Two years in

[mariner223]

My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimers in August 2017, she does not believe anything is wrong with her and I'm of a mind there is little point in discussing the issue, she would probably have forgotten our discussion within 24 hours!
What I have found over the last two years is the disappearance of most of our 'Friends', they obviously find it difficult to cope with the changes and prefer to steer clear of us, is this a normal occurance?

 

[Duggies-girl]

My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimers in August 2017, she does not believe anything is wrong with her and I'm of a mind there is little point in discussing the issue, she would probably have forgotten our discussion within 24 hours!
What I have found over the last two years is the disappearance of most of our 'Friends', they obviously find it difficult to cope with the changes and prefer to steer clear of us, is this a normal occurance?

Dad diagnosed at the same time and yes it seems to be quite normal. Not only friends but often family will step back from the situation. I don't know if it is because they don't know how to handle it or if they just don't want to be involved. It may be a bit of both.

I feel that since I have been looking after dad I have sort of disappeared off the face of the earth. It's very sad.

 

[canary]

Yes, both family and friends have stopped coming round or even phoning. I often go for days without seeing another person

 

[Rosettastone57]

My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimers in August 2017, she does not believe anything is wrong with her and I'm of a mind there is little point in discussing the issue, she would probably have forgotten our discussion within 24 hours!
What I have found over the last two years is the disappearance of most of our 'Friends', they obviously find it difficult to cope with the changes and prefer to steer clear of us, is this a normal occurance?

Sadly this seems to be common. My mother-in-law was an unpleasant individual, who, however, had a few acquaintances. When she went into care last year, I wrote to these people, telling them the situation. No one acknowledged it. When she passed away eventually, I wrote again and I didn't get a single acknowledgement or message of condolence. Out of sight out of mind

 

[di65]

I’m so sorry you have had this experience. Our experience was so different.. Having witnessed the loss of friends my mother-in-law had when my FIL started showing his symptoms, we were determined to not suffer the same fate with my husband. MIL had hid everything from friends and even family, so when he started swearing at and arguing with friends they didn’t know what was behind these outbursts, they thought they had somehow offended him and started to drift away. We were up front from the start and I can honestly say that not one friend stopped visiting. Even when my husband went into care most still visited him. I can understand people’s reluctance with care homes so didn’t mind this, but they have still supported me. The response when he passed away was amazing with food, flowers and visits and caring. They are all still there for me and have helped me through the last few months. When reading posts like yours I feel so grateful to them all. Take care of yourself - thinking of you all

 

[mariner223]

Dad diagnosed at the same time and yes it seems to be quite normal. Not only friends but often family will step back from the situation. I don't know if it is because they don't know how to handle it or if they just don't want to be involved. It may be a bit of both.

I feel that since I have been looking after dad I have sort of disappeared off the face of the earth. It's very sad.

Hi
What I'm finding now really difficult is that my wife will not accept help from a carer, we have a lovely lady who lives locally, has been in twice, my wife has now made it clear she does want her to come again, try to discuss it but my wife is convinced there is nothing wrong with her. Finding it very lonely as being the sole carer
I've now had nearly seven years of being involved with Alzheimers, my mother spent five years in a home with it, my wife was diagnosed a year before my mother died. The first two years my mother was in a home she was desperate to leave, I'm dreading that prospect with my wife

 

[White Rose]

Hi
What I'm finding now really difficult is that my wife will not accept help from a carer, we have a lovely lady who lives locally, has been in twice, my wife has now made it clear she does want her to come again, try to discuss it but my wife is convinced there is nothing wrong with her. Finding it very lonely as being the sole carer
I've now had nearly seven years of being involved with Alzheimers, my mother spent five years in a home with it, my wife was diagnosed a year before my mother died. The first two years my mother was in a home she was desperate to leave, I'm dreading that prospect with my wife

So sad that you're having to go through this twice, it certainly can be a lonely place to be. Do you have a Memory Cafe locally that you can both go to, I'm planning to take my partner to one. Maybe try to persevere with the carer, your wife might get used to having someone coming in - my partner was resistant at first but he eventually accepted it. I do find he can get angry when people come into our home, sometimes it depends how they approach him, so if they knock and he opens the door, or if they come directly up to him and say hello and use his name he tends to be more accepting. Or could you try dropping her at day care at a care home for a couple of hours at a time, she might get used to it and even enjoy it?

 

[Agzy]

My OH was diagnosed 4 years ago and her 3 sons faded from the scene rather rapidly. However, her decline has been very slow since initial sudden changes and can not only cope around the house but goes of shopping by bus etc and during passed 18 months we have seen more of them leading to them totally denying the existence of dementia and saying wrong diagnosis. Now that her short term memory loss is worsening again thier visits are, yet again, not as after and when we visit them thier discomfort is obvious. With agreement from the sons, my own family and health professionals I have been away in Spain for 6 weeks in my caravan and have returned to find that very few promises to call in or phone her have been fulfilled and I am fuming!!