Invisibles and Facebook

[Lawson58]

I have posted before about my husband's offspring and how they seem to think we should just dole out money to them when they make an appalling mess of things. We are not penniless but they seem to think that we a bottomless pit of money.

This has been going for about fifteen years when stepson thought he should have some say as to what we should have in our wills. The other stepson wasn't invited to our wedding as OH said that he was so horrible I wouldn't want to know him. About five years ago, my husband patched things up with him and they would Skype each other and keep in touch with each other on Facebook. I was 'introduced' to this stepson via Skype and have spoken to him twice.

First stepson has not spoken to his dad for a number of years, money being at the centre of the disagreement. Again! Second stepson got himself into a mess of financial trouble because he spends money he doesn't have and doesn't work. When we refused to give him a very large sum of money, we copped a torrent on Facebook.

Everything has recently escalated into dreadful rants on Facebook where of course they say things none of them would have the intestinal fortitude to say to us face to face. They have a dreadful love/hate relationship with each other and the grand children and stir each other up at every opportunity.

I have to admit that when my husband's granddaughter referred to me as a 'ferret faced witch' I thought it was quite hilarious. These people are desperate to inherit so how do they think it is going to happen when they behave so badly? I have not had any personal contact with any of them since 2005, mainly because I just wanted to stay right out of their squabbles but of course I am still the wicked step mother.

OH has unfriended them on Facebook at long last and said to me this afternoon that he thought that it was time for us to change our wills. I have thought this for ages but it was something that had to come from him. Fortunately, I believe he still has capacity but will move on this on Monday.

All I can say is 'Hallelujah!'

 

[canary]

Money always seems to bring out the worst in families
(sigh)

 

[marionq]

Yes money is the root of quite a lot of evils.

 

[Jale]

Families eh, money very often brings out the worst in people. Hope you can get things sorted out as to how you both feel comfortable

 

[Lawson58]

Families eh, money very often brings out the worst in people. Hope you can get things sorted out as to how you both feel comfortable

My husband was very angry about everything this morning and is adamant about changing our wills. I think he has been having doubts about leaving money to his children for a long time but this has been the tipping point.

He says he has two sons who have partners, two grandchildren , one married and not one of them is working. The situation has been aggravated by his relationship with my two children who at the moment are spending a lot of time and energy in getting everything done for their father who has terminal cancer. They have got him into care, cleaned out his house, dealt with power companies, banks, pension people till they are exhausted.

His children live in Europe and UK and of course they cannot be involved directly in caring for their dad but the only time they have contact is about money. No Christmas cards, birthday calls, checks to see how their dad is. Just how disgusting he is because he doesn't hand over money, no idea that we need our money to make sure our needs are met and no concerns for our welfare. And we have no idea of why they think we are so loaded with money that they are entitled to it.

 

[Dimpsy]

Your savings are primarily to support you and your husband in any way you see fit and no-one can tell you otherwise.
Likewise, inheritance is not an automatic entitlement, which OH's relatives would be well advised to remember (you must be very thankful to be continents apart from such greedy and grasping people!).

 

[Agzy]

Amazing how some relatives step up to the mark and expect no reward whilst others who sit and criticise from afar demand their “rightful” inheritance. Hope your OH is capable of making the decision they deserve.

 

[LadyA]

All I can say is: make sure your husband's capacity to change his Will is well documented by both Solicitor and doctor, so the Will can't be challenged later. Also, if he wishes, he could leave a letter with the Will detailing exactly why he is leaving things as he has.

 

[jenniferjean]

OH has unfriended them on Facebook

I hope you have unfriended them too, you don't need that sort of assault.
I agree with what LadyA says regarding the will being well documented, and also the letter detailing why. It makes sense.

 

[Palerider]

Just to say our money grabbing invisible was removed and blocked on my facebook page years ago, I think that sent a very clear message at the time. We no longer get the harrassment we got back then.

 

[Lawson58]

I hope you have unfriended them too, you don't need that sort of assault.
I agree with what LadyA says regarding the will being well documented, and also the letter detailing why. It makes sense.

Happily I have never been on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or anything similar so not a problem. I don't think I have ever understood the need to 'share' or reveal what I had for breakfast or something similar. I have no need for selfies or interest in looking at people pulling faces.

I appreciate that there are good things about these sites - flood warnings, bushfire alerts etc but mostly I am cynical about social media. I think the dross far outweighs the gold.

However, I have found downloads for wills that are suitable to use here so will be able to proceed quickly and inexpensively to get things done. I have printed all the stuff the invisibles have said on Facebook over the years and our laws here state that if you make it clear that your intention is to specifically exclude certain people then it will stand. That last bit is particularly helpful.

