The final few days. Guidance please

[Macduff]

My wife is in year seven of her dementia journey and has been in a nursing home for the past five months. She is now totally immobile and has to be fed. She has lost weight quite dramatically and seems very frail and tired. Mostly she is in bed when I visit. Over the past 10 days she has begun to refuse food. The professionals at the nursing home say she's had enough and really does not want to do anything except sleep. They say she is more comfortable in bed than in a chair in the lounge. From experience I know that once you stop eating you will not survive longer than three weeks, generally. However, some days she will eat something, not much, maybe a yogurt, some chocolate and take a supplement drink. Hence some days she is brighter and on a bad day I wonder if she will make it through the night. Is it always like this towards the end? I've learnt to take each day as it comes but are these final moments always so irregular and unpredictable? Relatives and friends ask should I come now and all I can do is say I simply don't know.

 

[pevensey]

My wife is in year seven of her dementia journey and has been in a nursing home for the past five months. She is now totally immobile and has to be fed. She has lost weight quite dramatically and seems very frail and tired. Mostly she is in bed when I visit. Over the past 10 days she has begun to refuse food. The professionals at the nursing home say she's had enough and really does not want to do anything except sleep. They say she is more comfortable in bed than in a chair in the lounge. From experience I know that once you stop eating you will not survive longer than three weeks, generally. However, some days she will eat something, not much, maybe a yogurt, some chocolate and take a supplement drink. Hence some days she is brighter and on a bad day I wonder if she will make it through the night. Is it always like this towards the end? I've learnt to take each day as it comes but are these final moments always so irregular and unpredictable? Relatives and friends ask should I come now and all I can do is say I simply don't know.

@Macduff, I'm so sorry at the very sad time your going through, I cant begin to imagine what you are going through., I'm really sorry I have no experience of this awful situation, my hubby is in his 4thnyearnof vascular dementia, I'm sure there are other TP members who will come on here and hopefully give you advice you need. Thoughts with you. at this sad time for you.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

It’s a bit of a yo-yo situation emotionally
Take each day as it comes, precious moments help
Sending you love & strength
X

 

[katydid]

It’s a bit of a yo-yo situation emotionally
Take each day as it comes, precious moments help
Sending you love & strength
X

 

[canary]

Hello @Macduff Im so sorry to hear about your wife. This is a hard time when you feel in limbo and time seems to stand still. My mum passed away 2 years ago and I still remember that last vigil, She lived for 17 days with no food or fluid at all, but it was only the last few days that she became unconcious, although I was told that she could still hear as hearing is the last thing to go. I talked to her, read to her, played her favourite music.

I dont want to overload you with information all at once. Ask me anything.
xx