more than dementia, as hes so much better in some ways.....even állows' my poor dad to visit him every week