Dad has vascular dementia still in hospital

Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
hi everyone
So, dad was sent to a&e a week ago because the hone couldn’t meet his needs. He’s been there a week now and is generally half the man. He’s not eating or drinking much at all, I’ve tried his favourite foods but I put it in his mouth and it’s like he now doesn’t know what to do with it, he couldn’t even manipulate the food to spit it out. He’s lost loads of weight his speech is practically gone. He has no clue at all of his surroundings. He’s diminishing before my eyes. He was meant to be there then moved to another hospital with a special ward for people such such as dad before an assessment bed became available. He’s still stuck there needing lorazepam to calm him when agitated. Not much or very little fluid intake I’m worried that he won’t be coming out. He’ll need 24hour care even supports with all of his needs. This is no life for him, his decline is rapid and at 80 I wish he would just go to sleep and not wake up. Is this cruel of me?? With the quick decline not interested in eating or drinking could he be giving up?? I wonder if the hospital staff think the same. Each day they tell me the same, he’s ok and comfortable as he can be. Would they say or am I totally wrong??
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,445
0
Kent
Each day they tell me the same, he’s ok and comfortable as he can be. Would they say or am I totally wrong??

I think this is how it is @Jo108. It sounds like it will be a waiting game from now.

I don`t know if your dad is consciously giving up. It does sound more like his body is shutting down. Rapid progression has been known.

Once my husband came to this stage, his care home was happy to have him back for palliative care. I don`t know if your dad is there yet. It`s painful I know.
 

Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
hi everyone
So, dad was sent to a&e a week ago because the hone couldn’t meet his needs. He’s been there a week now and is generally half the man. He’s not eating or drinking much at all, I’ve tried his favourite foods but I put it in his mouth and it’s like he now doesn’t know what to do with it, he couldn’t even manipulate the food to spit it out. He’s lost loads of weight his speech is practically gone. He has no clue at all of his surroundings. He’s diminishing before my eyes. He was meant to be there then moved to another hospital with a special ward for people such such as dad before an assessment bed became available. He’s still stuck there needing lorazepam to calm him when agitated. Not much or very little fluid intake I’m worried that he won’t be coming out. He’ll need 24hour care even supports with all of his needs. This is no life for him, his decline is rapid and at 80 I wish he would just go to sleep and not wake up. Is this cruel of me?? With the quick decline not interested in eating or drinking could he be giving up?? I wonder if the hospital staff think the same. Each day they tell me the same, he’s ok and comfortable as he can be. Would they say or am I totally wrong??

Hi thank you for replying, I have no clue if I’m honest. I know the hone won’t want him back and even if they did I’m sure I wouldn’t want him to be there. Dad was mobile and needed stimulation because he wasn’t like the other people in the home, quiet sleepy non mobile etc and dad became agitated at times they rang for a ambulance who took him to A and E. Saying they couldn’t meet his aggressive behaviour. That’s how poor dad ended up in hospital no medical issue at all. Will the hospital approach me if and when palliative care is needed?? They don’t seem to bothered about the non intake of food/fluids etc. I just feel like he’s stuck there, just laying in bed slowly deteriorating or not so slowly as it seems.
Thanks for your advice x
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Hi @Jo108, so sorry to hear about your Dad, a very stressful time for you. Have you managed to speak with the Doctor in charge of your Dad at all? If you can't catch him on the rounds you can ask him to call you...that might help to give you a bit more clarity regarding Dad's exact state (although may not), and you can also mention palliative care too. I don't know if Social Services have a Hospital Assessment Team based in the hospital, it might be worth exploring that to understand their perspective on the situation?

It's certainly extremely distressing to witness and not being able to do anything is very frustrating. Take care of yourself. Sorry I can't help more. All the best.
 

Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
Hi @Jo108, so sorry to hear about your Dad, a very stressful time for you. Have you managed to speak with the Doctor in charge of your Dad at all? If you can't catch him on the rounds you can ask him to call you...that might help to give you a bit more clarity regarding Dad's exact state (although may not), and you can also mention palliative care too. I don't know if Social Services have a Hospital Assessment Team based in the hospital, it might be worth exploring that to understand their perspective on the situation?