My husband has just stated again that he wants this dealt with as soon as possible. I think he sees it as a final resolution of the conflict with his family over many years. Happily his siblings are really lovely people and he is Skyping them on Monday so I am sure he will offload his emotions then.

 

[Lawson58]

All I can say is: make sure your husband's capacity to change his Will is well documented by both Solicitor and doctor, so the Will can't be challenged later. Also, if he wishes, he could leave a letter with the Will detailing exactly why he is leaving things as he has.

At the moment, I have never used my POA and my husband is still playing bridge several days a week. He is going away for the weekend without me at a bridge congress so capacity isn't currently an issue. I have an appointment with my GP for a little chat on Tuesday so that will all be sorted then too.

All this stuff that we need to do to make sure everything is good!

 

[Lawson58]

Wills all done, signed with certified copies, and a statement of capacity for OH completed. I have also printed off all the Facebook posts from over the years and put them in with our wills. Quite a bulky envelope!

My husband is very relieved that it is done and says that it has been bothering him for ages.

Phewww!

 

[sausagedog]

Wills all done, signed with certified copies, and a statement of capacity for OH completed. I have also printed off all the Facebook posts from over the years and put them in with our wills. Quite a bulky envelope!

My husband is very relieved that it is done and says that it has been bothering him for ages.

Phewww!

That’s excellent - my advice would be to now stay off Facebook or just simply block those who cause offence

 

[RosettaT]

That's good news I'm pleased it went well.
I have no off spring and whilst OH children don't bother much with their father, which does disappoint me as there has been no fall out, they just lead busy lives so we only get birthday/christmas cards, they aren't money grabbing, neither do they interfere with any decisions I make. Something to be grateful for.

 

[jugglingmum]

I'm glad you've sorted that out.

Such a positive your husband is relieved as well

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Happily I have never been on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or anything similar so not a problem. I don't think I have ever understood the need to 'share' or reveal what I had for breakfast or something similar. I have no need for selfies or interest in looking at people pulling faces.

I appreciate that there are good things about these sites - flood warnings, bushfire alerts etc but mostly I am cynical about social media. I think the dross far outweighs the gold.

However, I have found downloads for wills that are suitable to use here so will be able to proceed quickly and inexpensively to get things done. I have printed all the stuff the invisibles have said on Facebook over the years and our laws here state that if you make it clear that your intention is to specifically exclude certain people then it will stand. That last bit is particularly helpful.

My husband has just stated again that he wants this dealt with as soon as possible. I think he sees it as a final resolution of the conflict with his family over many years. Happily his siblings are really lovely people and he is Skyping them on Monday so I am sure he will offload his emotions then.

I'm so glad you have got things sorted now and also have to say that I totally agree with everything you say about social media! I sit in front of a PC all day and couldn't live without the internet but I've never felt the need to upload my life for others to scrutinise and criticise. And all those posts will be there forever...

I'm lucky there's just me and my brother. Mum's in a CH near me and I visit. He lives down south and doesn't. But he is supportive and looks after the money. We've never really got on but there's enough there for trust between us. We each get half the 'spoils' so no arguments there. But I completely get your husband's frustration and anger about the lazy useless relatives just after his money. As the Bard said:

'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!'

 

[Dimpsy]

Doesn't it give a huge sense of relief when you have accomplished something like this.
You can forget all about it now and move forward with your lives; job well done!

 

[Lawson58]

I'm so glad you have got things sorted now and also have to say that I totally agree with everything you say about social media! I sit in front of a PC all day and couldn't live without the internet but I've never felt the need to upload my life for others to scrutinise and criticise. And all those posts will be there forever...

I'm lucky there's just me and my brother. Mum's in a CH near me and I visit. He lives down south and doesn't. But he is supportive and looks after the money. We've never really got on but there's enough there for trust between us. We each get half the 'spoils' so no arguments there. But I completely get your husband's frustration and anger about the lazy useless relatives just after his money. As the Bard said:

'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!'

I also find the obsession with selfies incomprehensible. If I am some place special, perhaps somewhere like the Trevi Fountain, I take photos of it for my own memories. I don't need a photo of myself with a fatuous grin on my face at the Trevi Fountain to prove to others that I was there.

I get concerned that the younger generation cannot exist without constant reference to others instantly, and that they seem to be unable spend time alone.

I am pleased that you and brother have an arrangement that works OK for both of you. You at least get to share the responsibility which is a real blessing.

 

[northumbrian_k]

You are right @Lawson58. Dementia Talking Point is my social media of choice because it always has something useful and informative to say. In another medium, of course, you would be less likely to get a comment but just a rather meaningless 'Like' or (if I hit the right button) a thumbs up ...