It's certainly extremely distressing to witness and not being able to do anything is very frustrating. Take care of yourself. Sorry I can't help more. All the best.
Hi Pete
So after your advice I managed to speak to the wards nurse she has said dad is still not eating about 8 days now but they are managing to get iv fluids in when he’s asleep. Monday they gave him lorazepam about 5pm then that night he slept and nearly all day yesterday. A nursing hone came to see dad but the staff said they couldn’t arouse dad from sleep. So that wasn’t much good. I’ve then been told dad hasn’t got a uti infection but his bloods shows an infection that has since increased. I mentioned palliative care they said it’s possible. I want to see him to be close but also I don’t because it’s so upsetting and it’s a struggle to communicate and I feel like I’m letting dad down because I don’t understand him.
U take care too
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
You dont have to stay there for long periods of time @Jo108 . I know it is difficult visiting when they are at this stage. Remember that he will still be able to hear even if he cannot respond much, so talk to him, or read to him - I used to read childrens stories to mum that she knew from her childhood Whiney the Pooh, Wind in the Willows and Alice - and Poems that she had learned by heart in school. I also played her favourite music
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Hi @Jo108, it is such a difficult thing to experience, and extremely hard to go and visit a loved one in that situation - it is emotionally and physically draining. What @canary has said is very true, the person can still hear and that is what I always thought - so painful though it is you will probably feel better in the long term to go and visit for a short time and 'chat' and comfort Dad, tell him how you feel. You are absolutely not letting Dad down by not being able to communicate in the conventional sense of the word - but just talking and comforting him will be all he requires.

Take care you yourself.
 
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Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
Hi @Jo108, it is such a difficult thing to experience, and extremely hard to go and visit a loved one in that situation - it is emotionally and physically draining. What @canary has said is very true, the person can still hear and that is what I always thought - so painful though it is you will probably feel better in the long term to go and visit for a short time and 'chat' and comfort Dad, tell him how you feel. You are absolutely not letting Dad down by not being able to communicate in the conventional sense of the word - but just talking and comforting him will be all he requires.

Take care you yourself.
 

Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
hi all
After a few posts from a **** journey with dad leaving his care home 2 weeks ago because they decided they couldn’t meet his needs.... so called an ambulance to get rid, he’s now deteriorating rapidly. I had a best interest meeting yesterday and it’s been decided all meds will stop, dads not eaten or really drank in this 2 week admission, but will still be offered
The doctor has said they will try and fast track him to a nursing home, will keep his dignity and make him pain free. A man that was eating well walked to the ambulance is not losing his life. In utter despair it’s like a waiting game. The home hasn’t called me once not even to empty his room which my husband has now done. Feel like if they had stimulated him rather than making me feel like he was a hindrance just because he was mobile not like the other people in there. Maybe he wouldn’t of had to had his final time in a hospital being moved around like a parcel. Vascular with Alzheimer’s is cruel in under no illusion as to how this will progress but in 2 weeks???? So sad
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Hi @Jo108, I am being generous here when I say that is a very disappointing reaction by the Care Home, if they specialized in Alzheimers/Dementia they should have had a care plan to manage Dad's needs. But moving forward it does sound like a Nursing Home will be better for Dad (and you) than hospital, I hope they can sort that for you asap and make Dad comfortable. It's absolutely soul destroying to witness, you must be exhausted and shocked by the whole situation. Easier said than done but do take care of yourself, there isn't much you can do now except be there for Dad. I wish you and your family all the best.
 

Jo108

Registered User
Aug 26, 2019
14
0
Hi @Jo108, I am being generous here when I say that is a very disappointing reaction by the Care Home, if they specialized in Alzheimers/Dementia they should have had a care plan to manage Dad's needs. But moving forward it does sound like a Nursing Home will be better for Dad (and you) than hospital, I hope they can sort that for you asap and make Dad comfortable. It's absolutely soul destroying to witness, you must be exhausted and shocked by the whole situation. Easier said than done but do take care of yourself, there isn't much you can do now except be there for Dad. I wish you and your family all the best.

Thank you Pete, I think because dad didn’t conform to being like the others he had no chance.... think aftercare so to speak is very poor and disgusting. Makes me wonder if silence is shame. Social services who were originally finding a assessment bed for dad asked where he was they replied we’ve used that home once and never again. They have a good rating and are dementia certified! Suppose just feeling angry I know this part of dads decline isn’t necessarily there fault but feel like he’s progressed quicker because of it. Just thought they should have called even just to ask us to get his stuff!! Or to tell us they didn’t want him back as they told the hospital. Grrrrr
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Im so sorry. Things can change very quickly with vascular dementia
I hope they can find somewhere where he can be kept comfortable and pain-free
 

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